


Once you survive go out and live.

by pandabob



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Caring, Cooking, Cuddling, Friendship, Gen, Homophobia, M/M, Overdosing, Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-16 00:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 81,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13624917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandabob/pseuds/pandabob
Summary: Kent and Jack were only kids when they fell in love, mixed up kids with a childhood of issues that led them to a very unhealthy place but if they can survive the worse and find a way to move forward maybe, eventually, they can both be happy and live rather than just surviving.





	1. Chapter 1

He couldn’t wait to make it to eighteen, he’d been dreaming of it, it seemed, since the first time he’d put on his skates and certainly since the first time he’d put the puck in the net in overtime and won the game for his team. Eighteen was all grown up. Eighteen was real hockey. Eighteen brought the draft. Eighteen brought the money. Eighteen brought the realisation of his dreams. 

Sadly, despite all his hard work and hopes, for Kent Parson eighteen also brought the very worst day of his life, the day he found his friend, his teammate, his sometimes lover, pale, almost blue, surrounded by fallen tablets and collapsed on the bathroom floor of their hotel room.

Eighteen brought him a nightmare where the dreams of his childhood should have been.

 

-+-

 

“Kent sweetheart, Mr Low wants to ask you a favour,” Kent was playing in his back garden, swinging on the play set that his dad had just sent for his fifth birthday as his mum came out of the house grinning at him, followed by his next door neighbour.

Jumping from the swing, he ran to his mum, crashing into her hip and wrapping his arms around her waist as he looked up at Mr Low expectantly.

“So,” Mr Low crouched down so that he was at Kent’s eye level and Kent felt himself relax because Mr Low was the tallest, widest man he’d ever met and he always felt slightly intimidated by his size. “James asked for some skating lessons for his birthday,”

“aawww,” Kent’s mum interrupted, “You must be so proud he wants to follow in your footsteps.”

Mr Low grinned up at Mrs Parson, “I want him to be happy, hockey or no hockey.” And then looked back at Kent, “He really wants to do it but he doesn’t want to go on his own, he says he’s too nervous, so I was wondering if you might go with him?”

His mum tightened her arm reflexively around Kent and he snuggled closer to her hip, “Sorry Sir.” He really tried not to let his voice sound as sad as he felt. “I can’t”

Mr Low looked from Kent to his mother and back again a few times and Kent turned his face further and further into his mother’s hip, feeling very uncomfortable at the attention. After a second Mr Low grinned, “The only lessons I could find are pay for one child and another goes free, all the equipment is provided, I’ll take you both in my car and bring you both home. It won’t” Mr Low looked up at Ms Parson clearly trying to convey the rest of the sentence without saying it out loud and then back at Kent. “So can I tell James you’ll go with him?”

Looking up slowly he caught his mum’s eye, seeing the tears in them but also the smile on her face as she nodded a few times at him, and then he grinned at Mr Low. “Yes, yes please, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind at all son,” Mr Low reached out and ruffled his hair and Kent grinned even wider, “First lesson is tomorrow, I’ll pick you up at two? We’ll get pizza after as well if you want.”

Mr Low reached out his fist, Kent had seen him do that to James and he’d seen him do it on the TV when he was skating around the ice with his team, so he did his best not to shake with excitement as he lifted the tiny fist of his right hand and knocked knuckles with Mr Low. “Thank you very much for this Kent, James is lucky to have you as his friend.”

-+-

Kent lived in a street filled with millionaires, NHL, NBA and even the odd soccer player lived within walking distance of his house. He went to a school that cost more money a term than his mother could ever hope to earn in a year and he had all the latest technology, games, toys and clothes but what Kent didn’t have, because his mum didn’t have it either, was money to pay for skating lessons or a dad he could ask to pay for them.

Mr Parson paid for school, he sent presents of great value and clothes that he required were kept clean and taken with him when he went on his once a year visit, and he’d signed the house over to his ex-wife when he’d walked out of the door two years ago but what he never did, despite his riches, was pay a penny to support his son in ways that the world couldn’t see and appreciate so however it looked on the outside, Kent knew that his mum went hungry some days so that he could have a treat and he knew she couldn’t buy him presents and toys because taxes, bills and keeping the car on the road ate most of her income but what Kent’s mum was amazing at, better than any other person on earth, was loving him and caring for him and that was worth far more than anything money could buy.

-+-

 

“I can’t dad, I’m too scared.” James was clinging to the boards, feet sliding backwards and forwards as he tried to stay upright.

“I bet you can do better than me.” Kent grinned as he stepped onto the ice next to James and instantly lost his footing, crashing hard onto his bottom.

James laughed and let go of the board with one hand as he reached down to help Kent to his feet, clearly forgetting his nerves. “Least falls gets most ice cream?” James grinned at Kent and then looked at his dad questioningly, getting a nod of agreement before his dad moved away from the rink and James and Kent made slow progress across the ice to their teacher, clinging to each other and laughing wildly.

 

They both got ice cream that evening, the same amount each as neither of them had fallen at all and, despite James’ joking, Mr Low decided Kent couldn’t be punished for a fall that gave James the confidence to try in the first place, and that was where it all began.

Mr Low continued to find excuses to pay for the next term of lessons until Kent’s mum gave up on arguing, he took Kent with him, as company for James, whenever James went to see him play, or to family skate days or to any excuse to have the boys on the ice and show them the game he loved. 

Kent spent his time making James laugh when he was scared or worried and daring him to try things, like when he wasn’t sure that Pee-Wee hockey was really for him, and somewhere along the way Kent became the captain of every team he played with and James became a fit, healthy teenager who knew in his heart that he wanted to become a doctor not a hockey player like his dad which left Kent stood by his side, the day before they should have boarded their flights to their Q training camp, hand resting warmly against the small of James’ back, while he took deep calming breaths and tried to find the courage to tell his dad that hockey was not really his dream.

It had taken Kent by surprise when Mr Low had smiled, seemingly with relief, as he stepped towards the two of them and wrapped one arm around each of them, holding them both tightly, almost lifting them off the ground, and said “I’m so proud of you both you know, hockey or no hockey.” And then, as he let them go he’d looked at Kent, “You’re off to the Q though aren’t you Kenny?”

Despite his support of James and his pride in his friends decision Kent had been sure that this was the end of his Journey as well, the end of his dreams of the NHL not only because he was sure that the offer of flights and expenses had been purely because Mr Low wanted him to support James but also because he didn’t even have means to get to the airport by himself, so he couldn’t quite take in the words from Mr Low. “You can’t be serious sir?”

“I can’t? Why not son,”

Kent felt himself blush at that. However many times Mr Low had called him son over the last ten years it had never stopped making him feel warm inside and out.

“Because I’m not, your son I mean,” Kent stammered out, “you only ever asked me to come because James was nervous.”

“The day you make your NHL debut I’ll be sat with your mum cheering you on just as I’ll be at James’ graduation when the time comes. I’m proud of you Kenny, biology be damned.”

Kent felt James’ arm wrap around his back as his knees gave a little and he slouched into his side breathing heavily. “He means it you know,” James whispered in his ear, “You better get me some tickets too; I’m not missing it or the day you win the Stanley cup.”

Kent’s eyes widened at the mention of the cup and he grinned at James, “Any match you want, ever, as long as I get an invite to your graduation.” And then he leant his head down into James’ hair and breathed deeply, hoping that they’d both get exactly what they wanted out of life.

Boarding the plane alone, and sitting next to James’ empty seat, Kent felt more alone than he had in years but excitement thrummed through his body and he couldn’t help but grin at anyone who wandered by.

 

-+-

 

Pills, fourteen on the floor, two in Jack’s cheek and a date on the bottle of three days ago, meant the answer to the EMT’s question was ‘twelve maybe’ which got him a dark look and a pat on the shoulder before he was bundled out of the bathroom, pushed to sit on his bed and left alone to wait while people ran around him in a blur, talking and panicking and then wheeling his friend out of the room leaving the door to slam shut behind them and plunge him into silence.

 

-+-

Camp billet had been exciting but he had felt lonely with the bed, clearly meant for James, left empty next to his so Kent was pleased when he made the grade, signed for the season, and was re billeted with a permanent family, sharing a room with another new recruit Jack Zimmermann

Zimmermann was a name known to all the boys in the team but not because of Jack. Jack was the only child of one of the most famous Hockey players in the country, multiple Stanley cup winner, record holder and award winner for almost everything in his time, and most of the boys on the team stuttered and stammered in Jack’s presence or offered nothing but questions about his dad and Kent could see the worry it caused Jack.

He’d stood quietly against a wall, watching the boys who were to become his teammates, as they talked and laughed and almost held court around Jack in their first getting to know you sessions at camp and as much as he’d often wondered what it would be like to have a dad to be proud of or, eventually, to be famous himself, Kent had seen only one thing of interest in Jack at that point and that was the anxiety that rested between his eyebrows and which tightened the set of his jaw as he tried his best to respond politely to his new teammates.

Making dad talk off limits between them, which wasn’t hard for Kent given the lack of anything nice to contribute to that subject, and using his natural arrogance and swagger to move along anyone Jack was fed up of dealing with, had the pair of them thick as thieves well before they took the Q by storm and formed the greatest on ice partnership anyone had seen in years. 

-+-

Kent grabbed his phone from the bedside table, scrolled through his contacts to find Mr Low’s number and hit the call button, trying to calm himself as it rang, hoping he’d be able to speak if it was answered. 

On the fourth ring a smiling voice answered, “Kenny son, I didn’t expect,” He stopped speaking as Kent gasped out a muffled cry “where are you Kenny,” all the smile and fun had gone from his voice and was replaced by soft concern.

“I’m, I’m, erm,” he took a breath, desperately trying to pull himself together enough to speak. “I’m in my hotel room sir. Jack, an ambulance, on my own.” He gasped out as if any of the words made sense.

“Room number Kenny?”

He ignored the question and just kept rambling between gasps of tears “alone, wanted mum, miles away, she’d feel bad.” And then he wiped his eyes and sat himself up straight on the bed, trying to make his voice sound less concerning. “I’m sorry for calling Sir, I shouldn’t have disturbed you, I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes, or, well, I suppose you’ll know won’t you, well I’ll go now, bye.”

“Ken” Kent heard the first part of his name shouted through the phone as he shut it down, throwing it on his bed, but then he heard his name again and looked up at the bedroom door just as it was barged open by Mr Low, bringing the person Kent wanted most in the world at that moment into view.

“Mom!” He shouted and fell to his knees on the floor as she crossed the small space into the room and knelt down on the floor, pulling him into her lap as if he wasn’t six inches and sixty pounds bigger than her.

“I’m here son, I’m here, I’ve got ya sweetheart.” Mrs Parson whispered quietly to him as she rocked him gently in her arms until the tears ran dry and his grip on her slackened. 

“How come,” he looked up at his mum, then to Mr Low who was sat quietly on Jack’s unmade bed and then back to his mum “how come you’re here?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise, sweetie, tomorrow's your big day, I’ve been helping James study for his exams in exchange for the trip, we wanted to surprise you with dinner tonight.” 

Kent leaned in and kissed his moms cheek before he turned and mouthed ‘thank you’ at Mr Low who shook his head gently as he smiled ‘no problem’ back at him and then he settled his head against his mother’s shoulder and told her all about what he’d found in the bathroom that morning.

 

-+-

 

Twenty two games into the season, on a three game roadie that seemed to have gone on forever, Kent returned to their hotel room to collect his kit bag, ready for the game, shouting for Jack “The bus is here Zimms, we’ve got to get going,” He was grinning and laughing to himself, excited at the prospect of capping off their time away with another win and, hopefully, a good number of goals between them but his grin slipped away when he saw Jack, stood at the bathroom sink, hands gripping the sides of the bowl and eyes staring widely into the mirror as he breathed erratically and looked to be frozen to the spot.

“J, J, I’ve got you.” he ran into the bathroom, sliding to a stop inches away from Jack and placing his hand, warm and strong, against the small of Jack’s back before he suddenly realised that Jack wasn’t James and he might just have made a terrible mistake but he didn’t move his hand away and instead slipped straight into his usual spiel when James was panicking before a game. 

“Breath for me J, slowly and calmly” he took a deep breath himself and then breathed out slowly, counting to four as he did so “And in for three,” Jack didn’t breathe in so he moved slightly closer resting his hand more firmly against his back and putting the other one on his chest. “Come on J, make my hand move, breathe in, one, two, three, now out two three four. Good job J, and again.”

He kept counting for three breaths and then, as Jack seemed to relax slightly he moved his hand from Jack’s chest and stroked the back of his hand “uncurl your fingers for me J, you can do it, keep breathing, in two three, out two three four, uncurl them for me J.”

He watched carefully as Jack’s body began to move, his fingers curled and uncurled slightly with the brush of Kent’s thumb across the back of his knuckles, his breathing calmed to a normal level and his heart rate dropping, and a few moments later Jack turned away from the mirror, looking at Kent as if he was now actually seeing him, and almost collapsed into him, letting Kent wrap his arms around his back as he rested his head on his shoulder and relaxed completely for a few moments.

“Right Zimms,” the second Jack was calm Kent’s brain flicked back into game mode, “Grab your bag, we’ve got a team to beat.” He grinned and winked and Jack stood up and nodded, sliding past him to grab his bag from the bed before he marched away towards the coach.

Having watched him through arrival, the warm up and practice and having seen Jack’s comfort and confidence grow as the ice moved under his feet Kent couldn’t help but grin as they skated out on the ice together and took the oppositions apart, ending the game with two goals each and a shutout at the other end. Kent didn’t mention anything that night and they both slept the sleep of the dead in their hotel room before returning to their billet the next day as if nothing of concern had happened while they were away.

 

-+-

Kent moved rooms, to the one between Mr Low’s and his moms. It was clearly a kiddy room as there was an internal adjoining door to his mum’s room and he’d protested a little about being a grown up but the tears in his eyes and the way he gripped tightly to his moms forearms as they wrapped around him, as if trying to make sure that she didn’t let him go, were enough to have his arguments ignored.

Allowing himself to be moved to the bed he curled up in a ball and his mum sat by his side and rubbed his back like she always did when he was upset as he cried himself to exhaustion and fell asleep before she went back to her room to unpack.

 

Grabbing the phone to shut off the noise he answered it without looking at the ID ‘Hi’

“Parson, where the hell are you, the hospital says you aren’t with Jack.” Scrambling to sit up, wiping his eyes and trying to pull his voice together enough to speak Kent didn’t reply in time to avoid another shout from Bob, “Seriously Kent, he needs you, we’re hours away why the hell aren’t you with him?”

“I … they … erm.” 

“Pull yourself together will you, he needs you, I’ve told them to expect you, they say he’ll be awake soon and we won’t be there.” Bob took an audible breath and then his tone changed completely and Kent felt his stomach cramp. “Look son,” Bob calling him son never quite felt the same as when Mr Low did it and his use of it right now had Kent hating him more than he did his own dad. “You know we’ve always done what we could for you, we need you to do this for us now. Jack can’t wake up alone, he needs you.”

There was nothing he wanted more at that moment than to go to Jack, to see he was ok and to try and find out why this had happened, he hadn’t been allowed by the EMT, family only they said and that really wasn’t the time to argue about what constituted family so had Bob rung and just told him that he’d cleared it with the hospital he’d have been out the door already with a run and determination to be there. As it was he knew he had to go and see Jack but his stomach, heart and head cramped and hurt and he had to run to the bathroom to be sick before he left.

 

-+-

 

Roadies were stressful for everyone, travelling for hours, staying in hotels and being away from home comforts but for Kent there was the added pressure of losing the constant, reliable, access to the ice. 

By the time they arrived at the last roadie of the season he’d become a master of Zimms reading and it had worked most of the time. 

At home it was easy, a slight shake of Jack’s hands, get him on the ice. Staring into the distance, get him on the ice. Speaking too quickly, or not quickly enough, get him on the ice. Receiving a call from his dad, pack him a bag, tie him into his shoes and have him walk towards the rink as he spoke to him and on to the ice the second he flipped the phone shut, the ice was the best treatment for everything.

He’d only once had to take excessive steps to get on the ice, involving a broken window and learning how to drive a Zamboni, and that had been when he’d taken his eye off the ball and missed at least three early indicators that he would have done something about earlier in the evening if he hadn’t been distracted playing computer games with Deano and Sams when he should have been focused on Jack. 

If he’d noticed the text from Bob at eight thirty, the quiet suggestion that they stop with the computer game and go home to their billet at ten or the vacant eyes that followed two steps behind him as they walked home at eleven he would never have found himself knelt by Jack’s bed, rubbing his chest and gripping his hand, talking quietly to calm him and bring him back to himself at midnight and he wouldn’t have found himself, at almost two am, driving a Zamboni, badly, around their rink while Jack laughed in the seat beside him as they tried their best to cover the evidence of their late night ice time not that he had really regretted it when Jack looked so alive beside him.

Roadies were different though, roadies meant it wasn’t their ice and Jack was always more on edge, Running became the roadie alternative to ice, no one could really question them keeping fit after all, but it wasn’t fool proof and as the last game approached following five nights away from home Kent found Jack in the bathroom of their hotel room, frozen by the mirror just like the first time but with the added distress of tears running down his face, dripping onto the floor.

That night, having calmed Jack down enough to move and dried his tears their attempts to run were stopped by their coach in the corridor. ‘Curfew means curfew boys’

Kent wanted to argue, he desperately wanted to get Jack’s heart beating and his brain quietening but coach was not for changing his mind. That was the night that Jack and Kent found a new way to tire his body and to quieten his mind, a way that brought them closer and joined them together in a way that could not be broken.

As Kent woke up in the morning, Jack curled up against his side, head on his chest and arm around him, feeling Jack’s fingers playing gently up and down his ribs, he couldn’t help but laugh at the thought that their coach would probably have preferred that they went for that late night run than that they end up like this.

-+-

The room was white, clean and silent but for the beep beep of the monitor by the bed and having stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind him Kent ran his eyes over his friend, lying in the bed, tucked tightly into the bright white sheets, and looking, to the rest of the world, like he was simply sleeping. Jack never slept on his back, he much preferred being curled up on his side, arms around Kent’s waist and head on his chest or laid on his stomach with Kent’s head pillowed against his shoulder blades and arm across his back, keeping him safe. Asleep on his back made him feel vulnerable in a way that he couldn’t make sense of but Kent had always made sure that it didn’t happen, always until now.

“Zimms,” it came out as a gasp, hardly audible to his own ears never mind Jack’s so he took a steadying breath and two steps closer to the bed, so he could almost reach out and touch the bare skin on Jack’s arm, laid pale on top of the white sheet and tried again. “Why the hell Zimms.”

Tears ran from his eyes and he finally gave in to impulse and touched his cheek, hitching a breath when the skin was warm and soft rather than as cold and clammy as when he’d found him. “I’m here Jack, I’ve got you now, all you have to do is breath for me, just keep breathing.” Jack didn’t react, his breathing was already steady and calm but Kent couldn’t resist placing his hand, flat and warm against his chest to feel the gentle rise and fall of his ribs. The relief of it caused his knees to buckle and he collapsed into the visitors chair next to the bed, rubbing his forehead with his free hand and allowing the tears of relief to flow freely until he heard the door snick open and he quickly withdrew his hand, wiped his eyes and stood up as the nurse entered.

“Mr Parson,” Kent nodded, “Mr Zimmerman said you’d be coming to sit with Jack until they could get here.” Kent nodded again, “He will probably be awake soon, it wasn’t as bad as we thought it might have been.” The nurse smiled warmly as she saw the relief wash over him “if you talk to him that might help.”

“Can I?” He squirmed in his shoes and looked down at the floor unsure that it was ok to even ask the question but when the nurse touched his shoulder and smiled a little at him he decided to try again. “Can I touch him? Would that be alright?”

“That would be more than alright, touch is an important stimulus for the brain.” She gestured towards the chair, having pushed it closer to the bed and then smiled and nodded encouragement at him as he sat down and reached out to grasp Jack’s hand. “I’ll leave you boys too it, press the buzzer there if he wakes up and no one’s here ok?”

He nodded, eager to be left alone but thankful to know what to do if he needed someone, “Thank you, thank you for looking after him.” 

Squeezing his shoulder in gentle reassurance she winked at him and then left the room, closing the door behind her with a click.

“Right J,” As he said it, J, not Jack, not Zimms but J, he knew his brain had tripped into rescue mode but he couldn’t help himself, he’d talked Jack out of numerous situations in the last two years, he’d calmed him and cared for him and got him back on the rink where the world made sense and the ice sang beneath their feet or he’d got him into his arms and folded up safe and protected from the world so there was no way he was going to fail to get him to open his eyes and smile at him again with those deep blue eyes and that shy smile he saved just for him, he could do this, he had to do this and he had to do it now.

 

-+-

Ice at home and sex on the road was a plan that worked, they were the best in the league, number one and two points scorers, the team was winner everything and they were two kids having the time of their lives together, doing what they loved, until Bob threw the draft, like a bomb, into the middle of their happiness. 

“You have to go first Jack, don’t let me down.”

“But Kenny might,”

“Second to Kent makes you a failure Jack, you’re a Zimmerman, we don’t do failure.”

That night, at home near their rink, Jack had needed both ice and sex before he’d managed to settle his mind with a plan for how he was going to learn to manage the draft and life without Kent after it and the next morning, with Kent by his side, he’d visited a doctor for medication to help with his anxiety on the days that he didn’t have Kent to make his world feel safe.

-+-

“Feel my hand in yours J, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere but you need to come back to me now, okay?” Right hand holding tight to his hand he ran the fingers of his left hand slowly over the bare skin of Jack’s arm, from shoulder to wrist as he continued to whisper into his ear, “Can you feel me J, I’m not going to let you go, concentrate on me sweetheart,” he repeated the action, slowly and gently up and down his arm, whispering quietly the whole time, until he was sure he saw a quirk in his lips and he felt his own heart jump. 

“That’s it J, come on you can do this, I’m here.” Moving his fingers from his arm Kent gently cupped his jaw, running his thumb slowly across his cheek bone and resisting the urge to kiss him on the forehead. “This is the hard bit now J but you always manage it for me so I know you can do it, just trust me.”

Without letting go of his hand he ran his thumb firmly across the back of his knuckles, “Curl your fingers for me J, you can do this, you manage it every time, I know you can do it for me.” He kept moving his thumb across the Jack’s knuckles, getting firmer and firmer as he felt himself begin to panic that, for the first time, this might not actually work, this might not break his friend free from the grip of what was wrong and allow him to look into those eyes again. 

“Seriously Zimms,” and there it was, there was the moment he slipped from his detached caring role and fell back, headfirst into the panic that he’d felt in that bathroom. “You have to come back to me; I can’t do this without you.” 

The tears began to run and he dropped his head to rest on Jack’s arm on the bed, still touching his cheek and running his thumb across his hand but feeling helpless and almost hopeless until he heard a small whisper above him and felt a sudden strong grip on his hand.

“You can and you will Kenny”

 

-+-

Jack tried, he really tried, Kent watched as he tried with every ounce of his being to take control of himself, to spot the signs before Kent did and take himself to the rink and to sneak out and run in whatever city they were staying in rather than allow himself to be wrapped in the arms of the man who loved him. Kent watched as Jack took the pills he was prescribed and he allowed himself to believe that the man he loved would go first in the draft, finally making his father proud, and that the anxiety that had plagued him through his childhood would evaporate in the excitement and fervour of the realisation of their dreams.

He should have known, he should have seen what was coming.

-+-

 

“You” Jack was smiling, one hand on Kent’s shoulder, the other running fingers through the hair on the back of his head as he lay on his chest looking up at him “you have to do this Kenny, you have to go tomorrow and take what you deserve, you’re the best and you’ve worked for it”

“You’re better than me.”

Jack shook his head, “On the ice I can do anything but without you I can’t even make the ice.”

“I can help, I’ll stay.”

“You won’t,” Jack placed his thumb on Kent’s lips as he tried to speak, “You’ll go first tomorrow because you’re the best and you still aren’t half what you will be when you’re free to be it.”

“You should be,” Kent tried to interrupt but Jack raised an eyebrow at him and smiled and he stopped.

“I might have gone first tomorrow but only because of my name, you’d have delayed going wherever you were going in order to get me on the plane to Vegas and probably to settle me in and try and pretend I’d be ok and within weeks you’d have dropped your contract because I was unable to leave the house or even make it the rink and you’d be telling me that it mattered that I was ok more than that you lived the dream you deserve.”

He took a breath, keeping his eyes on Kent’s, “I have a problem, but I am not your problem any more.”

Kent took a painful breath and felt tears running from his eyes as Jack used his thumb to wipe them away.

“I love you Kenny, I don’t ever want to lose you but not like this, not while my father,” and Kent could hear a whole bucket of feelings in the way Jack said the word, “Not while my father thinks that you owe him, that you should hold me up when I can’t reach the goal he set for me because he let you stay sometimes.” 

Jack took a breath, pushing himself up slightly to look at Kent more clearly, “You don’t need to feel grateful Kenny, not to anyone, you deserve everything you’ve worked for, you deserve everything that will come to you in the NHL, you deserve it all because you work harder than anyone knows and you care more deeply than you’d ever tell. I love you Kenny, no one has ever loved me and cared for me like you do but the fact that I couldn’t face the prospect of being without you without ending up here and the fact that you think you don’t deserve to go first tomorrow because of me means we can’t do this anymore. I can’t take over your life anymore; I love you too much for that.” 

Without a thought for the glass window in the door Kent pushed himself up on his hands and leaned into Jack, kissing him gently, letting out a huff of relief when he kissed him back.

“I love you Zimms,” He whispered as they broke apart, “I never won’t,”

“I love you too Kenny, more than any other person on earth.”

“So you’re not, erm,” Kent stuttered and Jack leant forward to kiss his nose and then smiled encouragement to continue speaking “You’re not going to cut me off are you.”

“Oh my god no! Never Kenny,” Jack took a breath and then looked more seriously at Kent, “You have to go and be you, you have to listen to Mr Low and ignore my dad. You have to find someone who loves you and will care for you the way you deserve and you have to never again let me get too close, too dependent on you because you deserve someone who loves you properly. You have to accept I’m not good for you, I’m not good for anyone right now, but that’s on me, and I promise to fix it.”

Jack took another steadying breath and grinned at Kent, “I want to be your friend but you have to let me fix myself and the only help I need from you is that you go out and live the life you deserve while I do.”

Kent lay his head down on Jack’s chest for a second and listened to his heart beating steadily in his chest. “I’ll do what you ask Jack if you’ll do something for me.”

“Anything,” Jack answered without a beat of doubt. 

“If I have to learn to live my life for me then you have to do the same. You have to stop living the life Bob wants for you, this is your life not his, it isn’t your job to make him proud it’s his job to be proud of you whatever you do.”

Jack took a shaky breath and then lifted his hand in a fist, smirking at Kent, who grinned back and lifted his fist, knocking their knuckles together in silent agreement.

 

“What the hell were you thinking boy.” Bob slammed through the door to Jack’s room already shouting, “He’s going to go first now and you’re going to be a lifetimes embarrassment.

Kent stood up, fists clenched by his sides, face set hard as he turned away from Jack and looked at Bob but before he could speak, or thump him which was what he really wanted to do, Jack spoke with a surety Kent hadn’t heard from him in almost a year.

“Kenny is the best, he deserves to go first.” 

Bob opened his mouth as if to argue but Jack didn’t give him time, “And I’m not embarrassing I’m just sick, embarrassing would have been explaining to the Aces why they just drafted a dead guy.”

Kent felt his stomach lurch but he kept his stare at Bob unmoved.

“Go get the NHL Kenny and remember what I said.” Kent turned to look at Jack, unsure what he was allowed to do in the presence of his dad but Jack reached out towards him and he made no attempt to resist being pulled in for a gentle, final kiss. “I’ll let you know how I’m doing, you do the same ok.”

Kent smiled, “I love you Zimms, look after yourself ok?” And then he stood and left the room without even looking at Bob.


	2. Chapter 2

_From Zimms: I have never been so proud Kenny; Las Vegas will love you (almost as much as I do!) Jack._

Kent laughed as he pulled his phone from his pocket, finally free from press and management and able to see what the vibrations in his pocket had been about and he quickly tapped out a reply as he walked towards reception where he’d agreed to meet his mum and Mr Low so they could go out for a celebration dinner before he jumped on a plane to Vegas in the morning.

_Warm sun and cold ice, what more could I ask for? (Love you too) K_

 

His mum grinned ear to ear when she saw him walking towards her, Aces cap on his head, and he broke out into an almost run, arriving in front of her, wrapping his arms around her and picking her up, swinging her round in circles before she knew what was happening.

“Put me down, Put me down.” She shrieked in laughter as he bounced but he still didn’t let go, “seriously, seriously put me down.” 

Once he’d decided he’d made his mum laugh enough Kent set her back on her feet and kissed her cheek before he turned and offered his hand to Mr Low. “I would never have been here without you Sir.”

Mr Low took his hand and shook it once before, much to Kent’s surprise, he wrapped his arm around his back and picked him up off the floor, swinging him around like he’d just done to his mother causing his to gasp in shock while his mother doubled over in laughter.

“Sir, Sir put me down,” Kent laughed and tried to wriggle free and eventually Mr Low put him back on his feet stepping back with a grin and winking at his mum. 

“Well,” Kent bent down; hands on his knees as he caught his breath, and shook his head and grinned up at the adults. “I guess I deserved that”

“You sure did son,” Mr Low ruffled his hair where it was now free of the Aces cap that had tumbled to the floor in the madness, “If only for being the only player in the NHL who wanders around calling me Sir!”

Kent looked up at Mr Low through his eye lashes, hands still resting on his knees, “We’ve had this conversation before Sir, I just can’t.”

Mr Low reached for his shoulder, gripping hard and pulling him up to standing and into a proper hug, “Just know that you’re allowed son, that’s all that matters to me.” 

Kent felt himself relax, enjoying the strong arms around him, “if you had a less paternal nickname I’d find it easier Sir.”

Mr Low’s arms tightened just fractionally, “I get it Kenny, I do, but some of my old boys play for the Aces so dear god please try and avoid calling me Sir there or they’ll chirp the fuck out of you.”

Kent laughed and stood up, saluting dramatically, “Aye aye captain.” Which made both the adults laugh.

-+-

 

For the first time in his life Kent pulled out his wallet and paid for their dinner. Neither of the adults tried to argue for which he loved them both all the more.

 

-+-

 

Las Vegas was HOT, he’d expected it to be hot, and travelled in shorts and t-shirt, even though he’d been cold when he set off, so that he was ready for it but it was still three levels of hot above anything he’d imagined and he hoped that whoever had been sent to collect him from the airport had decent air conditioning in his car.

‘Parson’ the sign, covered in glitter and hanging from a hand at least a foot above any other, said, so he hitched his bag up on to his shoulder and strode towards it.

“Do you have air con?” Kent smirked at the face behind the sign,

“I come all this way, make a really pretty sign and I don’t even get a hello?” The face grinned back

“Not unless you have air con no,” 

Two little boys stood within hearing distance gasped audibly and then whispered to each other, something about it being rude not to say hello to people, and Kent looked across at them, checking that they had adults with them before he winked and spoke to them, “you’re right boys, I was very rude, I’m just really excited to be here even though it is really, really hot!” He dramatically wiped his forehead with his hand, “I hope the ice is still cold around here?” 

The boys laughed and nodded and the woman with them whispered something in the man’s ear that made his eyes widen just slightly so Kent smiled at him and pulled an Aces cap from the pocket of his bag and passed it over with a nod before he turned back to the face that had been sent to collect him. “Hello stranger with glittery sign,” he heard both boys laugh behind him and smiled wider, “thank you for taking time out of your busy day to collect me, it is very kind of you.” he turned back and winked at the boys and then jumped as a strong arm wrapped around his shoulder causing the boys to laugh at him again.

“Swoops, not nameless stranger, how can you not know who I am? Did you not do your research?” 

“It’s your skills not your face I’m interested in,” Kent chirped back as Swoops led him away towards the door.

“That hurts!” Swoops gripped at his chest, and stuck out his tongue and Kent rolled his eyes and asked again about the air conditioning. 

-+-

The car had air con, it also had two child car seats and a weird array of cuddly toys, and it, apparently, came with an inbuilt tour guide because Swoops never stopped talking and pointing things out from the moment they left the airport until they pulled up outside the rink and he started again the minute they were out of the car.

Within two hours of leaving the airport Kent knew where the team went to celebrate when they won and where they went to commiserate when they lost, he knew where opened early for them to get coffee before a roadie and where would stay open late if they called ahead in need of dinner. He knew where not to get coffee and where did the best takeaway chicken salad and he knew that there were some places he wasn’t going to be told about until Swoops was sure he could trust him not to tell management.

It was the best two hours he’d had in ages made better by the fact that it ended in the car park of the rink, his new home, and Swoops continued with the tour as if he knew how important this part of the trip was. 

The locker rooms, rest room, medical room, offices and all the back room areas were pointed out, as was the spare kit store although he was warned of the fines involved in forgetting your stuff and having to make a trip in there, and then, as they approached a pair of double doors, aces crest painted across them, Swoops stopped, grinned and gestured his arm towards the door.

“You do this bit alone.”

“Really?” Kent was confused and yet curious.

“Your first sight of your ice is a moment to remember, it’s tradition that you do it alone.”

Kent kept a nervous eye on Swoops as he walked forward towards the door, “Are there any other traditions I should be worried about?” 

“Don’t worry; we don’t do things that way here, no picking on the rookies I promise.” 

For reasons he couldn’t quite place Kent believed him. “Am I allowed to take pictures? Or is that against superstition or something? Jack’s dad always got angry about pictures of the ice, something about giving away its secrets but I promised my boy pictures if I could?”

“Fuck Bad bob and his stupid superstition, enjoy your moment anyway you want.” 

Swoops winked and nodded and gestured again towards the door so Kent put one hand on each door and pushed them open, striding through and letting them swing closed behind him as he relaxed at the chill and ran his eyes slowly over the rink grinning to himself before pulling his phone from his pocket.

With one picture of the ice and a selfie, that caught little more than his eye and the corner of his smile but gave a good view of the stands, sent off to Jack, Kent went back through the door to Swoops. “I’m going to live in there, it’s the only place I haven’t been too hot since I landed.” Kent laughed and Swoops rolled his eyes dramatically.

“You’re going to live with me and Jen and the girls, we have amazing air con I promise.”

“I’m, erm, what?” 

Swoops looked at him seemingly confused at his confusion, “What’s the problem?”

“I thought I’d be in a hotel somewhere until I sorted myself out?” 

“Do you really think,” Swoops walked towards him smiling and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, dragging him towards the door “That I’d spend this long with you if I was hotel transfer? We’d have sent a taxi and I’d never have had the kids make the sign.”

“Ah, that explains the glitter,” Kent said with a smirk, “I was a bit confused by that.”

“They were so excited to meet you, they wouldn’t go to school until I promised I wouldn’t take you home until they were there to greet you and even then I had to let them make the sign!”

“Why are they excited to meet me? They don’t know me.” Kent could feel his skin flushing with confusion and embarrassment and his stomach was tying itself in knots inside him.

“I told them that you were the only kid who ever beat me in a race on ice and they just had to meet you because they don’t believe anyone is faster than daddy.”

He had no idea what to say to that, he couldn’t remember ever having met Swoops before never mind having raced him for some reason, which would have been odd behaviour even for him, so he went for chirping instead “They’re young, they’ll grow out of thinking you’re a hero soon.” And he got an entirely justified slap on the side of the head in return.

 

-+-

 

_From Zimms: you didn’t have too but thanks for making me smile; I hope it’s not unlucky. Xx_

_Swoops said ‘fuck Bad Bob and his stupid superstitions’ when I asked if I could take pictures :-D I don’t think he’s worried ;-) xxx_

_From Zimms: Doesn’t sound like it no, I’m glad someone else thinks you should ignore my dad! Love you Kenny. Xx_

_It seems everyone is in agreement ;-) how you doing? Honestly! LY xxx_

_From Zimms: I’m good, honestly. I’m proud of you and I’m happy that you’re having fun, I’m making plans and will let you know what they are when I’m sorted :-) LY Jack._

-+-

“How’s, erm, how.” They’d been driving quietly for nearly ten minutes, Kent tapping away on his phone before Swoops tried to ask something and then stopped leaving an uncomfortable silence.

Sticking his phone into his pocket Kent looked up at Swoops who was side eyeing him while trying to keep his eyes on the road, “What do you want to know?” 

“I just, erm,” he stopped talking, concentrating instead on negotiating his way around a truck that had broken down in the road but once they were moving properly again he asked the question, all in a rush as if the words might get stuck if he slowed them down. “I just wondered how Zimmermann was and how you were after what happened.”

Kent took a breath to steady his voice, “Zimms is fine, I don’t know what you know already but it wasn’t anything like I’ve read in the papers. It was scary to find him but better me than anyone else, and he’s making plans and he doesn’t hate me too much for taking his place in the draft.” Kent was aiming for joking at the end but it fell flat, even to his own ears, and Swoops looked across at him, face screwed up in confusion.

“You know we always wanted you don’t you? Aces had the first pick and it was always going to be you.”

“What?” Kent’s eyes went wide 

“You don’t seriously think I’ve made all the arrangements and got the kids all excited in less than two days do you?” Swoops had pulled up at the curb as he spoke and once he’d stopped he reached his hand out and gripped Kent’s shoulder “You were always the Aces pick.” 

Kent looked at him for a long moment, studying his face and trying to work out if he was being chirped for thinking second wouldn’t have been good enough or if Swoops was straight up lying to him but neither seemed to be the case and he didn’t really know how to respond so instead he smirked wickedly and looked towards the house, “How about you tell me about this race I won then I know what to tell your kids about their old man.”

Swoops cuffed him around the back of the head with a laugh and then told him everything he needed to know.

 

-+-

 

“Are you sure I’m allowed to come Sir? It’s family skate day not bring your neighbour to work day.” Even at twelve Kent had perfected the smirk, joke and laugh to cover his worries, perfected for anyone but James and Mr Low anyway.

“As the Pops of the team I get to decide what day it is and I say you’re coming so stop messing around and jump in.”

Kent nodded and did as he was told, climbing into the back of the car next to James, while Mr and Mrs Low took the front seats, and he and James chatted away about school and hockey and the science homework James had brought with him so he could finish it, if he had time, in a quiet corner of the rink.

They’d been to the team’s rink many times before, their lessons and their hockey team games took place on the public rinks but family days and open skates had taken them there more than a few times over the years but something felt different about today. James was losing interest, or more accurately James was now fitting hockey around his school work rather than the other way around and while Kent was happy to see his friend happy he was beginning to worry about the effect it was going to have on his access to hockey and he felt guilty about it even though he supported James anyway he could.

Dropping them rink side with their skates Mr Low went off to the locker room to change into his gear and Mrs Low took James’ bag, reassuring him that he could join her in the stands to do the homework once he’d had some time on the ice, and Kent sat down next to James, talking to him as they put their skates on and then grabbing his hand and leading him on to the ice.

Once they were on the ice James relaxed and after a quick skate across and back he let go of Kent’s hand and they moved to join a group of other kids surrounding two players who were already on the ice and seemingly trying to set up a game of team tag. 

The players were picking their teams and as Kent and James approached they were called one to each side causing Kent to stop and look at James who was already mentally moving backwards towards the gate. “Sorry,” Kent winked at James, throwing his arm around his shoulder, and then smirked at the two hockey players in front of him, with all the cocky arrogance he could muster, “Two for one or no sale I’m afraid.”

Both players and the dozen kids around them stared at him for a long moment and he felt James start to tremble slightly under his arm but then the younger of the two players waved in his direction, “Come on then, Pops would kill me if I didn’t let you play”

Kent nodded and tightened his arm just slightly around James’ shoulder as he manoeuvred them over to join the team.

 

Tag lasted twenty minutes, Kent collecting six tags from the other team and only losing one of his, James lost two of his three before Kent’s perspective on the play changed and he focused on ensuring that James didn’t lose his last tag and therefore have to leave the ice, and when the buzzer sounded both teams celebrated like they’d won and Kent didn’t care if they had or they hadn’t.

Tag had clearly been a plan to keep them all busy until the rest of the players were ready, and the rest of the kids had arrived, because the next hour passed in organised drills and mini hockey games, players exchanging groups from one section to the next, teams being mixed up and reorganised but always, either due to Kent’s arm around his shoulder or due to the young player from earlier picking them first each time, with James and Kent on the same side.

 

“Jeff Troy,” a smiling face offered his hand to Kent as they stood in the concession area eating lunch and he instinctively tucked his head into his shoulders but forced himself to look at the player though not quite in the eye as he shook it, “Parson, Kent Parson,” he said nervously and then looked away, suddenly feeling like he had no right to be there.

“You’re good, Pops is always talking about you, it’s good to meet you.”

“I, erm,” Kent took a breath, “I’m sure he talks about James more.” 

To his credit, and Kent wanted to give him credit, Jeff noticed the discomfort but made no mention of it as he smiled “He’s proud of you both, anyway I’ll see you back on the ice,” and then walked away leaving Kent to eat his sandwich, and settle his nervously cramping stomach before he made his way into the stand to find James, busily writing up his Chemistry homework.

 

Exhibition games were tradition after lunch on family skate day, twenty minutes of the team playing against each other in a way that somehow had every player, bar the two goal tenders, playing for both sides at some point while the kids laughed and cheered and no one actually checked anyone or got in the way of anyone’s sticks and in the end it descended into trips and pushes and trick shots and even multiple pucks on the ice at once before the buzzer went and everyone was declared the winner leading to the funniest display of multiple cellies Kent had ever seen.

 

“Right then,” Mr Low addressed the kids, sat in a group behind the benches, “the last thing for today is the obstacle course” he gestured at the ice where the players were setting out cones and barriers along the length of the ice, leading to a pile of pucks about six feet from the net. “It’s a race, Troy and Gant are going to demonstrate, you carry your stick with you and your time ends when your puck hits the back of the net ok?”

The group watched the two players slowly make their way through the course and then score, Gant celebrating as if he really had beaten Troy in a full on race and then it was their turn, James was still sat with his mum, clearly not wanting to join in, so Kent just waved up at him as he took to the ice.

Kent won his first race by five seconds, the second by just over seven seconds and the semi-final by four seconds which put him in the obstacle course final up against the oldest, and most experienced of the kids. 

The eldest son of the captain who was quite probably off to the real junior leagues next season and Kent should probably have been more thoughtful but he was riding the high of James and Mr and Mrs Low cheering him from the stand so when he beat him by two seconds and the boy stomped off the ice complaining that he had no right to even be there Kent couldn’t hide his grin at the sour grapes as the rest of the kids rushed him into a huge group hug and Troy reached over them all to ruffle his hair “Not a bad try kid, not a bad try.”

“Not a bad try,” he said with a smirk and a waggle of his eyebrows as the kids let him go and he turned to look at the player, “I bet I could beat you!”

“What?” Troy moved closer and pulled himself up to full height, a serious look taking over his face but Kent didn’t flinch, “I’ve six years and almost a foot on you.”

Kent skated closer as the rest of the kids moved back, whispering between them, “Older and heavier doesn’t make you quicker.”

“Really?” The serious look on Troy’s face began to falter as his lips curled just slightly at the corners, “Have you heard this Pops?” Mr Low was making his way quickly towards them as Kent and the rookie looked like they were squaring up on the ice “Your kid here thinks he can beat me in a race.”

“He probably can,” Mr Low’s hand came to rest warm on Kent’s shoulder and he laughed at the look of shock and betrayal on the rookies face, “Shall we see?”

Troy’s eyes flicked from Mr Low’s to Kent’s and back again before he shook his head and rolled his eyes, “go on then, let’s do this.”

 

The kids left the ice in a gaggle of whispers and shouts and took their seats behind the bench while Kent and Troy made their way to the start of the course, casting smiling glances at each other and chirping each other as if they were teammates. 

“We’ve decided,” Kent started as Mr Low took his position between them to start the race, “That we should do this properly, haven’t we Jeff.” Kent knew that Mr Low knew him well enough to surmise that Troy knew nothing of this agreement until now but he was also sure that the player wouldn’t dare to disagree with him and risk looking stupid, “Puck on stick the whole way, big boys races, right Jeff.”

“Right Kent,” Troy said with a smirk and a grit of his teeth.

“Ok then,” Mr Low dropped two pucks on the ice and they took one each, setting themselves up at the starting line and Kent turned to Troy and winked before he looked straight ahead, eye on the goal and waited for the go. 

“Marks, set, GO!” 

They were off, around the first set of cones, in out, in out, figure of eight then in and out again, then came the mini suicides, back and forth, blue line to red, three times before the second snake of cones and then shoot, puck nestling in the top left of the net as Kent fell onto his back and watched the second puck, Troy’s puck, follow his into the net before he dropped down on the ice next to him, sliding into his side. “God man, you’re quick.” Before they were set upon by a roaring crowd of kids and players, Mr Low and Gant lifting Kent up onto their shoulders in celebration while everyone, kids included, chirped Troy for losing to a child.

 

-+-

 

There was a big pink sign over the door, covered in glitter and tiny hand prints of paint, that said ‘Welcome home Kent’ and it had him taking a deep breath and swallowing hard so as not to embarrass himself, “Can I take pictures of your house? Is that allowed?”

Swoops rested his arm around his shoulder, “You can take any pictures you like while you’re here, you can share anything you like with your mum and dad or with your boy but nothing identifiable, and certainly not the kids, on any social media.”

Pulling his phone from his pocket Kent wondered which part of Swoops’ sentence he should be most confused by, the total none issue of ‘your boy’ which he knew he’d used himself earlier but wasn’t sure if Swoops knew what he’d really meant, or the comment about his dad. He snapped a quick picture of the sign, sending it straight on to Jack, his mum and Mr Low, and then decided to tackle the dad thing.

“Thanks re photos for my mum, she likes to know I’m doing ok, but I would never send anything to my dad, haven’t seen him in years, I wouldn’t know if I could trust him.”

Swoops looked confused, “I spoke to him a few days ago, he said they were coming up to surprise you”

“Mr Low isn’t my dad, he’s Low I’m Parson Yeah?” Kent raised his eyebrows at him, confused at the misunderstanding

“So what? I’m Troy and my parents are Chamberlin, they adopted me after my mum died, I didn’t want to lose her name and they never asked me to, doesn’t mean they’re not my mum and dad though. Pops talked about you and James like you were brothers, and both his sons, he didn’t correct me whenever I asked after his boys so I just assumed, sorry.”

Kent stood looking thoughtfully at Swoops’ front steps for a long moment before he replied, “He’s always treated me like his own, he bought my first skates and paid for lessons and teams and stuff, he tends to call me son and he’d love me to use his nickname rather than calling him Sir or Mr Low, but however shit my dad is I can’t go around nicking my mates dads instead just because they’re nice to me when I look after their sons.”

“There are at least four guys on the team who think you’re Pops son and not because they heard it from me.” Swoops put his arm back around Kent’s shoulder stepping towards his front door, “I don’t think you appreciate quite how important you are to him. Anyway,” he turned his head and smiled mischievously, “time to meet the kids, come on.”

 

-+-

“Dad asked me to talk to you,” James had been sat on Kent’s bed scribbling away at his maths homework for half an hour while Kent was working on a history essay and Kent was happy to put his pen down to listen.

“What’ve I done wrong?”

James moved his books around, creating a space beside him next to the wall and patted the space, encouraging Kent to join him and he slipped into the space, resting warm against James side with a smile. “Should I be worried?”

“Don’t be daft,” James nudged their shoulders together, “He just wants me to tell you that his names Frank or Pops on the ice and that it would be totally ok for you to call him that rather than keep calling him Sir or Mr. I told him I’d tell you so I am” 

“Okay, Thanks,” Kent moved to get up off the bed but James reached for his hand, pulling him back down next to him, lacing their fingers together on his knee

“I told him it’d make you uncomfortable for me to say anything but I promised I would.”

“It’s ok,” Kent leant closer, “I know he cares and I’ll try but let’s be honest he must be the only adult on earth objecting to fourteen year olds trying to show respect for their elders.” 

James laughed at the grin on Kent’s face and smiled back at him before he went back to his homework while Kent sat beside him thinking loudly.

-+-

 

Maisie and Sarah ran to the door as Swoops opened it and shouted hello and he quickly scooped them up off the floor, one on each arm, and walked back towards the living room allowing Kent to follow him having left his bags by the door. 

“He’s here mummy, he’s here.” Maisie was shouting and by the time Kent made it into the living room she couldn’t contain herself any longer and she wriggled from her dad’s arms and ran at Kent, stopping inches in front of him, “You’re staying here, I help make your bed, Mummy’s making dinner, did you like the sign, Sarah helped make it, I did the glitter.” 

Maisie kept talking until Kent crouched down, to make himself almost as short as her, and beamed a smile at her “thank you for the sign, I love the glitter,” he winked as Maisie’s face lit up in a proud grin, “it’s nice of you and Sarah to let me stay with you and your mummy and daddy.” 

Sarah slid down from Swoops arm at the sound of her name and inched up to her sister, she looked more wary than Maisie so Kent tried to make himself even smaller by sitting down and crossing his legs, before he spoke again. “I bet mummy and daddy have rules for us kids don’t they?” Both girls nodded “Do you think you’ll be able to help me learn them before I get told off?”

Kent heard a huff of laughter behind the girls and he glance up to see Swoops and his wife stood together watching him before his attention was drawn back to the girls who were whispering together, while Sarah pointed at him and then Maisie leant closer to his ear, glancing around her like she was about tell a big secret and was trying not to be overheard “You should have taken your shoes off, they stay in porch.”

A sudden, exaggerated, look of panic took over Kent’s face and he reached for his laces and leant closer to Sarah, “thank you both for telling me, can you distract mummy and daddy for me while I take them off and put them away?” Both girls nodded excitedly and ran off in the direction of their parents while Kent finished unfastening his shoes and took them out to the hall, setting them down on the floor next to the two small pairs that were already there.

“You’re good with them,” Jen spoke with a smile as she joined Kent in the hall, “I’ll show you your room so you can settle in before dinner. The girls are expecting some funny stories while we eat so you should probably have a rest and get your energy together.”

“Thanks for letting me stay; it’s very kind of you.”

“I’m just thinking about the baby sitting,” Jen winked at him, “No being kind about it.”


	3. Chapter 3

_‘Did you ever get your plans sorted Zimms? I hope you’ll let me know if you want to. No pressure :-) LY xx’_

_From Zimms: Honestly Kenny I’ve been meaning to text you but I didn’t want to interrupt your preseason and then suddenly it was today and tomorrow is tomorrow and I didn’t want to intrude. This is your time Kenny, go get what you deserve. Xxx_

_‘How many points do I have to score before you’ll tell me? ;-)’_

_From Zimms: Ok, I’m not doing this Kenny. Score points for you, play games for you and make friends for you, never ever for me and not because you think I’ll give you something if you do. I’ve been a shit person to you, I want to be your friend but only if I’m good for you. So, no points scoring needed. Here’s my plan. I’m moving to Boston, volunteering as a pee-wee coach while working in a bookshop and taking a couple of classes at college. I want to rediscover the fun of Hockey and I think this’ll work. Enjoy tomorrow, you’ve earned it. Xx_

_‘That is fucking awesome Zimms, you’ll be great with the kids and there’s nothing like little people to make the ice fun, Our preseason family skate was brilliant, Maisie picked me over Swoops because she wanted to win the race, his face was awesome. Sorry for the points joke, I didn’t really mean it but I’ll think before I text next time :-D Good luck in Boston. Love you, xxx’_

_From Zimms: Thank you for your support in this. Have fun playing with the big boys :-D Love you too, xx_

 

-+-

 

All the dreams he’d had of NHL debut day had been filled with excitement and a rush of things as if there wasn’t enough time for everything before the puck drop but the reality was very different. 

Breakfast at eight followed by morning skate and strategy meetings left Kent home at one o’clock feeling like he had no idea what to do now so he followed Swoops’ lead and did as Jen directed, eating lunch, keeping hydrated and then heading to bed for a nap, not that he actually managed that part but he did stay in his room and pretend.

At four he was ‘woken from his nap’ for pre match food and then, with hugs from the kids and a ruffle of his hair and a kiss on the cheek from Jen, he left the house with Swoops, vibrating with excitement and grinning ear to ear. “You ready Parse?”

“Nope,” he shook his head and smiled manically, “No going back now though.”

Swoops laughed and pulled the car into the road heading for the rink.

 

-+-

First in the draft didn’t mean automatic first line, Kent knew that, but he hit preseason with a determination and focus that he hadn’t felt in over a year. Being the new guy, tiny and young among the established players, and with four of the players still convinced that he was the son of one of their past teammates, and therefore that they wanted to look after him, he felt a freedom he didn’t know he’d been missing. 

No one looked to him for support, he wasn’t responsible for getting anyone but himself fit to be on the ice and the press at the preseason games was mostly handled by the captain, who for the first time in years, wasn’t him.

By four games into the six they had planned before the season started Kent had scored three goals and had two assists and, when he scored two more in the fifth game, the captain had been unable to avoid sending him to face the press for the first time. Swoops had offered to go with him which Kent was more pleased about than he hoped was visible on his face.

The first four questions were game related and he answered them with a smile, confirming the importance of his team and how much he was loving Vegas and how the team had helped him settle in, especially Swoops, who leaned closer, bumping his shoulder and grinning at him as he said it but just as he was standing up from his chair, press conference number one under his belt, a small voice piped up ‘What’s it like playing without Zimmermann, do you know how he’s been since the drugs.’ And he had no choice but to sit back down and look around to find the face behind the voice.

Swoops put his hand on his arm, turned his face away from the watching cameras and whispered “you don’t have to answer that” but Kent just quirked his eyebrows at him before leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and smiling widely and calmly at the young woman asking the question who looked like she wished the floor would open up and eat her.

“My boy is doing fine,” he nodded just slightly and winked at her still retaining his smile “but he’s not on the ice so he’s not up for discussion.” 

The room was silent, as if no one could decide whose turn it was to speak or if anyone should speak at all, so Kent waved at the first camera he made eye contact with and stood up and left, followed by Swoops who had to cover his mouth to hide a smile until they were out of earshot of the press. 

“That, Kent Parson, was the single most awesome answer you could have given!” He wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him close into his side and with a whole set of emotions that Kent wasn’t ready to analyse right now he whispered “I’m proud of you” in his ear and didn’t let go of him until they were safely back in the locker room.

Jack sent him a text, ‘thank you’ with three smiley face emojis, the press said very little, other than that he didn’t look in any way upset about Zimmermann and that he’d been very polite in his answer, while Bad Bob had sent him an email, two pages long, detailing exactly why he had no right to use the words ‘my boy’ about Jack now he’d deserted him when he needed him most and that he shouldn’t be suggesting things to the press about their relationship that weren’t even TRUE. It had capitalised shouting and everything but it still made Kent laugh more than it made him angry.

 

-+-

Once he hit the locker room all nerves left him, this was it, this was the moment he’d worked for and the peace of it, without anyone but himself to worry about, felt beautiful. His mum, Mr Low and James had made the trip, all paid for by him, and stepping out on to the ice for warm up he cast a glance to the family area smiling when he saw them and then he got his head down and did what he was born to do or what he’d worked his arse off to be able to do depending on how he looked at it.

He played on the second line, with Swoops and Jaric and within seconds of hitting the ice he felt like he’d been playing with them forever. They’d trained hard and practiced plays for hours, mixing lines to find the best combinations and suddenly it all came together. By the end of the first period Kent had his first NHL assist, Swoops scored the goal, and the captain had scored a breakaway while the defence held solid making it two to zero at the break.

The second period was frustrating, played mostly in the neutral zone until, with seconds to the buzzer, the Schooners centre intercepted a loose pass from Kent and in seconds they were down the ice and celebrating pulling one back. 

Sat quiet in his stall, trying to listen to the coach but struggling to stop his brain beating him up from the inside he felt a soft hand on his shoulder and a quick squeeze of reassurance as Tater, Alexei Mashkov, grinned at him, “We’ve got this Parse, we good.” and suddenly he felt his game face fall back into place, “Too Fucking right we’re good” and they were, he was.

Two goals in the third, one for Kent the other for his fellow rookie Jaydar, with only the one past their own keeper and Kent didn’t just have his NHL debut under his belt he also had his first goal, first assist and first win and the smile he flashed up at the family area could have lit up the room.

“Get changed,” Caps voice was rough from shouting but his grip was gentle as he put one hand on Kent’s shoulder and the other around Jaydar’s, “go see your families while the big boys deal with the press and then we’re taking you out to celebrate.”

“Whatever you say Cap,” Kent saluted, earning himself ruffled hair and an affectionate a clip round the ear.

 

“Kent Parson, you awesome hulk of a man” James stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him, slapping him on the back, and Kent shrugged and brought his arms up around James’ back pulling him closer and leaning his head down on his shoulder,

“I did good?” 

“You were amazing Kenny, totally amazing”

“Thanks, and thanks for coming.”

“I promised I’d be here.” 

Kent stood himself up, smiled warmly at James and winked, “you did, but I can still say thanks”

 

“Kenny!” Mr Low, who’d been talking to a woman in the far corner of the room while casting desperate glances in his direction, strode quickly towards him, grinning and looking prouder than Kent had ever seen him look which made his heart do a funny thing and his brain make a decision it had refused to make for years.

“So Pops,” Mr Low’s eyes widened and if he didn’t know better Kent would have said he saw a tear in them, “How did I do?” 

Pops wiped at his eye with the back of his hand and then pulled Kent into his chest, “You were as good as I knew you’d be son, every bit as good as I knew you’d be.”

“Thanks Pops,” Kent whispered against his chest and Pops dipped his head to rest his cheek on the top of Kent’s head.

“Thank you son, it’s all on you, don’t ever forget it.”

 

“Well, look at you two.” Kent turned away from Pops at the sound of his mother’s voice, “I went to the bathroom to clean up my tears so as not to embarrass you and I come back out here to see you two blubbing in each other’s arms.” She smiled warmly as she spoke.

“It’s manly to show your emotions mum, you taught me that,” he said it with a wink as he wrapped one arm around his mother and kissed her cheek. They chatted for a few minutes, Kent enjoying his mum’s excitement and kind words and then he felt a sudden tall presence behind him and tipped his head back to look up at Jaydar, “Time to go?” 

Jaydar nodded, clearly nervous about speaking, his English not yet conversation ready, and Kent kissed his mother’s cheek again and shook hands with James and Pops. “We’re being taken out to celebrate; I’ll see you for dinner tomorrow ok?”

“Have fun boys.” Mrs Parson nodded and waved them off.

 

-+-

 

The whole team hit the first bar, the quiet post game bar that Swoops had pointed out on his tour, but by the time they made it to somewhere with music and dancing the group had dwindled. Swoops had stayed even though all the other men with kids had gone home because Jen had instructed him to have fun with his rookie for once. Jaric, Jaydar and Miller, who Swoops already seemed to consider to be the party animals of the team, were chatting away and eyeing groups of girls on the dance floor while Tater just seem to be happy not to go home to his hotel room before he had too.

They were stood in a corner of the club, chatting and drinking and laughing as one of the groups of girls that Miller had been eyeing approached them, the ‘leader’ of the group walking right into the middle of the team, sliding her body up against Kent’s and speaking directly into his ear as she asked him if he wanted to buy her a drink.

“What?” he pulled his head back and looked her up and down, not missing the winks and grins he was getting from Jaric and Miller and then glanced around the friends who were with her spotting three other girls who looked as eager to speak to the group as the first girl and another girl, a few steps behind who looked like she wanted to die of embarrassment at her friends actions. He smiled gently at the nervous girl and then spoke to the group. “Come on then, let’s find a booth and have some fun." 

Jaric, Jaydar, Miller and Tater offered an arm to each of the giggling girls and Swoops led the way through the club to the VIP area while Kent hung back slightly, gesturing with his head to the girl who looked nervous at this whole situation and waiting for her to follow. 

By the time Kent and the girl reached the booth the others were arranged boy girl around the table and there was only a small space left, next to Swoops, on the end of the seat. 

“You want to take a seat while I get some drinks?” 

The girl looked down, shuffling her feet nervously, seemingly unsure what she wanted to do. “I should, Erm…” she took a step away and gestured towards the door weakly, “I should probably go,”

Kent felt his heart pull towards her and his feet followed, taking him a step closer “Why don’t you help me get cocktails,” he gestured towards the bar and smiled slightly, “then we can sort the seating arrangements.”

Without actually meeting his eyes she nodded and walked with him to the bar.

“Kent.” Kent said and offered his hand once they were stood at the bar and the girl finally looked up at him.

“Charlotte,” she shook his hand “Charlie to some people.”

“To those people?” he asked carefully, quirking his eyes towards the group they’d just left and she shook her head just once. “Ok Charlie,” he winked and she smiled, “What shall we treat ourselves to? Your pick.”

“The girls would kill for a cosmopolitan or something like that” 

He waved the barman over, “And you?” 

He heard her take a breath before she spoke and it didn’t sound happy, “I’d like something that isn’t alcoholic but that they won’t know isn’t.”

Kent leant closer and resisted the urge to put his hand on her shoulder, “I can make that work, trust me,” and when she just about managed to smile he smiled back at her.

 

Carrying a tray with nine cosmopolitans (why shouldn’t hockey players drink cocktails?) and two glasses of soda water with a slice of lime, an umbrella and a straw should have been easy for someone with the sense of balance Kent was supposed to have but after he’d spilt one only a foot from the bar, which the barman replaced, and nearly dropped the whole tray when someone walked past him and took him by surprise Charlotte took the tray from him and, in a manner that spoke to her having done this before, held it on one hand and walked back to the table without spilling a drop.

Glasses were claimed quickly, Swoops eyeing his cosmopolitan as if he thought Kent was trying to poison him, especially because Kent was drinking ‘the special’ that the barman had made, and Kent nodded at Charlotte and then addressed the table, “I know hockey asses are a thing to behold but shove up and let a girl sit will you boys.” 

His teammates laughed and started to try and rearrange themselves but Kent noticed a problem with the girl who had initially approached him who seemed to be glaring at Charlotte while using her, probably no more than size six body, to take up more room on the bench than Tater was next to her and then the girl spoke and Charlotte took a sudden step back.

“Lottie prefers to stand don’t you Lottie?” 

Charlotte’s face hardly changed but Kent saw the sadness in the tightening in her eyes and the way she began to roll the umbrella stick between her finger and thumb

“I’m sorry,” he said and he leant closer, I didn’t catch your name earlier.” Something in his tone had Tater getting out of his seat.

“Marcia,” she offered her hand and Kent took it, shook it and didn’t let it go, instead he smiled pleasantly and pulled her gently towards the edge of the bench, encouraging her up on to her feet.

“There appears to have been an error,” to the untrained eye Kent still looked friendly but Swoops was beginning to twitch just slightly at the other side of the table, “My boys and I value friendship, it’s important to our very souls, keeps us safe on the ice you know.” Kent took a couple of steps away from the table, still not releasing Marcia’s hand. “We thought you felt the same, I apologise for our error.”

Marcia was looking at him in confusion and behind her the boys were smirking, clearly now knowing what was going to happen, the girls sat on the bench were glancing between each other a little nervously and Charlotte’s eyes were wide while still only almost looking at Kent.

“This man,” Kent raised his hand towards the door and one of the security staff was at his side in seconds, “Is going to put you in a taxi home.”

“He, he what?” The look of shock on Marcia’s face and the disbelief in her voice when she finally realised what was happening almost made him laugh.

“I’ll pay for your cab, friends keep each other safe after all, but it’s time for you to go now.” 

He handed some notes to the security man, who was clearly not going to allow Marcia to stay in the VIP area for many more moments and then he walked away without looking back and winked at Charlotte. Tater slid back onto the bench, moving up closer to Miller and Kent gestured to Charlotte to slip in beside Tater while he perched on the end.

It took less than two minutes for the other three girls to recover from their friend being evicted from the party and they were quickly back to sipping their cocktails and participating in multi way conversations but Charlotte was quiet next to him so Kent chatted with Swoops across the table while he gave her a moment to settle and quickly drank his drink. As soon as he’d finished his drink he leaned in to Charlotte’s ear, “You want to show off your tray skills again?” 

“Better than you spilling them.” She smiled at him and the smile even reaching her eyes.

“Come on then,” he slid out from under the table and then offered a hand, which Charlotte took as she slid out after him. “Same again?”

“Yes, yes, same again Parse.” Tater stated enthusiastically and the others nodded their agreement so Kent and Charlotte made their way to the bar, hands still held together, swinging between them.

“I hope I haven’t caused you any trouble with Marcia, I don’t know how you know her but I hope things are ok next time you see her.” He honestly hadn’t thought his plan through to the effect it would have tomorrow he just couldn’t watch someone treat another member of their friendship group like that.

“She won’t be happy but she’ll probably just pretend it didn’t happen and hope no one else finds out. It’s not like it’s going to be an on-going problem for her, we’re not likely to run into you again are we?”

The barman approached them and Kent ordered eight cosmopolitans and two ‘specials’ before he turned back to talking to Charlotte, still swinging their hands together. “I hope we do run into you again.” 

Charlotte blushed, looked away and dropped his hand as if it was on fire and he scrambled for something to say that would stop her panic, “I’m not, I wasn’t.” He stopped talking, took a breath and wiped his hands over his face. “I really didn’t mean what you seem to think I meant, I’m not really like that.” 

She looked up slightly, catching his eye and looking at him nervously. “What did you mean?”

“Well,” He turned his back to the bar and leant against it, elbows rested on it, trying to look as cool and calm as he didn’t feel. “I moved to Vegas a couple of months ago, I’m living with Swoops,” he used his finger to point him out in the booth, “And his wife and kids, who are really cute,” he couldn’t help the grin and Charlotte’s face relaxed slightly, “My teammates are the only people I know here and they’re great but hockey and hockey players are what I’ve spent my whole life with.” 

The barman placed a tray down next to Kent’s elbow and he turned back to the bar, handing a bundle of notes over before he looked at Charlotte again. “You’re not Hockey, you’re not a hockey player and, unlike Marcia and the rest of your friends, you don’t seem to have any desire to get your hands on hockey players and,” this time he picked up his glass off the tray, took a sip and dipped it in Charlotte’s direction, “You’ve never asked me why I’m not drinking you’ve just happy to conspire in our little subterfuge.”

They stood in silence for a moment while Charlotte fidgeted with her hair, the hem of her shirt and then the cuffs of her cardigan and Kent waited for her to do whatever she wanted to do next. He didn’t speak or look away although he did wave a hand to stop Tater when he saw him stand and take a step towards them and eventually he was rewarded with a smile.

“I’m sorry for being weird,” Kent opened his mouth to argue but she didn’t leave space for him to speak, “I’m not good with people, I tend to read them wrong, sorry.”

“No need for sorry” Kent picked the tray up off the bar and winked as Charlotte put out a hand to take it from him, “Why don’t we go have fun with our friends and, just for tonight, pretend that we aren’t both totally socially inept.”

She laughed at that and then, much to Kent’s surprise, reached for his hand with her free one and led him back to the table where the ten of them chatted for hours until Charlotte and Kent, being the only two sober people at the table, organised taxis for everyone and went their separate ways.


	4. Chapter 4

He could feel Maisie’s presence in the doorway as he moved around the room, picking things out of drawers and cupboards and piling everything on his bed ready to pack into his bag for the five day, three game, roadie they we’re leaving for at ten and Kent was evenly balanced between trying to pretend that she wasn’t there and concentrating on the fact that she was so as to avoid breaking down in panic like his stomach wanted him to.

It was nearly breakfast time, before Jen would take the girls out to school and leave them to finish their packing and leave in peace, but Maisie seemed in no rush to leave the doorway and he couldn’t fiddle with his things any longer so he turned to the doorway and smiled and winked at her, “Shall we go have breakfast?”

Maisie shook her head just once and then reached out towards him with her hand, which was holding tightly to the ears of the fluffy cat she always slept with, and gave him a tentative smile, “You take kitty with you? She’ll look after you.”

“That’s a lovely offer sweetheart,” Kent had to sit down, suddenly feeling shaky “But kitty’s yours, she looks after you.”

“Daddy takes her with him sometimes; he sends me pictures and postcards from her.” She walked towards him nervously, she knew she wasn’t supposed to be in his room without asking, “You were sad last time you came back and I heard daddy tell mummy you didn’t play awesome as normal and Kitty makes me happy and makes me run fast on sports day so.” She stopped talking and placed the cuddly cat on his knee, letting it go and walking back towards the door.

“Maisie sweetie,” he picked up the cat and cuddled it under his chin and Maisie grinned at him when she turned around and saw it, “You don’t need to worry about me you know, I’m an adult, it’s not your job to worry about me.”

The words left Kent’s mouth in just the way he’d heard them from his mother many years ago and the way Maisie’s face dropped and tears began to well in her eyes sparked a memory his brain had been pretending not to have and he felt sick to his stomach.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, Can I try that again? I really didn’t mean that, sorry.” He tapped the bed next to him, “will you sit with me?”

It took a second but finally she walked back and hopped up on the bed next to him.

“I’m sorry I said that it wasn’t your job to worry about me, that was silly of me wasn’t it?” Maisie nodded and almost smiled. “It’s not like you can stop worrying because I tell you too is it?”

 

-+-

“Mummy,” It was sunny outside and Kent had spent the whole of his birthday party playing in the back garden with his friends from school, eating cake and jelly and ice cream. They’d played games and everyone had won prizes and it had been the very best party Kent had ever had but now the house was quiet and he was sat at the table on his own eating his tea and wondering where his mum was.

“Mummy, are you coming for tea?”

His mum popped her head out of the kitchen, “I’ll be there in a minute, how’s the salad?”

“It’s yummy mummy, very tasty. My favourite.”

She smiled at him as her head disappeared back around the kitchen door and a moment later, carrying a mug between her hands, she reappeared and sat down next to him.

“What are you having for tea?”

“I’ll have mine later sweetheart, I’ve still things to sort out from the party and we need to get you to bed. Five year olds need as much sleep as four year olds you know.” She smiled warmly at him and ran her fingers through his hair and he leaned into the touch for a second before going back to his dinner.

Lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes and peppers were in his salad and there were bits of cheese and ham in it and two pieces of bread to make a sandwich with and Kent ate it all but for three pieces of pepper, because he didn’t really like yellow ones, and a piece of cheese.

“That was yummy mummy,” he grinned up at her and then yawned, trying to hide it with his hand.

“Go put your jammies on sweetheart, I’ll come up and read you a story when you’re in bed ok?”

Kent nodded and slid down from the table, pushed himself up on tiptoe to kiss his mum’s cheek as she sat and then he made his way to the door where he turned to say ‘be quick’ only to catch his mother eagerly eating the remnants of his dinner so he said nothing and hoped that she didn’t know that he’d seen.

He might have been only little but Kent could make plans and traps like anyone so he made a plan and set his trap and over the next two weeks, after every meal that he’d eaten while his mummy sipped at a drink beside him, telling him she’d eat later once he was in bed, he saw her eat the carrots or peas or chicken or tomatoes or whatever he’d decided to leave on his plate when he’d pretended to be full that night, as he watched from the doorway on his way to bed.

 

“I’m worried about you mummy,” he whispered it into her side as she cuddled him in bed one night, feeling the outline of her ribs against his hand and hearing her stomach rumble under his ear, “I think you’re hungry.”

His mum pulled away from him slightly, tucking her cardigan around her and fidgeting with the cuffs of her sleeves, “I have my tea once you’re asleep son, don’t worry about me, I’m the adult it’s my job to worry about you not the other way around.”

“You eat the food I leave from my dinner.” He whispered it, feeling almost like he was confessing to something, he shouldn’t have been spying on his mum after all, and he felt her tense and pull away from him further.

“You’re right sweetheart, I really shouldn’t do that.” She turned her head and smiled at him with the most fake smile he’d ever seen from her. “From now on why don’t we make it your job to clear your plate from the table and put the rubbish in the bin, then I won’t be tempted will I?” She kissed his head and he tried not to cry. That wasn’t want he’d wanted at all.

 

-+-

“You and your family have been really nice to me, letting me live with you and play with you. I feel very safe and happy when I’m here because you’re all so lovely. You’re a very clever young lady and very special for caring about me and for noticing when I’m not as happy and for trying to help.”

Maisie’s eyes went shy at the complement but she didn’t look away.

“Worry can make your tummy hurt can’t it?” Maisie nodded. “And it can make you watch people to check they’re ok when really you should be playing and having fun or when you should be having your breakfast ready for school yeah?” Maisie grinned, knowing that that’s exactly what she should be doing right now. “I’m not going to tell you to stop worrying sweetheart, because I know that doesn’t work and because I want you to tell me if you’re ever worried, about me or about anything else ok?” Maisie nodded, “It’s important to let people know you’re worried so if you can’t tell me I’m worrying you tell daddy and mummy ok, because they’re really good at helping us kids.” 

Kent winked at Maisie and quirked his head towards the door where he could see Swoops listening to them and she smiled at her dad.

“I had a bad time away last time sweetheart, I’m really sorry that I worried you, but daddy will be with me and,” he picked up the cuddly cat on his knee and snuggled it under his chin making Maisie smile, “Now I have kitty to cuddle and all her adventures to photograph for her wonderful owner so I’ll be fine.” 

“You’re going to take her?” Maisie asked it with the same excitement she’d asked if they were really going to the park after school yesterday and Kent had to wipe a stray tear from his eye before it hit his cheek.

“If kitty comes with me then you don’t need to worry because Kitty will be looking after me right?” Maisie nodded and grinned, “Then Kitty comes with me.” Maisie dove forward and cuddled him around the waist just for a second before Swoops coughed in the doorway and she jumped down from the bed, running past her dad and down to the kitchen as quickly as she could.

“Thank you.” Swoops said as he turned to follow her, “Thank you for helping her.” 

Kent didn’t really know what to say to that, he wasn’t sure that he’d said anything useful especially because inside he was still terrified about being away, stuck in a hotel, for five days and nights and he was sure that Kitty wasn’t going to be enough to change that, so he just grinned, the most unconvincing grin he’s tried since he’d arrived in Vegas and stood up, “Breakfast.”

“I want mine in bed tomorrow.”

“You want me to bring your breakfast to your room tomorrow? You serious?”

“No” Swoops reached his arm around his shoulder and pulled Kent closer, walking towards the stairs, “Rookies answer the door to room service, its roomie law.”

“Roomies?” Kent recognised Maisie’s excitement in his own voice and felt himself blush.

“Yes, Roomies, you didn’t think you were getting away from me that easily did you?”

Kent relaxed, resting his head, heavy against Swoops’ shoulder, “thank you.”

 

-+-

 

“If you ask me one more time if I’m ok I will not be responsible Parse, whatever the fuck is wrong with you you need to pull yourself together, you’re playing shit, you’re not sleeping and you’re driving me insane!”

“Playing shit, what the hell? I scored one last night and two in the first game while you’re barely making minutes on the ice”

“Scoring maybe but your head’s not in the game. You’re keeping me awake and asking me stupid questions and do you know how weird it is to interrupt someone who’s having a fucking shower just to ask if they’re ok?”

Miller was shouting and angry and Kent couldn’t blame him really, he was being odd, he was watching every move Miller made and asking stupid question and he was guilty of knocking on the bathroom door when he couldn’t hear him moving and he couldn’t tell him why. Even if he wanted to he could never have found the words.

A roadie hotel room, sleeping alone in his bed, an almost stranger in the bed beside him and the constant flashes of memory of walking into a hotel bathroom, a few short weeks ago and finding Jack, blue on the floor on their very last morning together, how could he explain that to anyone?

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could manage, it wasn’t enough and it didn’t stop Miller eyeing him with concern, and still a little anger, but it was the last thing he said to Miller on the trip. He bit his tongue every time he wanted to check on him, he sat on his hands when he wanted to move towards the bathroom and check for movement and he played the final game of the trip in a daze, wishing he could call Jack and dreaming of falling into his arms to lose himself to the feeling that Jack was really still alive.

He wanted to text Jack, he wanted to tell him he missed him, he wanted to tell him he was lonely and he wanted to tell him that roadies without nights holding him in his arms made no sense and hurt like hell, but he didn’t because Jack hadn’t text him since preseason started and if Jack hadn’t asked about hockey then he had absolutely no right to complain about it.

 

-+-

 

Kitty travelled in Kent’s bag, head sticking out of the top, looking out of the window of the plane, and Swoops took a photo and posted it to his private Instagram account for Maisie to see when she got home from school. 

“I need to set you up with access,”

“To your family insta? Really?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“Because my adopting other kids dad’s thing should really stop when the dad is my teammate don’t you think?” Kent winked and tried for a grin but Swoops saw through it with ease.

“The girls have adopted you not you adopting me, they love you and Maisie will expect photos that don’t come from me!”

Kent nodded and pulled out his phone just as the invite arrived and, having clicked it and joined, he lifted kitty from his bag, sat her on Swoops’ knee and took a photo of his own which he posted for Maisie with a smiley face and heart emoji.

 

“When we said adopt a rookie,” Cap spoke through the gap in the seats, “we didn’t mean to never leave him alone Troy.”

Swoops turned his head looking quizzically at Cap and Kent determinedly looked out of the window.

“Rookies room share not us lot, why the hell are you sharing with Parse? It’s not the done thing you know, whatever coach says it’s not how we do things.”

“Parse is a fucking shit roommate” a voice shouted from across the aisle, “Swoops is welcome to him with his late night pacing and fear of the fucking bathroom door.”

Kent wanted to cry, or possibly to die, right where he was and he reach for Kitty pulling her into his chest and curling his fingers through her fur just as a loud crack rang through the air and Miller yelped, clearly in pain. 

“Shut up” followed by what sounded like swearing in Russian filled the air in a voice that Kent would have thought was Tater’s if it hadn’t been harsher than he’d ever heard him even when fighting on the ice. 

The volume increased, as did the number of languages being used, until Swoops stood up, whistled loudly and glared from face to face until they all fell silent and sat back in their seats. “This is not up for discussion, it’s no one’s fucking business but mine and on this subject that includes you Cap, so lay off the lot of you and shut the fuck up!” 

Swoops sat heavily back in his seat, thudding his head back on the head rest and closing his eyes as he reached out his hand and rested it warm and strong on Kent’s arm.

 

He kept his hand on Kent’s arm until the tension in the cabin eased, the chatter resumed and Kent calmed enough to sit straighter in his seat at which point he gave his arm a tug pulling him closer, until he was resting against his side and he could speak directly into his ear. “Do you speak Russian?”

Kent shook his head.

“Tater threatened to rip the throat out of any man who ever again questioned where you sleep in hotels and I think he was serious” He smiled and Kent almost mirrored it. “It’ll be fine from here I promise.”

“I’m sorry,” the voice came quietly from the seat behind. “I should have thought Parse,”

Kent took a breath to steady himself and sat up properly in his seat before he turned to look at Cap and flashed his ‘there’s nothing wrong here’ smile at him. “No bother Cap, I’m just hoping he snores less than Miller.”

Swoops saw it for the cover it was but Cap visibly relaxed as if he thought the whole problem was sorted and winked, “Ear plugs, roomies always require ear plugs.”

 

“Window or Door?” Swoops asked as he followed Kent into their room gesturing towards the beds and Kent dropped his bag on the one by the window,

“This one if you don’t mind.”

“Don’t mind at all,” he put his bag down next to the other bed and sat down to take off his shoes. “I sing in the shower, I never remember to shut the bathroom door properly and I can’t do with silence, will that be a problem for you?”

“Thanks,” Kent sat on his bed and grabbed Kitty, sitting her on the small chest of drawers between the beds and clicking a photo of her which he sent off to Maisie, “I’ll try to get better at this, I promise.”

“Just play, enjoy yourself and, if you need to, let me know what else I should be doing ok?”

An image Kent never wanted to see again in his life flashed through his brain when he thought of the only other thing he was missing about Jack on roadies and the bark of laughter that escaped him caused a confused smile on Swoops’ face, “Something I should worry about?”

“No, nothing at all,” Kent shuddered, “just thinking and,” Kent looked for a change of subject, “wondering how long it is until dinner.”

 

-+-

Kitty attended practice at the first rink, tucked into Kent’s shirt, she sat on the bench at the second and stayed in the locker room at the third, all of which were photographed and sent to Maisie. After his two goals in match one Miller offered to take a photo of Kent and Kitty under the scoreboard, silent forgiveness and understanding sealed with the flash and when game three ended in an overtime win, care of a goal from Swoops with a Kent’s assist, making it three wins in three for the trip, they took a team photo in the dressing room, with Kitty sat on Cap’s head, and posted it to the club account as well as sending it to Maisie.

Swoops sang in the bathroom and chatted until Kent was asleep at night and, on night three, he located Kitty, who had fallen to the floor when Kent had startled awake from a dream with panic in his eyes, and settled her back in Kent’s arms before talking him back off to sleep. 

In return Kent answered the door to room service every morning and Swoops got his requested breakfast in bed.

 

-+-

Back on home ice, and extending their winning run to eight games, Tater, Jaydar and Miller were eager to celebrate their start to the season and, having checked that Swoops didn’t mind and wouldn’t prefer Kent to go home and babysit so Jen could join him in the bar instead, Kent joined the three of them. 

Given the time, and the fact that there were only the party boys in attendance, they made their way directly to the club they’d been in three weeks ago, grabbed drinks from the bar and found a small table to lean on while they drank enough to make dancing seem like a good idea.

Following a heavy check in the eighth minute of the third Kent could feel bruises flaring on the left side of his ribs and, due to his reaction to Kent being heavily checked in the eighth minute of the third, Tater’s knuckles were red and sore as they flexed around his glass so they both started the night with, what Kent claimed to be, double vodka and cokes to take the edge off the pain and limber them up. Miller and Jaydar needed no such help and were on the dance floor, making friends and laughing loudly within a few minutes.

“We sit up there?” Tater gestured towards the VIP area on the balcony and Kent nodded, moving quickly away from the dance floor and up the stairs where they settled, side by side, on stools just behind the glass.

They sat talking for a few minute, Kent learning things about junior hockey in Russia that he didn’t know he didn’t know while Tater never mentioned Kent’s time in the Q, for which Kent wanted to hug him, but when Kent put his empty glass down on the table and tried to offer Tater another, things got slightly awkward.

“I go, my turn” Tater put a hand on Kent’s shoulder to stop him getting up and reached for his glass.

“It’s ok,” Kent pulled the glass away, “I’ll get them.”

“No no, you rookie, I get them.”

Kent raised his eyebrows questioningly, “you’re not suggesting I can’t afford a drink on a rookie salary are you?”

“No, no, have money but also have teammate. My turn.” He extracted the glass from Kent’s hand with no further argument and made his way to the bar, returning only a few moments later as they seemed to have the area all to themselves. “Is good.” He put the glass down in front of Kent who eyed it warily, “drink Parse, is good.”

The look of hope on Tater’s face, as if buying vodka for a friend was the binding seal to a friendship or something, made it impossible for Kent to refuse so he took a deep preparatory breath as he lifted the glass to his mouth and took a gulp, waiting for the comforting and terrifying burn in his throat as the vodka hit it but after a second he took another gulp and then a third, a little more slowly, before he looked at Tater, wide eyed and confused.

“Is good yes?” Tater asked, hope clear in his voice.

“Is good,” Kent mirrored and bumped their shoulders together.

 

Tater resumed his story of how the hell he’d ended up in Vegas while they both watch Miller and Jaydar laughing and joking with a group of women who all seemed rather impressed by the size of Jaydar’s biceps until, Tater suddenly rested his hand on Kent’s arm and pointed towards two girls, stood leaning against a rail at the far side of the dance floor.

Kent would have been lying if he said that he hadn’t suggested this club at this time on a Saturday night because he thought it was his best chance of running into Charlotte again but he was surprised that it was Tater who spotted her first. “Jenny and, erm.” He stopped, clearly trying to pull the other name from his brain and Kent smiled up at him.

“And Charlotte.”

Tater nodded enthusiastically and smiled wider than Kent had ever seen “Yes Jenny and Charlotte”

“You want to?” He gestured towards them and Tater’s smile fell just slightly as he blushed adorably which Kent couldn’t help but think was cute. “We don’t have to; we can stay here if you want?” Tater looked even less comfortable with that suggestion.

“No, no we go.”

As they stood to move Kent recognised a group of three girls heading towards Jenny and Charlotte, drinks in hand, and his head dropped when he saw Marcia passing a bottle to Charlotte, who was looking down at the floor as if she wanted it to swallow her up, while Marcia said something clearly unpleasant from her body language, and pushed the bottle towards her mouth. A hand, strong and warm, fell on his shoulder with a reassuring thud as Tater fixed him with a look he normally saved for the ice and pulled him towards the stairs. 

“Bar first” Kent said equally determined and Tater let himself be diverted.

“Jenny enjoyed the cosmopolitans right?” He looked to Tater for a nod and then placed an order for two cosmopolitans and two soda waters with lime asking, without worry, for straws, umbrellas and slices of lime and getting a reassuring hip check from his teammate.

A drink in each hand, and watching Charlotte, and by now Jenny who must have said something Marcia didn’t like, being growled at and almost forced to drink whatever bottled concoction Marcia had decided to inflict on them, they made their way quickly around the dance floor, splitting up just slightly so that Tater could slip in beside Jenny just as Kent appeared at Charlotte’s arm.

“I brought you a present,” Kent spoke to Charlotte while glaring at Marcia, but he turned just in time to see the warm yet disbelieving smile on Charlotte’s face when she saw the drink and realised it was him.

He passed Charlotte her glass, to free up his hand, and then slipped the bottle from the death grip of her other hand before turning his smile to Marcia and handing the bottle to her. “I think this is yours”

“And this” Tater spoke beside Jenny and filled Marcia’s other hand with Jenny’s bottle, “hope you enjoy rest of night” 

It was the clearest dismissal Kent had heard in a while, made all the more powerful by the six foot seven inch frame of the man delivering it and he had to bite his cheek to stifle a grin long enough to turn away from where she could see him. “Shall we?” He looked from Charlotte to Jenny and then up to Tater as he gestured towards the stairs and let his grin escape when they all nodded enthusiastically.

Turning towards the stairs he let his hand reach just slightly, inviting Charlotte to take it without really asking and she quickly slipped her fingers into his, firm and warm, and the four of them wandered away all actively resisting the urge to look back and see Marcia’s reaction.

-+-

 

I think I’ve made a friend Zimms, a none hockey friend, is it weird to be excited about it? LY xx

That’s brilliant Kenny, what’s she like? I’m so happy you’re settling in :-) xxx

How did you know it was a she? I didn’t say. You made friends over their? Xx

I just assumed, sorry, is it a guy? I’m still happy for you if it’s a guy.

She’s a she, she’s just a friend but she’s good fun, I like having fun away from Hockey, I’ve not had that before. How’s the job, books selling well? ;-) xx

Books are selling quickly and the kids are playing great hockey, I haven’t failed to get on the rink with them once! Honestly Kenny, I don’t have any friends but I am feeling better, happier, so maybe one day :-) I love you, I’m so happy that you’re making friends as well as playing damn good hockey! Xxx

I’m proud of you for moving forward, thank you for being happy for me. Love you K.xx

 

-+-

“I didn’t know if we’d see you but I’m glad we have.” Kent smiled at Charlotte as he let go of her hand and let her slip into the seat next to him on the right hand side of the booth while Jenny and Tater took the left side.

“Marcia invited us out,” Jenny settled against Tater’s side and sipped her drink, “She said she wanted to make friends after last time but when we got here.”

“Don’t Jen,” Charlotte looked pleadingly at Jenny clearly willing her not to continue so Kent reached for her hand, resting on the table, and covered it with his own, squeezing gently.

“What did she do when you got here?”

Jenny looked between Kent and Charlotte and Tater slipped his arm around the back of the bench, resting his fingers gently on her far shoulder, tracing small circles. “Tell? Kent not get mad, he worry if you not tell.” 

Finally Charlotte nodded and Jenny continued, “When we got here she told us that the Aces were at home today and she knew you’d be here but you’d be with pretty girls, forgotten all about us.”

Kent and Tater both laughed taking Jenny by surprise and clearly making her feel uncomfortable, “Why are you laughing at me?”

“We’re not, we’re really not,” Kent wheezed between laughs and Tater placed his hand more deliberately on her shoulder while he caught his breath.

“You know nothing about the Aces? Nothing at all?” Tater grinned, eyes sparkling.

“Nothing,” they answered in unison, both staring intently at their drinks.

“Is good, is very good.” Tater nodded repeatedly still laughing, 

“She’s an idiot!” Kent said with a huff of laughter, “And she won’t be happy now will she?” He glanced around the group, eyes gleaming with mischief and Jenny and Charlotte finally relaxed and were almost smiling again. 

“I suggested this place because I hoped you’d be here,” Kent addressed Charlotte and squeezed her hand again gently, “And Alexei couldn’t have been more eager,” he turned and winked at Tater who blushed, “I didn’t know why then, but it’s clear as day now.” It was Jenny’s turn to blush when Kent looked at her and she turned her head towards Tater, hiding her blush against his chest and whispered something which Kent couldn’t understand and which made Tater’s eyes widen in surprise before he replied with something else that Kent didn’t understand.

After a few moments listening to the back and forth between Jenny and Tater and seeing a look of joy and comfort on Tater’s face that he had never seen before Charlotte leaned into his side, mouth close to his ear and whispered, “Jenny’s mum’s Russian.”

“Really?!” Kent’s eyes widened

“Yeah, really.”

“How did that not come up last time?”

“No idea but the look of surprise on Alexei’s face tells me it somehow didn’t”

Kent laughed and nodded and finished his drink slowly as Charlotte leant warm against his side and Tater chatted rapidly with Jenny, smiling and laughing in a way Kent had never seen him before, clearly enjoying not having to work in his second language.

 

“Well then,” they’d been sat together for a while in comfortable silence while Russian ran backwards and forwards between their friends and all four of them had finished their drinks before Charlotte spoke, “Anyone want another drink?”

“I’ll get them,” Kent and Tater spoke at the same time and then laughed and started a debate as to who’s turn it was.

“You got last one Parse.”

“I invited you, I’ll get them.”

“You rookie, I get them.”

“Come on Tater, you’re not suggesting I can’t afford drinks on a Rookie salary again? My mum raised me to now on less than I get a year, I can afford to buy drinks.”

Before Tater could respond to that the conversation was interrupted by a loud cough and everyone turned to look at Charlotte who was glaring daggers at the pair of them. “Are you two listening to me now or do you want to argue like sad bastard rich guys for a bit longer?”

“I, erm” Kent’s heart pounded and his throat went dry and for reasons he couldn’t place he felt tears welling in his eyes and the overwhelming need to reach for her to stop her leaving. Tater just stared open mouthed and waited for whatever else Charlotte was going to say.

“I asked if anyone wanted a drink because I was going to buy some, if you won’t let me then I’m leaving.”

Kent took a pained breath “Don’t leave.”

Charlotte reached out and touched his cheek gently and when he looked up at her she caught his eye and looked sternly at him, “I’m only going to the bar, do you want a drink?”

“I’d love one,” he almost whispered. “Thank you.” 

Charlotte looked at Tater, raising her eyebrow in question and he nodded without saying anything before Jenny did the same and then she walked away to the bar, placing her order and returning with the tray of drinks before Kent had recovered his composure and he was more relieved than he thought he should be when she slid into the seat next to him and slipped her hand on to his knee under the table giving it a gentle squeeze as she asked him about where he grew up.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent has some awful teammates, he also has some lovely friends :-D
> 
> be aware there's homophobia in here but there's also some kick ass Kent dealing with it!

“You want Charlie to come for Thanksgiving and Jack for Christmas?” 

“If that’s ok?”

“Your mom’s already got the spare room, how’s it going to work? Hotels?”

“Charlie’ll just go home like normal and Jack could share with me?” Kent asked quietly, “I’d rather he didn’t stay in a hotel if possible.” Kent looked away from Swoops as he said it, missing the ‘I’m a fucking idiot’ look that crossed his face, “he’ll probably say no, texting and talking to me are different than actually visiting, I just wondered if it’d be ok to ask?”

Swoops bumped their shoulders together, clearly taking Kent by surprise because he clattered straight into the locker room door and nearly caused a pile up as the rest of the team, following them off the ice, stumbled into him.

“Sorry Parse,” Swoops grinned and laughed and pulled him back to his feet, “you know Charlie’s welcome any time and if your boys free he’s more than welcome for Christmas, it’d be good to meet him.”

“Thanks” 

The conversation ended as they made their way to their stalls to change and, in Kent’s case, to be interviewed about the game that evening which he was more than happy to talk about given they were 19 games in, sitting top of their division and he was on an eleven game scoring run.

 

-+-

_I see your kids won last night, you looked happy in the pictures; I hope you really are :-) I know its a few weeks off yet but do you know what you’re doing for Christmas? LY K xx_

_From Zimms: You found pictures! The boys’ve won a few recently, they’re getting better and better and they’re having so much fun it’s hard not to smile :-D I saw you’re on a good run of points scoring, I never told you enough how good you are! Sorry for that, please know I always thought it and still do. Mama and Papa want me home for Christmas; probably want to talk some sense into me!! You got anything nice planned? How’s your non-hockey friendship going? Good luck tonight (not that you need it) love you. Xx_

_Charlie’s great, she still knows nothing about hockey but she has met Swoops, we laugh and dance, we watch silly programmes and cowboy movies and we argue about all sorts of things. I think it’s going well! Can I offer another idea for Christmas? No pressure. Xx_

_From Zimms: I’ve, possibly, maybe, made a friend; he is hockey so might not count but he’s not like any hockey guy I’ve met before! I think you’d like him. What’s your idea? Xxxx_

_Try and remember that me liking him is not a consideration in him being your friend Zimms, I’m glad you’re making (possible) friends, hockey related or not :-). As for Christmas, I asked Swoops if you could come here, mom’s coming too. No pressure at all, totally do what you want to do :-D xx_

_From Zimms: I’d like you to like him enough that it feels ok talking about him like you do Charlie, I’m not after your approval just your support I guess, I hope that’s ok? Can I think about Christmas? How many days do you have? Where would I stay? I’m not sure my parents would like it; they really want me to go home._

_You have my support always and in everything Zimms, try not to forget that. We both know that the mess in juniors wasn’t good for either of us but I’ll always love you and always want you to be happy, safe and loved wherever you are and whoever you’re with. We have three days off twenty fourth to twenty sixth, Swoops says you can bunk in with me or we could book you a hotel if you wanted. Totally up to you :-)_

_From Zimms: Thank you, same applies you know xxxx. I’ll think on Christmas and get back to you if that’s ok? Good luck tonight (I hope me wishing you look isn’t bad luck now we’re out of the habit!) LY xx_

_Fuck superstitions, I’ve imagined you saying it before every match since I got here, it’s nice to hear it for real! LY xx_

_From Zimms: You weren’t imagining it, just too far away to hear. Good luck Kenny. Xxx_

-+-

“A Hatty gets you laid right Parse?” Jaric, Miller and Cap were bouncing around the locker room while Kent tried to get himself in order ready to face the press and they really weren’t helping, “you’ve gotta celebrate somehow and not with that straight laced lass you always end up babysitting while Tater gets his hands on that twiggy thing,”

Kent tried to stand up, so he could turn away from Jaric and avoid looking at, or punching, his face, but as he stood up Miller wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him in to the group bounce, “Tater might share, you never know, you’ve cleared the way for him a few times must be your turn now.” Kent’s stomach flipped, both at the words and at the leering look on Miller’s face, which was almost mirrored by Jaric and, most sickening of all, by Cap.

“Fuck off you twats,” Kent ducked under Miller’s arm and twisted free of the group just as Tater came through the door and collided with him, armoured chest to unprotected face, and as Kent stumbled, Tater caught him around the back and held him tight until he had his feet back under him.

“Wooohoooo” Jaric and Miller whooped at the same time and then bounded over pushing Kent further into Tater’s chest, “or maybe you could just share hey boys, just be careful you hit the right hole yeah, you don’t want any more rumours do you Parse, not now you’re playing with the real men.”

For a big guy Tater was one of the gentlest people Kent had met at the Aces, he saved his anger for the ice and even then only when he really had to, but at that moment, pushed close against his chest, Kent could feel the anger bubbling inside him, his heart speeding up and the tension of his body increasing and for the first time since he’d met him Kent was slightly scared of what he might do. 

“Alexei.” instead of fighting to get away from Miller as he continued to push him into Tater’s chest, Kent relaxed into him, slipping his arm around his back resting his hand over his lower spine, “It’s ok, they’re just being twats. Don’t waste your energy on them.” 

“Whispering sweet nothings Parse, fuck maybe the rumours are right” Miller stepped away laughing loudly, like he’d just made the best joke ever and a number of the other guys joined him. 

Kent flinched away from Tater as the room roared in laughter but because Tater cared about Kent more than he cared about anything his teammates might say he pulled him back against his side and didn’t remove his arm from around his shoulder until he was settled safely into his stall. 

Tater released his hold on Kent and stepped away just as the door flew open and the press hurried in, wanting to ask a million questions of the hero of the hour who was, once again, glad of his many years of press training as he pulled on his best fake smile and pretended that he was the happiest man in the room.

 

-+-

 

_I didn’t score them for you (I promise) but thank you for wishing me luck! LY K. xx_

“Who you texting with that smile on your face?” Swoops had been absent from the locker room during Kent’s run-in with Miller so the sudden look of anger that flashed onto his face took him by surprise and he physically took a step away and held up his hands, “What did I miss?”

The locker room was empty, but for Kent, Tater and Swoops which Kent considered to be a good thing when he shouted “I’ll text Jack if want to, I’m sorry if my face is wrong while I do but it’s the first time he’s wished me luck and it felt nice and I played well and I just wanted to tell him” and then collapsed down into his stall, head in his hands, trying desperately not to cry.

He heard Swoops take a step closer and felt a shadow drop over him as Tater stepped between him and Swoops and blocked some of the light.

“I’m not going to do anything to him Alexei,” Swoops tone was soft “I just need to check he’s ok.”

“Kent fine, I take care.”

“Okay,” Swoops took a couple of steps back and lent against the wall opposite, “What the hell did I miss.”

“I’m okay,” Kent spoke quietly, and gestured for his friends to sit down, which they did one either side of him, Tater sitting closer than Swoops dared. “The boys think I need to get laid, that’s what happens when you score a hat trick apparently, they insulted Charlotte.” Tater growled at that having been unaware of it until now and Kent reached for his arm, laying his hand on it in an attempt to keep him calm for the rest. “They suggested that Alexei might lend me Jenny and then that we could share her but that I better be careful I fucked the right person because rumours you know?”

“You’re kidding?”

Kent shook his head slowly from side to side, “I’m not!”

“What did Cap have to say about it? Was he here?”

“Right in the middle of the suggestion about Jenny although he went rather quiet at the homophobic shit not that he told them to shut up or anything.”

“You’re kidding,” Kent could see the anger simmering behind Swoops eyes, “He just let that happen.”

“It’s just locker room shit isn’t it, I need to get a grip and not let it bother me. Insulting Charlotte though, and suggesting Jenny was some toy to be passed around, it’s just not on.”

“Too right it’s not on,” Swoops got to his feet and walked a few steps away before turning and walking back, clearly trying to calm himself down. He repeated the process three times before he sat back down right next to Kent, no longer feeling the need to leave a protective gap. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” He slipped his arm around Kent’s shoulder and Kent needed no persuasion to relax into his side. 

They sat together for a few minutes, allowing them all to calm down a little, until Kent suddenly dropped his head off Swoops shoulder and into his own hands. “Shit!”

“What?” Swoops asked with panic in his voice.

“We’re supposed to be meeting Charlotte and Jenny at the club in an hour and I can’t not go and risk the guys saying something to them but I can’t go and deal with that lot either! Highest high to lowest low in minutes hey! Fuck!”

“Text them,” Swoops said with a grin, “Text Charlotte and Jenny and tell them we’ll pick them up and we’ll have our own party at home. Jen won’t mind and no one else is invited so no shit will happen. We’ve a guest room if you want it,” he nodded at Tater, “and a taxi account for anyone who wants to go home.”

“You serious?” Tater asked a little confused by the invite. He’d never been to Swoops’ house before; he’d always headed straight back to his hotel after games, practice or nights out with Kent.

“Yep, if you want to?”

Tater looked at Kent who had physically relaxed at the idea of going home rather than going out and he knew what the answer was, “I ring Jenny now.”

 

-+-

_“Hi Jenny,”_ Tater switched to Russian the second she picked up, _“How are you? Can I just witter for a minute and try and work out how much Russian the people I’m in a room with understand?”_

_“Alexei? Are you ok?”_

_“Thank you for doing this in Russian, it’ll make things easier for me, are you with people who understand? Looking at the people here I don’t think they do or someone would be looking at me in confusion right now.”_

_“I’m with Charlie, we’re getting ready to come and meet you and Kent but now I’m worrying that something’s wrong because you’re being weird.”_

Tater laughed, and then continued in Russian, sure that neither Kent nor Swoops had any clue what he was saying. _“Sorry to worry you, I wanted to be sure who knew what I was saying before I decided what to say. Any less worried yet?”_ He laughed and was relieved when Jenny did too.

_“Less worried and more curious. So go on, what you calling for, we’re nowhere near ready to go out yet, lots of girly things still to do.”_

_“K”_ Tater was careful not to say names; it would attract too much attention in the middle of the Russian, _“scored a hat-trick tonight,”_

_“That’s three goals right? That’s brilliant, did you get any points?”_

_“One goal and an assist on his second,”_

_“Lots to celebrate then!”_

_“Yeah but there’s been a problem, some of our teammates are dicks and worse today is the guy who should look out for him joined in with the nasty towards K. He’s not good and he’s scared for you two if you go out, with or without us.”_

_“Without you? I can’t see me or Charlie bothering if you two aren’t coming.”_

Jenny sounded beyond disappointed and Tater was shocked by how much that hurt, _“The guy K lives with, I think you know him, starts with S but if I say it he’ll know I’m talking about him and want to know what I’m saying,”_

_“Swoops? The one Charlie and Kent babysat for last week?”_

_“Yeah him, he says we can all go there and celebrate rather than go out and risk running into the twats on our team, what do you think? Do you want to come?”_

_“One second,”_ Jenny moved the phone from near her mouth and spoke in English, presumably to Charlotte. “Alexei and Kent want to know if we want to go to Swoops’ house tonight rather than going to the club, some problem with teammates being a dick to Kent, what do you think?” There was mumbling for a couple of moments, Jenny obviously getting an answer and then she slipped back into Russian again _“Charlie says if she can wear her jeans and trainers instead of getting dressed up she’s up for that so we’ll meet you at Swoops’ house, what time?”_

_“We’ll pick you up on the way, send the address, we have the car.”_

_“I don’t think Charlie will like that, she’s funny about people knowing where she lives.”_

_“Tell her K won’t judge but he will panic if she’s out making her way across town on her own tonight, if she won’t agree to a pick up then let me send a taxi. Please.”_

_“You know I’m still worried right?”_

_“Yeah, sorry.”_

_“It’s ok, you can explain when we meet up, give me a second.”_

The phone went quiet again, this time probably with a hand over the mouth piece it was so quiet that he couldn’t hear anything and then Jenny’s voice returned, _“I’ll text the address, Charlie says it’s ok to come pick us up. You sure as hell better explain things when we get there.”_

_“I will, promise. See you soon.”_

_“See you in a few minutes.”_

Tater hung up the phone and smiled at Kent who was still looking like the world had ended on him rather than that he’d just had the best game of his life. “They’re in, texting address now.”

“Good” Kent was up on his feet, grabbing his bag and heading for the door before Swoops really registered what was happening but he took a second to text Jen about the change of plan before he ran after him.

 

-+-

“You sure this is the place? Do they live with their parents?” Swoops looked up at the apartment block Google Maps had directed him to in awe.

“They flat share maybe? I don’t know, I’ve always met Charlie in town or she’s come to ours.” Kent was equally surprised at the glamour of the building

“Jenny give this address,” Tater checked the message on his phone and text to say they were here, “Must be correct,” 

A few moments later Jenny and Charlotte appeared through the large doorway of the building, the doorman holding it open for them, and glanced around the parking lot looking for Swoops’ car so he flashed the lights to attract their attention and Tater climbed out of the front seat and walked over to meet them, kissing Jenny quickly and then walking back towards the car with them.

Swoops looked round at Kent in the back seat, raising his eyebrow as if he expected him to do something so he grabbed the door handle, swung the door open and sauntered over to the group, saying hello and moving close enough to Charlotte that she could reach for his hand if she wanted to but she didn’t so they walked back to the car, side by side, already chatting away before they made it back into the car.

For reasons of space Tater sat in the front of the car and Kent sat in the back with Jenny and Charlotte as they drove the ten minutes to Swoops’ house in a weird silence made all the weirder for the fact that Kent could feel Charlotte side eyeing him the whole way.

 

Jen was sat on the sofa when they arrived, glass of wine in hand, and Swoops set his bag down in the hall and then walked up behind the sofa and leant over the back to kiss her, “Thanks for this”

“You’re thanking me for sitting here drinking wine?” she flashed a wicked grin at him and passed her almost empty glass in his direction, “Fill it up for me while you grab a beer for the hat-trick hero.”

The smile Jen shot in Kent’s direction was so friendly, happy and full of love that Kent just couldn’t cope “I’ll just, Erm, I’ll” and without finishing his sentence he almost ran from the room, up the stairs and into his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him so as not to wake the girls.

-+-

“You are so amazing!” Jack had his arms around him, bouncing up and down in the middle of a whole group of boys who were whooping and cheering, slapping his back and ruffling at his hair. “A bloody hat-trick Kenny.”

“Your pass Zimms,” He grinned up into the excited face looking back at him and almost made a terrible mistake, “You’d have had the three if you hadn’t passed.”

“No clear shot, the play was yours,” Jack grinned at him again and then bent his knees just slightly to bring his head down to Kent’s level, right by his ear and whispered “I am so going to take care of you later.”

“Fuck!” 

“Yep.” Jack laughed wickedly and then released his hold on his waist and Kent fought his way through the rabble still celebrating to find his stall and strip off his gear.

 

“You weren’t serious right?” The bus back to the hotel was loud but Jack and Kent had set themselves up near the front, away from the real celebrating which was going on in the back seats,

“About what?” Jack breathed against his ear, voice low and just the right side of dangerous.

“You know about what.” 

“About?”

“Fuck!” Jack slipped his hand, warm over Kent’s thigh and down over his crotch.

“About that? Yep totally serious, want to tell me how you’d like me to go about it?” Jack hadn’t moved his hand and the warmth of the touch and the sound of Jack’s voice were having effects on Kent that were way beyond allowable on a team bus.

“I, I can’t, not here”

Jack stroked his thumb over Kent’s trousers, along the length of his cock and Kent’s eyes widened, cheeks flushing and heart racing. “Of course you can, no one’s looking and they’re making way too much noise celebrating your amazing trick to hear you.”

“I still say the,” he stopped to take a breath as Jack continued to trace his cock with his thumb, now with the added torture of his fingers drawing small circles against his balls “The trick should have been yours … you didn’t need to …. Pass.”

“My shot wasn’t clear, the pass was the right play,” he breathed soft and low against Kent’s ear, “Now quit staling and tell me what you want me to do to you when we get back to our room.”

Kent gasped a breath; cock hard in his pant at the touch of Jack’s hand and the sound of his voice.

“Be specific,” Jack leant even closer, nipping his teeth at Kent’s earlobe “Very specific.”

“Fuck,” Kent whispered as he brought his hand up to his face to shadow his mouth and scrub at his forehead, “I want your lips on me – on my neck – on my chest – on my stomach. I want your teeth on my ears – on my nipples and – and – on my thighs.”

Jack’s hand never stilled as Kent talked but neither did the touch increase, just a steady tease that had Kent hard, hot and talking.

“I want your tongue in me and your hand around my cock while you,” he took a shuddering breath, keen to calm himself but also desperate to do as Jack asked and tell him exactly what he wanted. “While you finger yourself thoroughly before you ride me hard”

“Fuck.” Jack pulled his hand away from Kent cock and reached for his bag on the floor, pulling it quickly into his lap, covering his own crotch. “You better strip the second we hit our room, you hear me?”

“Yes,” Kent breathed, looking out of the window and seeing the hotel lights appear by their side, “whatever you say Zimms, whatever you say.”

Jack winked at him; eyes dropping to his crotch in a clear suggestion that he do something to hide his predicament and Kent blushed to the tip of his ears.

 

Jack’s phone rang as he was walking down the steps of the bus and from the volume it could only be one person calling 

“Why did you pass? Are you an idiot, that hat-trick was yours, friends aren’t worth giving things away for, this is Hockey Jack not the school yard, pretending you’re shit won’t make your friends like you more.”

Kent stepped away, unable to watch Jack’s face break at the words of someone he was still desperately trying to please, and he made his way to their room. 

Dropping his rucksack by his bed he dug the necessary things out of his wash bag, hiding them under his pillow, and then changed into his pyjamas before sitting himself on the chair by the door, waiting to pull Jack into his arms when he walked through the door. 

Whatever they might have had planned, while sitting happy and content on the bus, Kent knew what was needed now, what he had to do, how he needed to say thank you to Jack for the pass and one things Kent was very good at, best in the world at, was taking Jack apart until he could think of nothing but the moment and then holding him tight as he tried, with less and less success, to put himself back together again.

-+-

Kent heard a soft knock on the door and then an almost whispered “Can I come in” but he didn’t have the ability to answer or to move so he just stayed where he was, staring blankly out of the window.

A second knock, followed by the door sliding open just a little still didn’t give him the ability to move or speak so Charlotte pushed the door closed again behind her and crossed the room quickly, coming up next to him by the window, passing a mug in his direction. “I brought you a present”

Kent startled at the voice and turned his teary eyes to meet hers, totally ignoring the cup in her hand so she set the mug down on the windowsill, freeing her hands, and reached out with one hand to wipe a tear from his cheek while the other hand slid round his back, hand resting between his shoulder blades. “You ok?”

He shook his head sadly and stepped closer, resting his head against her shoulder, hoping she’d take the hint and he wasn’t surprised when she did and he felt her arms close across his back and hold him tight as she whispered in his ear “It’s ok not to be alright, it will get better and I’ll stay here until it does, trust me.” He did trust her and he had since the first time she’d said those seemingly simple and yet totally alien words to him.

The first time he’d heard them was on only their third meeting when , entirely unexpectedly, a guy had approached him in the club and told him that he wished it’d been him not Zimmermann who’d overdosed and missed the draft because he didn’t want second rate players at the Aces. Kent had stood staring blankly at the guy until he stopped speaking, clearly feeling very pleased with himself for what he’d said, but as soon as he’d moved away Kent had run from the club, Charlotte following, surprisingly easily, until he collapsed against a wall in a dark alley and allowed himself to cry for the first time since the day in the hotel. 

They were simple words but they were powerful because almost everyone else in his life seemed to prefer it when he pretended that he was alright even if it was clear as day that he wasn’t.

 

They stood for a minute, Charlotte cradling the back of his neck with one hand and holding him tight around the waist with the other and Kent just letting himself relax into it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against her shoulder and she shushed him gently,

“No need to be sorry, you haven’t done anything wrong. As I hear it you did something rather impressive today and then people who should have known better said things they shouldn’t have.”

“How do you know that?” he lifted his head from her shoulder and looked quizzically at Charlotte who grinned and winked,

“You better start working on your Russian.”

He shook his head, “Tater?!”

“Yup, he told Jenny why the celebration of your hat-trick was going to be an exclusive party, just those people who love you and want you to know how special you are, when they were speaking their own language on the phone. We got the rest from Swoops when Jen asked what had happened.”

“So they’re all talking about me.” He whispered in to her shoulder hoping he didn’t sound as fragile as he felt.

“Swoops and Alexei are angry, Jen’s concerned by the sudden change of plans, Jenny’s confused and I’m worried about you. Yes we talked about you but not because we’re gossiping, they’re trying to stop you having to go over it all again because it’s shit and you shouldn’t have to do that.”

“Okay.” He tried to sound ok but Charlie knew him better than that.

“Look mister,” Charlie leaned back, using her hand to tilt his chin until he was looking at her. “Every person in this house thinks you’re awesome, they’re here to celebrate with you. We won’t apologise for worrying about you but we would like you to come and join us so, how about, you come back to the living room and let us toast your awesomeness?”

Kent looked at her for a few seconds, not really sure what to do with everything she’d just said but then he smiled, “I think that’s a great plan,” and picked his mug up from the windowsill before they made their way quietly back downstairs where they found Tater sat in the arm chair, with Jenny curled up on his knee and Swoops and Jen curled up either end of the big sofa all laughing and happily drinking their way through their second round of drinks, the first line of beer bottles sitting on the coffee table.

“Can I get you a drink,” Swoops made to stand up as Kent appeared in the living room but Kent tipped his mug at him,

“I’m fine thanks, Charlie made me my favourite.” He couldn’t help the tension in his voice; he knew that Swoops had meant beer or wine not hot chocolate, even though Charlotte must have asked about making it in for him.

Charlotte made her way across the room to the small sofa, picking up her glass of water from the table, holding it in her left hand resting it on the chair arm, and tapped the seat next to her with her right. “Come on hat-trick boy, I want to hear all about it.”

Tater and Swoops faces lit up and they whooped in encouragement but Kent just looked quizzically at Charlotte and made his way to sit next to her, “You don’t do hockey?”

“And you don’t do cowboy movies but you watched one with me when we were babysitting for the girls”

“Well yeah, you like them and that makes them fun to watch with you, I wouldn’t watch them instead of watching tape or on my own but it was fun with you.”

“Exactly.” She said it as if it explained everything and from the looks on the faces around the room when he glanced around it clearly did, or it did if you were anyone but Kent who just felt confusion and discomfort.

“I don’t get it.”

Charlotte reached for his arm, pulling him closer until he was leant against her side and she could run her fingers up and down his arm in the way that she knew he found comforting when confused. “I want to hear about your hat-trick game because you love hockey, you’re amazing at it and I think, although I can’t be sure because you never ever talk about hockey with me, but I suspect that you’ll smile a lot while you talk, probably become more animated than I normally see you and that you’ll enjoy talking about it which, let’s be honest, is what you should be doing tonight. You won the bloody game!”

There was silence for a beat as Kent’s brain processed the words and then he sat up and turned around in his seat, crossing his legs in front of him and leaning back against the arm grinning, bright eyed and eager “Swoops got an assist on the first, he picked it up on the red line” and he talked, smiled and laughed for nearly an hour, pulling Tater and Swoops into the story and getting out of his seat to demonstrate positions and touches and passes as he laughed and watched Charlotte grin as she asked questions and pushed him to continue until the story was told, the puck buried in the net for the third time and he collapsed dramatically on the sofa, sprawled along it with his head on Charlotte’s lap and a grin on his face as he looked up at her. “So do you regret asking now?”

She ran her fingers over his forehead, clearing the stray hairs from his eyes, and then down the side of his face and over his shoulder before it came to rest on his upper arm and she looked at him with such warmth that he almost had to look away from it. “Not one bit.”

-+-

“So” Kent took a breath as he stood up in his stall, stepped up on the bench and turned to face the room full of his teammates lacing up for practice “I have something to say.”

“Shut up you idiot, rookies listen they don’t fucking speak.” Davids, the goalie, shouted with a laugh and half the room joined him.

“And isn’t that the entire fucking point Dav?” he shouted loud enough to cut through the laughter and suddenly every eye was on him and a weird silence fell. “Rookies aren’t supposed to make a noise, we’re supposed to listen and learn from the rest of you and rely on the vets to protect us when necessary on and off the ice yeah?” 

No one replied but a few people nodded while still looking confused.

“So tell me, what the fuck are Rookies supposed to do when no one does protect them? Do we just sit here and take it?” Accusing eyes from all over the room drifted to Swoops who, with no little amount of effort, didn’t react and kept his eyes on Kent instead. “I came off the ice on Saturday having scored my first NHL hat-trick, high as a kite and feeling like I’d found somewhere to call home, a place I loved, a place I could enjoy playing good Hockey, but ten minutes in this room, my fucking locker room, and I was ready to never see a rink again in my life. That is not how this room is supposed to work!”

Everyone was listening now, keen eyes watching Kent closely as he continued. “No one here would think it funny to suggest Cap offer his wife to me as a reward for a hat-trick would they?” There was an audible noise of disgust around the room, “or to tell Swoops that Jen was ugly and he deserved better or suggest that Dav and Johnson might share Dav’s girlfriend as if she was some sort of toy.” Heads were shaking now. “So why the hell is it ok to say those things about a Rookie’s friend or one of the newer lad’s girlfriends? Why is it not only ok to do it but also fucking funny to the vets who are present when it happens?”

Eyes flashed around the room, Miller and Jaric looking at each other and then to Cap who was sat low in his seat looking smaller than a man of his size had any right to do. Swoops and Tater kept their eyes focused on Kent, hoping to communicate their support of this unexpected event, while those that weren’t present during the incident looked around trying to identify who the hell Kent was talking about.

“So, from now on, I’ll have a voice in this locker room and you can all like it or fuck off. If you bad mouth anyone’s wife, sister, friends, girlfriend, partner, boyfriend, mother or any other family member you’re a twat and I will pull you up on it even if no one else does. I will not be crushed in my own locker room the way I was on Saturday and I won’t watch it happen to someone else.”

He looked around the eyes looking at him, glad to receive a wink of approval from Swoops and a smile from Tater and then jumped down from the bench, catching sight of the coach just inside the locker room door and feeling his stomach drop into his skates, “Anyway boys,” he tried his best to maintain the stability of his voice despite now looking coach in the face and having his back to the team, “time to hit the ice.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack comes to Vegas for Christmas and the boys are back together for the first time since the hospital :-D

_There’s a problem with picking you up tomorrow, I’ve been called to an early meeting with the coach and Cap, Swoops is coming with me in case. Tater says he’ll pick you up if that’s ok with you? Sorry K xx_

_From Zimms: Are you worried Kenny? I could get a taxi if that’s easier? I’ve no idea who Tater is or how I’d know who to look for. We can cancel me coming if you want, I won’t hold it against you :-) LY Z xx_

_“Slightly! Can’t help thinking I’m finally going to be in trouble for my outburst a few weeks ago, maybe they’ve been making plans to get rid of me since then? It’s a sanctioned day off so it can’t be good can it? I don’t know but what I do know is that whatever happens I want you here for Christmas (if you want to be here) Maisie and Sarah have helped me make a sign! You won’t be able to miss it :-D xx_

_From Zimms: I’m sure you’ll be fine but I’ll be there as soon as I can be :-) Should I be worried about the sign? What should I bring for Jeff and his wife?_

_You’ll know when you see it, the kids had fun making it, they’re very excited to meet you :-D don’t bring anything for the adults you’ll win their hearts if you make the girls smile though. Books or plushies always go down well. Can’t wait to see you you know. Love you xxx_

_From Zimms: Can’t wait to see you either :-) good luck with your meeting Love you xxx_

 

-+-

Swoops drove while Kent sat in the passenger seat, chewing on his lip and turning his phone over and over on his hand. It was odd to be called to a meeting, with the coach and the captain, on a sanctioned off day and Kent had been worried since he’d received the call the night before and as the meeting drew closer, mile by mile, he was beginning to twitch and tremble.

“I’ll drop you and wait outside ok? Then I can get you back after for Jack coming.” Swoops smiled and winked and Kent did his best to relax.

“What do you think they want with me? Have I fucked up and not noticed? They’re not going to trade me on Christmas Eve are they?”

Swoops pulled the car to a stop in the parking lot, not quite in a bay but then there were only three cars in a lot made for fifty so it didn’t really matter. “You’re scoring points, running your line, encouraging the team and getting on with everyone, try not to panic.”

“I did have a strop a few weeks ago though, basically telling Cap off in front of the whole team, and the coach, I’m amazed I’ve not felt the heat for that before now, maybe this is it?”

“Maybe, possibly, could be, might be, who the fuck knows but, whatever happens in there, Jack will be at home when we get back, your mom will be in tonight and tomorrow we’re having a houseful so it’s going to be a good break ok?”

Kent nodded and smiled at the thought of seeing Jack, they text and emailed most days and spoke on the phone now and then but Kent hadn’t actually laid eyes, or hands, on him since the day in the hospital “It’ll be good to have Jack around for when my life goes to shit, it’ll reassure him that he’s not the only one who screws things up.” He was trying to joke but it came out flat.

“He’d hate to see that.”

“How do you know?!” He snapped and pushed the car door open with more force than necessary, jumping out and slamming it behind him walking quickly towards the building feeling more and more stupid with every step. 

Five steps away from the car he was hit with the familiar feeling of guilt at having lashed out at someone who cared for him and his pace slowed, his shoulders dropped and his head ducked into them, heart hurting and stomach falling but then a warm, strong arm wrapped around his shoulder and held him tight and Kent looked up, apology clear in his expression and Swoops winked at him

“I’ll wait outside the room ok? Then take you home to Jack.”

 

“Coach, Cap.” Kent addressed his coach and Captain as they opened the office door, “If you’re trading me make it somewhere with snow will you?”

Coach smiled and Cap laughed as he slapped him on the back. “You’re not seeing snow for Christmas for a good few years yet Parse.”

“Oh well,” Kent smiled his ‘everything’s ok’ smile at Cap, “what’s this about then?”

Coach gestured to a seat at the table, suggesting he sat and he did as he was told, watching as Coach and Cap sat down on the other side of the table. “We’ve been keeping an eye on things since what happened a few weeks ago,” Coach began and Kent sank lower in his seat. “I didn’t want to say anything but then Cap came to me last week and I think he’s right, we need to talk.”

“Look,” Kent started, he didn’t regret standing up for himself and he wasn’t going to apologise for it now, “What I said was justified after what had happened that weekend, I didn’t name names,” his eyes flashed to Cap who looked rather uncomfortable, “and I didn’t threaten anyone I just said I wasn’t putting up with it anymore. I did nothing wrong.”

“You didn’t, you’re right.” Cap stood up and walked a few steps away before he turned to look back, folding his arms across his chest. “I did wrong, I lost sight of my job, and you gave me the kick I needed.”

Kent felt his jaw drop and had to quickly recover himself.

“I’ve been watching the locker room since you said what you said and it’s been weird to see the effect you had on the team,”

“I haven’t said anything to anyone since then, I’ve kept my head down even though I said I wouldn’t”

“Do you remember what you said originally?” Cap sat down in the seat right next to Kent and leaned back, looking at Kent with interest.

“Which part?”

“The part where you made jokes about wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, mothers and any other family members against the rules?”

“Yeah, well they should be, the people we love aren’t a thing to be joked about, not by teammates. We’re supposed to have each other’s backs not be kicking each other in our own locker room.”

“You’re right.” Cap leant forward on the table, smiling at Kent, “have you heard anything like that in the room since?”

“No,” he could feel his face crumpling in confusion, “I’d have said something if I’d heard anything, I’m really not going to sit back and have any of my team feeling like I did that night.”

“I heard something last week,” Cap leant closer, as if it was a secret, “one of the lads we’ve called up recently was saying his friend was coming for Christmas. Miller made a remark about the fact the lad only had one bedroom and were they sharing.”

Kent felt a spike of anger in his chest, “How did I?” but Cap raised his hand to stop him speaking,

“Jaydar was sat next to Miller when he said it and he jabbed his elbow in his side and nodded in your direction.”

Kent’s eyes widened and he had to physically bite his lip to stop himself speaking.

“You were too far away to have heard anything and you were busy getting changed, not even looking in their direction, but when Miller saw you he stopped talking. I was watching from the corner and was about to step in but then Miller turned back to the lad and apologised. He said he shouldn’t have said it because girlfriends, boyfriends, mates and family are not for joking over in our locker room.”

“Really?” Kent was surprised but also a little confused.

“It looks like you got Miller to think without even needing to speak, that’s damned impressive.”

“As is,” Coach interrupted, “the fact that you can drop boyfriend into that sentence with no edge, no load and no question and it’s just accepted.”

Kent felt the blood drain from his face and he suddenly felt sick, his skin became clammy and he felt himself falling forward,

“You ok Parson?” Cap grabbed his shoulder holding him up in his seat and looking at him with concern as coach passed over a bottle of water that was sat on the table. “Take a drink and a breath Parse.”

He took a couple of breaths, as deeply as he could and rested his head back against the top of the chair.

“What the hell is wrong Parson, you ill?”

“I’m fine coach, I’ll be fine, give me a second, I’ll be fine.” He sat for a minute slowing his breathing and drinking the water while Coach and Cap exchanged looks of confusion and concern until eventually he had recovered enough to slap on a smile. “Sorry about that, maybe I’m coming down with something?”

Coach gave him a look that said he didn’t believe that for a second but Kent kept talking “I’m guessing you didn’t invite me here today just to tell me you like how I use the word boyfriend in the locker room? What do you want? Is this some sort of question or test I need to pass?”

“Honestly,” Coach shook his head and crumpled his brow in confusion, “I have no clue what just happened. Are you ok? Is there something I’m missing?”

“I’m fine, honestly, just eager to get home,” he took a breath, not a deep one or a settling one or anything that sounded like more than a natural breath in the course of a sentence “My boy is coming for Christmas and I haven’t seen him in ages.”

Kent saw the concern in Cap’s face ease just slightly but to his credit Coach didn’t seem to notice anything at all. “I’m impressed by you Kent, on the rink and in the locker room, your open mind and sure voice are an asset to the Aces in a way we didn’t know we were getting when we picked you. You’re scoring points and earning wins on the ice but you’re also playing with and coaching the kids, encouraging the rest of the team and ensuring that everyone feels welcome here which is something that doesn’t happen easily.”

Kent could feel himself gaping like a fish, totally confused by the way the conversation was going giving what he’d been expecting when he arrived but Coach just kept going, clearly wanting to get everything said before Kent interrupted him.

“I called you here because, having discussed it with Cap, we wanted to ask you to mind the A for Jones while he’s out on IR.”

There was silence for a second as he just stared at them, processing and reprocessing the words before he finally spoke. “You what? Are you serious?” Kent could feel his eyes widening and a grin pulling at his face as he looked between Cap and coach. “I came in here thinking you were trading me for daring to break the rookie silence rules and now you’re telling me you want to give me an A? Is this a Christmas joke?”

“No joke,” Cap was smiling fondly at him, “You spoke up when I should have even though you knew you shouldn’t. Now you have permission to do it any time you want.”

“Well how the hell can I say no to that?”

“You can’t,” Coach laughed and Cap tugged him up out of his seat, pulling him close and slapping his back, “You’re supposed to say yes Cap, I’d love to do that,”

“Well then,” Kent winked, “Yes Cap, I’d love to do that.”

“Brilliant,” Cap slapped his back again and then let him go, “now scram before someone notices we’re here when we’re all supposed to be off.” Cap winked “go find your boy and enjoy your Christmas.”

“Thanks Cap,” he shook Cap’s hand and then Coach’s “enjoy yours too, thanks so much for this.” 

Coach opened the office door and slapped Kent on the back as he walked through, “You’ve earned it Kent.”

Swoops, who was leaning against a wall just outside the office, stood up as he heard the door open and the worried look on his face melted away as Kent almost ran to his side and then hip checked him back into the wall with a grin. “Guess what?”

-+-

 

Jack was sat at the right hand end of the large sofa in Swoops living room, chatting away to Tater who was curled up, as usual, in the oversized armchair, when Kent walked in and without a second’s pause he dropped down on the sofa next to Jack and laid himself out along its length with his head cushioned on Jack’s thigh.

Without looking away from Tater, who was finishing a story about his winning goal last night, Jack weaved the fingers of his right hand into Kent’s hair and pushed a few stray hairs from his brow with his left hand before it made its way slowly down over his cheek, neck and shoulder, and came to rest warm and solid against his upper arm just as Tater finished talking and Jack looked away from him to meet Kent’s eyes.

Kent heard movement and caught sight of Swoops and Tater leaving the room in his peripheral vision but he didn’t look away from Jack and he lifted his hand to cover Jack’s on his arm. 

“It’s good to see you Zimms,” he smiled warmly, “so very good to see you.”

“You too Kenny,” Jack tightened his fingers around his arm just slightly and Kent snuggled in closer to him. “I’ve missed you.”

They stayed there looking at each other, Jack holding him close with one hand while running the fingers of the other gently through his hair, until Swoops reappeared having seen Tater to his car. “Can I get you a brew Jack? I’m fairly sure I’m doing hot chocolate for this one if you want some?” Swoops lifted Kent’s right foot from where it was hanging over the end of the sofa and set about unfastening the lace of his trainer, pulling it off and tossing it into the hall before he did the same with the left.

“If you don’t mind that would be lovely.”

“I don’t mind at all, I’ve got to keep in Parse’s good books now.” Kent laughed when Swoops winked at him. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” 

“Did he just take your shoes off?” Jack whispered,

“Yeah, he’s trying to make a good impression on the Aces new A.” Kent winked and Jack’s eyes went wide as he grinned, 

“That’s what your meeting was about?” he hooked his arm under Kent’s back and pulled him up until he was sitting in his lap and he could hug him properly and Kent nodded against his chest 

“Yep, they asked me to mind the A while Jones is IR, it’s only temporary but still.”

Jack pushed him away slightly so he could look him in the eye, “You’re good at the captain thing, you’ll do a great job of it but.” Jack stopped talking and Kent could see the war of thoughts going on behind his eyes so he didn’t move and just waited for him to organise his thoughts and find the right words and eventually he did although he pulled Kent back against his chest before he spoke, clearly not wanting to look him in the eye. “Just be careful not to give all of yourself away again ok? You’ve been looking so happy these last few months with only yourself to worry about and you’re playing brilliantly. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Kent whispered against his chest, “I’ll be careful not to get lost but Cap says I’ve been doing the job unofficially for weeks anyway. My big mouth has been changing the locker room and making people better since I had a go at everyone after my first hat-trick apparently.”

Jack laughed, “I love how you feel the need to clarify which hat-trick!”

“Yeah well,” Kent raised his eyebrows and smiled widely, “I have three now you know, wouldn’t want you to forget that.”

“As if I would.” Jack gave him a small shove, dislodging him from his lap and depositing him on the seat next to him just as Swoops re-entered the room with three mugs and passed them one each before he sat down on the other sofa.

“So Jack, did you like your sign? The girls had great fun with all the glitter.”

Kent laughed, remembering the state of both of the girls by the time they’d finished making it.

“Yeah,” he shook his head and rolled his eyes, “It was rather striking, I can’t believe Alexei was willing to use it!”

“Tater’s built like a monster but he has a heart of marshmallow, he’d do pretty much anything for Parse,”

Kent felt Jack tense just slightly next to him so he leaned closer into his side, “He’s mad for Jenny, Charlie’s friend, and seems to be under some illusion that it’s thanks to me that he met her.” Jack relaxed again. “I never thought he’d agree to standing in an airport holding a two foot glittery picture of a Zamboni though but apparently he really will do anything for me.”

 

“So” Swoops looked down at his hands and then back up at the point on the sofa between Kent and Jack’s shoulders, “on a more serious note before Jen gets back, I’ve never asked anything and Parse has never volunteered anything and I trust his judgement but I just need to say Jack that there are kids in this house and I need to know they’re safe. I don’t believe everything I read in the papers but I won’t have anything dangerous around my kids.”

Kent felt anger and tension bubbling in his chest and he had an almost overwhelming desire to shout ‘Fuck you’ at Swoops and drag Jack out of there but before he could move Jack reached for his arm, and manoeuvred him from sitting up to lying down, head resting on his lap again, before he even noticed it was happening. 

It had always been the thing that Jack relaxed as he played with Kent’s hair and Kent relaxed as Jack stroked his head so the position was soothing for both of them. Despite Charlotte’s love of curling up in just this position, her in Jack’s place, Kent had missed the strength and size of Jack’s hands more than he’d realised and all his anger at Swoops drifted before Jack even opened his mouth to reply.

“I have anxiety problems.” Jack kept his eyes on Kent although he was clearly talking to Swoops. “I’ve had them since I was really young but I never really knew why until a couple of years ago. I’m not making excuses for myself but the expectations some people put on me were more than I could cope with.”

Kent heard a pained noise behind him and turned his head to look at Swoops who was now looking sad rather than worried and he gave him a slight smile before turning back to Jack, looking him in the eye again and encouraging him to continue.

“Kenny was the first person who saw it, he was the first person who tried to help me and the first person who told me I should ignore the pressure from my…” Jack took a breath and Swoops filled in the rest of the sentence with a rather angry question

“From your fucking father?”

Jack physically jumped at the anger in the question and then laughed and looked up at Swoops for the first time. “This one told me what your first comment on my dad was when he mentioned him, I was so glad he had you to remind him to ignore his ‘rules’ and that he wasn’t surrounded by people who thought Bad Bob Zimmermann was the source of the sun!”

“I met him once Jack, and only once, you were with him at a charity thing. He filled up the room when he walked in, everyone wanted to talk to him, he was loud and funny and I was totally in awe of him. I could hardly speak when he came closer and I felt like an idiot but then he started telling a story about you, when you were tiny, about the Stanley cup.”

Jack winced and blushed knowing exactly what the story was,

“You were stood next to him, looking at the floor and clearly trying to make yourself disappear as much as possible and he had this whole group of players around him laughing along with him as he pushed you into the middle of the group and all I could think was ‘what an asshole!’ How could he not see how upset you were at people laughing at you?”

Kent reached up a hand to run his thumb across Jack’s cheekbone, wiping away a tear that had just begun to fall down his cheek and Jack squeezed his arm in return.

“He started talking about expecting you to win it now, given you’d put so much effort into avoiding the curse of touching the cup and I couldn’t watch what was happening any longer so I walked away feeling like the ‘never meet your heroes, you’ll only be disappointed’ thing had been created for just that moment.”

“That’s...” Jack took a long breath and tried again. “Thank you, no one but Kenny has ever understood, it’s like no one ever noticed. For so long I thought it was all in my head which didn’t help the anxiety,” he laughed a little, relieving the tension in the room, “Kenny helped me through Juniors, we played well together and he always checked I was ok but it was at a cost to him.”

Kent opened his mouth to interrupt and Jack brought his finger to his lip and stopped him.

“I knew that we’d be split by the draft, so I needed to take more responsibility for myself but trying to hide things from him made the anxiety worse and the medication I was given worked too well, in that it made it easy to cover up until it all got too much. Kenny wasn’t playing as well as he could because he was too busy looking after me and he needed not to have me to worry about so I did a stupid thing so I could avoid the draft and so he didn’t have time to try and avoid it with me and us both stay in juniors another year.”

Kent was crying, he’d never talked to Jack about things, not since that day at the hospital and listening to him talk so freely about what he’d done and why was painful and quite shocking.

“I’ve never taken anything illegal, I only carry three pills at any one time, all three are currently in my bag in a sealed box.” Jack looked down at Kent “I’ll tell you, if I take one but I haven’t used any in three months.” Jack leant down and kissed Kent’s forehead and Kent felt his eyes widen as he smiled up at him. “I’ve been practicing the techniques you used to talk me through and I can make them work on my own most of the time. I even managed to play a friendly game of hockey yesterday with that guy I told you about, he’s going to college next year and is hoping to fund it by playing hockey so he likes to play with some friends when he can get rink time and I’ve been able to help with that with the coaching but he finally persuaded me to play and it was fun, really fun.” 

Kent grinned at that and Jack smiled at him.

“So then,” Swoops drew Jack’s attention back to him, “In that case maybe you can join us on our Christmas skate tomorrow? Jen and I agreed we’d miss it this year but if you fancy it?”

“Erm… um…”

“No need to decide now and no pressure if you don’t want to.” Swoops leant forward in his seat and reached for Jack’s hand where it was still playing in Kent’s hair and Kent felt the weight against his head increase as Swoops hand rested warm and heavy over Jack’s “Thank you for telling me and thank you for letting your boy come here and play without feeling like he shouldn’t.”

“He’s spectacular.” Kent felt two sets of fingers against his scalp and Jack’s other hand came up to cup his cheek, “he doesn’t believe it so he needs telling a lot but he’ll only get better now he’s got the A, I know he will.”

“Coach certainly thinks so and I can honestly say that I’ve never seen a rookie come in and play, score and talk the way he does.”

“Are you two going to sit there talking about me like I’m not here all night?” Kent tipped his head back as far as he could on Jack’s thigh, “Because I can cope with that but, you know, Jen and the girls will be home soon.”

“Speaking of which,” Swoops sat up, removing his hand from over Jack’s “I think that’s them.” He stood to look out of the window at the car pulling up outside.

“Should we.” Jack nudged Kent’s head with his hand and lifted his thigh to encourage him to sit up. “Before the kids see?”

“Should we what?” Kent looked at him quizzically but took the hint and started to sit up until Swoops laid his hand on Jack’s shoulder and shook his head,

“You don’t need to do anything Jack, if you’re both comfortable where you are stay there. You’re not doing anything wrong and the worst that will happen is that Parse will get jumped on.” Swoops grinned and Jack laughed just slightly before he looked him in the eye with great seriousness.

“If you’re sure?”

“Jack kid, this is Parse’s home, you’re welcome here and you’re welcome to be exactly how you want to be with each other, the girls love this guy and they are so excited to meet his boy and to hear the story behind the sign. You’re likely to have a lap full any second.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas stockings, Christmas presents, Panic attacks, Game Jersey wearing and the boys being cute with Swoops' daughters :-)

Kent woke to the feel of the bed bouncing and the sound of gleeful whispers of Merry Christmas and he turned his head further into Jack’s chest, willing himself back to sleep but grinning as Jack’s arm tightened just slightly around him.

“Kent, Kent, Jack its Christmas”

Jack sighed and Kent laughed, “What time is it?”

“Early but its Christmas!” Maisie and Sarah kept bouncing on the bed until Kent rolled over on to his back and pushed himself up on his elbows to look at them.

“Why are you waking us up not your mom and dad?”

“We’re not allowed to wake adults before seven even on Christmas day” Sarah said with all the innocence of a four year old and Jack laughed out loud at the incredulous look on Kent’s face.

“Do we not count as adults?”

“You’re not adults,” Maisie said as if it was entirely obvious, “Your Mommy’s here and,” she pointed to the end of the bed, “Santa doesn’t leave stockings for adults.”

Kent’s eyes wrinkled in confusion and he pushed himself up to properly sitting so that he could see where Maisie was pointing.

On the end of the bed, down between their feet, Kent saw his old Christmas stocking, bashed and aged but with his name still clearly embroidered across the top and next to it lay an almost matching, far newer, stocking with ‘Jack’ in bright white thread on the front.

When Jack realised what had happened he looked at Kent with a million thoughts and feelings passing quickly across his face, one of which was clearly panic, so Kent looked over at the girls and winked,

“Where are your stockings sweethearts?”

“In our room.” Sarah almost shouted.

“Well then,” Kent grinned and winked “go get them and we’ll see what Santa brought us shall we?” The girls grinned and made to jump down from the bed. “Be really quiet though, we don’t want to wake the adults do we?” He winked again and the girls grinned and grabbed each other’s hands, running from the room and shushing each other as they went.

“You ok?” Kent reached for Jack as soon as the girls had gone and he could feel a slight tremble in his arm.

“Someone saw us! I should have slept on the floor, sorry.”

“You should have slept right where you did,” Kent held his arm tighter and reached to touch his cheek so he could look him in the eye. “We discussed this last night.”

 

-+-

“Mrs Parson.” Jack offered his hand nervously to Kent’s mom as she arrived in Swoops’ living room.

“Mrs Parson?” she screwed up her face and shook her head as she grabbed his hand and pulled him into her arms, “Don’t you Mrs Parson me Mr Zimmermann, I’ve told you about that before.” She held him close, rubbing his back until he relaxed into her and Kent watched with a smile, glad that his mom really was ok about Jack being there.

“Do I get one of those?” he asked and his mom looked up, releasing her right arm from around Jack, keeping him held close with her left, and reaching for Kent pulling him into the hug and he smiled and kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear “Thanks mom”

 

It was late in the evening when she arrived and once her bags were in her room Laura Parson sent the boys to bed, ready for Santa Clause coming, and she wasn’t for accepting any argument. “Jeff says you were up early for your meeting son and that you didn’t sleep much last night.” Kent cast a betrayed look in Swoops direction but he just laughed. “You’d have been up early for your flight Jack wouldn’t you?” she looked at Jack and he nodded, “So off to bed with you both.” And like they always did when she issued instructions they headed up the stairs to bed.

Jack washed and changed into his pyjama pants in the bathroom before Kent took his place and did the same and Jack was laid on his back on the mattress Jen had set up on the floor, duvet pulled up to his shoulders and arms resting by his sides on top of the covers, when Kent returned to the room and the sight of Jack like that had Kent heaving into his hand and his knees giving way as his mind flashed back to the day in the hospital.

“Shit,” Jack scrambled out of bed and crawled to Kent’s side, reaching to touch his arm gently, “You ok Kenny?”

Kent nodded repeatedly but he wasn’t able to speak as he tried and failed to get his breathing under control. 

Just as he began to feel light headed and was sure that he was going to faint Kent felt a large warm hand splay across his back, between his shoulder blades, and another one hold his hand, thumb rubbing gently across his knuckles, as Jack began to speak quietly and calmly to him, “breathe for me Kenny, concentrate on your breathing, slowly, you can do it baby, in one two three, out two three four.”

Focusing on Jack’s voice, and the warm weight of his hands, Kent tried to control his breathing and slowly it began to settle and as soon as it did he started to laugh almost manically, laughing so hard that his body was shaking and Jack looked at him wide eyes and concerned, “You ok?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kent nodded repeatedly and waved his hand around as if trying to convey something that words couldn’t yet manage through his uncontrolled laughter and Jack sat himself down, cross legged on the floor and pulled Kent onto his lap, cuddling him tight as he laughed against his chest.

“Well,” Kent finally stopped laughing and sat up slightly so that he could look at Jack, “this is a bit of a change in position isn’t it?” Kent was grinning but Jack looked less happy about what was going on.

“What just happened Kenny?” Jack’s eyes were dark and his brow furrowed in worry.

“I think what just happened is that I had a panic attack and you talked me back like a fucking pro!” Kent grinned and reached out to run his thumb across the lines on Jack’s forehead.

“Yeah, ok,” Jack smiled and blushed just slightly, “I did tell you I’d been working on it but what I meant was what made you panic?”

“Oh,” Kent’s smile dropped and he looked away, dropping his hands to his lap and turning his head a little further into Jack chest “I’ve only once seen you lying in bed like that before and that’s when I thought you were gone for good, it scared me!”

“Jeez,” a gush of breath left Jack’s body in a rush as he pulled Kent closer into his chest, “I’m so sorry I did that to you!”

“No Zimms, don’t do that,” Kent lifted his head and kissed Jack’s cheek. “We’re past the apologising stage, we’ve both made mistakes but life’s good now. For the first time we’re both happy, doing well and more importantly in your case, doing what you want to be doing not what you think you should. It just surprised me to see you like that.”

“I really didn’t mean to scare you I was just getting ready for sleep, Christmas in the morning you know?” He smiled and winked but it was a weak attempt.

“I guess I just thought you’d sleep in with me.” It was little more than a whisper against Jack’s chest but Kent knew that it sounded more like a beg than he’d wanted it to.

“Is that what you want me to do? Really?”

“I don’t want ‘that’ if that’s what you’re asking, I just miss sleeping cuddled up with you, if I’d known the last time was going to be the last time I’d have done things differently, I had plans for our last night.”

“So you want to have a last night together?” The sadness in Jack’s voice was painful.

“No, god no! Hell Zimms, I didn’t invite you here for one last fuck!” He almost jumped from Jack’s lap as he stood up and crossed the room to sit on his bed, elbows resting on his knees and head in his hands. “I thought we could just cuddle, I miss having you to cuddle.” 

“I miss cuddling with you too.” Jack spoke softly as he made his way to the bed and sat down a few inches away from Kent. “I didn’t know how much I missed just touching you until you chucked yourself down on the couch when you came in. I really didn’t think it’d be like that, I thought you’d be keeping your distance now you’re doing this for real.”

“No one cares, I don’t know why, maybe it’s the whole Burke thing, maybe that’s what they think my speech was about or maybe they’re trying to do better because he’s out there now, I don’t know but they just don’t seem to care about how I speak about you or how I behave around you even though I’ve never really said anything. Do you think Swoops has a problem with how we are? Or Tater? Even Cap sent me home to my boy this morning and wished me a happy Christmas.”

Kent turned on the bed, bringing one knee up in front of him and used his hand to cup Jack’s cheek turning his head to look at him. “I love you Zimms, I don’t know exactly what category those feelings fall into but I do and I always will. I hope, eventually, you find someone who you want to fuck into next week even when life is going well for you not just when you need to escape your head, but it won’t be me, we both know that. That doesn’t mean we can’t be happy being us though does it? being exactly how we want to be with each other when we’re in the same city?”

Jack leaned into Kent hand on his cheek and smiled a watery smile and opened his mouth as if to speak before shutting it again.

“I’ve missed you Zimms, missed touching you, missed laughing with you, playing games, talking, drinking hot chocolate and, more than anything, I’ve missed skating with you, messing around like we used to whenever we got the chance.”

“Me too,” Jack nodded, “I didn’t know I missed those things so much until I could have them again.”

“Today’s been amazing, just being with you again and I honestly can’t think of a better way to end the day than curling up and sleeping with you before we do it all again tomorrow. So?” Kent stood up and lifted the corner of his duvet, slipping himself under it. “Shall we?”

“Sounds good to me.” Jack smiled and slipped in beside him, settling against his side, head on his chest and arm wrapped around his waist, and Kent held him tightly as they settled off to sleep.

 

-+-

 

Maisie and Sarah reappeared, jumping up on the bed, stockings in hand, and Kent scrambled down the bed to retrieve his and Jack’s before settling back against the headboard, next to Jack, with Maisie and Sarah cross legged on the duvet facing them.

“What does Santa normally bring you?” Jack asked Sarah with a wink.

“Sweets, paper and stories” she grinned “what does he normally bring you?”

Jack blushed and looked away, concentrating his eyes on a spot on the duvet just in front of his knees, so Kent cut in, tipping his stocking out on his knee “Let’s see what we got shall we?”

Sarah and Maisie were as eager as Kent was and tipped everything out onto their laps but Jack seemed a little more cautious as he felt around the outside of the stocking, as if checking that it wasn’t actually empty.

Kent watched him for a second seeing the uncertainty in his body and face before he leaned close to his ear and whispered “I love you, trust me.” And then grabbed the toe of the stocking and up turned it on Jack’s knee making the girls laugh.

“I got an orange.” Sarah waved it in the air gleefully,

“Me too.” Maisie squeaked

“Me three,” said Jack with more excitement than Kent thought an orange should elicit.

“There’s always an orange, you’ve got to have something healthy at Christmas.” Kent laughed and shook his head “what there isn’t always is one of these.” He picked up a little cuddly kitten from his lap, it was a tiny copy of Kitty, that Maisie still lent him sometimes for roadies, and he cuddled it under his chin. Sarah laughed and pointed at the matching one that was sat on Jack’s right knee while at the same time picking up a tiny cuddly puppy that had come from her stocking.

“It looks like Santa thought Kitty might be missing you when we’re away Maisie so he sent me my own, do you think this will work for both of us?”

Maisie nodded cautiously and cuddled her new puppy under her chin, 

“You give it some thought ok?” Kent reached for her hand and squeezed it, “I can always take Kitty and my new little kitten together until you think Kitty has trained her up ok?”

She smiled a little more easily and Kent winked at her just as Jack spoke.

“I got a pen,” his voice went high, in not quite mock, excitement, “And it has my name on.”

Kent looked at him and then down at the pile of things in his lap, “Me too.”

“and me,” Maisie and Sarah said at the same time, “and look at this” Sarah lifted a snowman shaped pad of paper from her knee and waved it around gesturing at the three matching ones on the other people’s laps.

Kent looked at the pen in his hand, a rather expensive pen with his name engraved on the side, and the matching one Jack had, as well as the bright green flashing one and purple sparkly ones the girls had, and his stomach did a funny thing and his heart beat just a little faster and he tried not to grin too widely at it all.

They continued comparing presents, four pairs of Christmas socks, four bars of chocolate and four cartons of juice, putting things back in the stockings after they’d looked at them and then Sarah finally picked up a book that was lying on her knee, “Stories!” She waved it, “I told you we got stories.” She grinned and nodded repeatedly at Jack and he reached out for the book, turning it in her hand to read the title.

“Christmas with the Mr Men.”

“I got Little Miss Christmas.” Maisie waved her book, “What did you get?”

Jack was holding a small brown paperback in his hands and looking at it as if it was a mystery, “I got a book about the civil war.” He looked quizzically at Kent who was looking almost as confused at the astronomy book in his hands.

“Is that good?” Maisie asked, “As good as Mr Men and little Miss?”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded, looking back at the book, “Yeah it’s really good.”

 

“Right,” Kent slipped his book into the top of his stocking and lifted the whole thing onto the bedside table, “It’s still only five o’clock, how about you two come and curl up here,” he patted the mattress in the gap between him and Jack, “And I read you your new stories and we try and get a little more sleep before the adults wake up?”

Maisie and Sarah exchanged looks, making some silent agreement, and then scrambled up the bed and slipped under the duvet. Jack lifted the three stockings off the bed on to the floor and then shuffled to the edge of the bed, trying to give Kent and the girls space to snuggle up but Sarah wasn’t for letting him escape.

Kent leant up against the headboard and Maisie curled up against his side, sucking her thumb while Sarah settled behind her doing the same but with her other hand she reached for Jack’s hand, grasping tight to his thumb, and pulled his arm around her forcing Jack to roll onto his side and lie down behind her as Kent started reading.

He hadn’t made his way to the end of the first book before both Maisie and Sarah were asleep and Jack’s eyes were drooping in smiling tiredness so he carefully repositioned himself, lying down next to Maisie. Jack extracted his thumb from Sarah’s sleep lazy grip and reached for Kent’s hand, fingers weaving together and arms resting just below the girls and they both drifted back to sleep with smiles on their faces.

 

-+-

 

_To Swoops: you guys up yet?_

Kent woke to the smell of coffee and cooking and to the oddly cute sight of three of his favourite people curled up asleep in his bed.

_Yeah, we’ve been up long enough to cook pancakes, are you four awake? We normally have Xmas breakfast in bed, can we eat in your room, the kids aren’t in theirs after all ;-)_

_To Swoops: Breakfast in bed? This being a kid thing is quite fun ;-) I’ll wake the girls. :-D_

_We’ll be up in five._

 

Kent stroked Jack’s cheek gently and he woke slowly with a smile on his face, “what time is it?” 

“Breakfast in bed time apparently.” 

“What?” Jack pushed himself up to sitting, scanning his eyes around the room as if searching for something.

“What’ve you lost?”

“My shirt?”

“What do you need your shirt for?” Kent leaned forward and kissed Maisie’s cheek while stroking Sarah’s arm, trying to wake them gently.

“I can’t sit topless in your bed, with your mom, your team mate and his wife, eating breakfast.”

“You can if you want, I’m going to, but if you’d rather not you can borrow this.” He handed Jack a shirt that had been laid folded on his bedside table and Jack lifted it up letting it unfold in his hands.

“Yeah, I’ll wear this because lying in your bed with your game jersey on and your name all over my back is a much better look.” Jack rolled his eyes dramatically and blushed slightly but he pulled the Aces shirt over his head and settled back against the headboard lifting Sarah up to sit her on his knee while Kent leaned close beside him with Maisie waking slowly against his chest.

“Looks good on you,” Kent winked.

“Yeah?” Jack smiled, “I might take it home with me!”

 

-+-

Pancakes with Jam and syrup, fresh fruit with yogurt and mugs of hot chocolate for the children while the adults drank something with bubbles constituted Christmas breakfast and Kent loved it. He loved watching Swoops and Jen chatting away to Maisie and Sarah about what Santa had put in their stockings and sharing the excitement of their children. He loved talking to his mom about what Santa had brought him and he really loved listening to all the happy voices chatting around him. 

Christmas had been just him and his mom for so many years and it had been a stressful time of year as his mom worked day and night to try and provide the things that the other kids had when all Kent really wanted was to spend time with her not that he’d ever told her that. A room full of voices, of happy people, of people who wanted to share the day with him, even if they had started it at just after four in the morning, was something he’d never expected to have.

“Pyjamas for presents?” Sarah asked flashing puppy dog eyes at her dad and to the laughing surprise of the rest of the room Jack agreed with her “Go on Jeff, let us stay in our pyjamas”

“You just want to keep his shirt on,” Swoops gestured towards Kent and ruffled Jack’s hair before he reached down and picked Sarah up onto his hip. “Pyjamas for presents sounds good to me, Come on.”

Jeff carried Sarah downstairs while Maisie insisted on Kent carrying her and Jack followed everyone down to the living room where they spent an hour exchanging presents. 

Jack had gone full Canadian on the kids, bringing them each a cuddly stuffed moose and some maple toffee. He’d done as he was told and not brought anything for the adults but he hadn’t been able to resist a small present for Kent and when he’d apologised for it being only a second hand book Kent had hugged him tighter than he had in ages. “It’s perfect, Thank you.”

Laura had knitted clothes for Sarah and Maisie’s favourite dolls, she’d framed some photographs of Kent’s favourite childhood places for his bedroom walls, she’d made an album of photos and newspaper cuttings of Jack’s life since she’d known him, including photos of some days they’d spent having fun just the three of them as well as good hockey memories that she wanted him to have and she’d brought chocolates and a nice bottle of wine for Jeff and Jen.

Swoops and Jen bought the girls a couple of toys, the plastic kind that never really did what the box said, they gave Laura a return plane ticket for Valentine’s day weekend, which she argued about and said was far too expensive until Jen told her with a grin that it was actually a request for babysitting while she and Jeff got a night out somewhere and it just happened that the only possible flights took in an Aces home game either side, and they gave Kent a watch, “Because you’re never, ever on time.” Swoops said in explanation as he wrapped his arms around Kent who sank into his chest for a little longer than maybe he should have but he hadn’t been expecting presents from Jen and Swoops and his emotions were running over him a little.

Jack watched the exchanges, curled up on the sofa, with Sarah snuggled against his chest chatting away to her dolly as she tried to put its new clothes on, but he was drawn from his watching when Maisie walked over, having picked something up from under the tree and handed him a small white envelope. “This has your name on.”

“It does?” Jack looked at her in confusion and then glanced up at the other people in the room seeing Jen and Swoops nodding and smiling at him so he looked back to Maisie, “Well then, do you want to help me open it?”

“Yes, yes” she nodded and pulled the top of the envelope open handing him the card inside with a smile.

Jack looked it over in his hands, turning it around until it was the right way up and then he opened the card to find it contained a $200 book token and was signed ‘With Love from Jeff, Jen, Maisie and Sarah’.

“This is,” he took a breath and tried again. “This is so kind but too much, it’s a lot it’s.”

He stopped talking breathing hard and Jen crouched down in front of him, lifting Sarah from his knee to give him more room to breathe. “Charlie was sure about the civil war book but she didn’t manage to find out anything else specific in time or we’d have bought you something more personal. We thought this might help with college books, we know they’re expensive.”

Jack’s eyes had glazed over and he was more looking through Jen than at her so she moved away to give him space and he took the gap to stand and almost run from the room, the bedroom door shutting only a few seconds later.

Worried glances were exchanged around the room and Kent dropped his head, running his fingers roughly through his hair and tugging the ends hard, seeking sensation to calm himself down, “I don’t think he’s had a non-hockey related present in years and he certainly doesn’t have family support for his studies it’s probably just a bit much.”

Maisie was looking at Kent in concern and when he noticed his first instinct was to pull on his covering smile and wink at her but he knew the confusion of adults doing that so instead he reached for her hand and she threw herself into his arms. “I’m worried about Jack being upset sweetheart, nothing else ok?” She nodded and smiled. 

“I like Jack, he’s funny and cuddly”

“He really is.” Kent winked and kissed her forehead. “Now, why don’t you go see what else is under the tree, I think I saw some more things with yours and Sarah’s names on.

 

By the time Jack returned, just over ten minutes later, Maisie and Sarah were sat on the living room floor surrounded by packets of crayons, pots of paints, a ream of paper in five different colours, a pile of silver and gold card and over a dozen large tubes of glitter as well as numerous other boxes of sequins, buttons and who knew what else and Jen and Swoops were looking at Kent as if they loved and hated him all at the same time. “Oh my god Kenny was this you?” He grinned and flopped down on the sofa next to Kent, leaning into his side.

“Yep, totally me.” Kent smiled back, “They have talent, you saw the Zamboni, talent should be encouraged.”

“Totally” Jack grinned in agreement and slid to the floor next to Maisie to look more closely at what seemed to be a box full of eyes that she was shaking like a rattle.

 

Kent sat down next to Jack, showing Sarah the animal shaped sequins he’d picked out especially for her, because they had turtles and crocodiles in them, but after a few minutes of listening to Jack talk and laugh as if the thing with the book token had never happened, he excused himself to use the bathroom and made his way upstairs to his room finding himself stood next to Jack’s bag, trying to resist the urge to open it and check how many pills were left in the box.

He’d been lost in thought for a long time when he felt the warmth of another body against his back and then the strong arms of his favourite team mate came together over his shoulders, fingers lacing against his sternum, and pulled him back, away from the bag. “You really don’t want to do that.”

Kent twisted in Swoops arms, turning into his chest, “but.”

“But nothing kid,” Swoops nuzzled his head close to his ear so he could speak in not much more than a whisper. “He said he’d tell you if he took anything, he’s not going to announce it to the room though is he? So if he has you haven’t given him the opportunity to tell you have you?”

Kent made a noise against Swoops now damp shirt and shook his head.

“If you look you’ll hate yourself for it, even if he never finds out you checked you’ll know and it’ll destroy you.” Swoops stopped talking and just held him for a minute, rocking foot to foot, as he calmed down and stopped crying. 

“This is harder than I thought it would be”

“Having him here?”

“Yeah, it’s fantastic, amazing, wonderful and brilliant but it’s so hard too”

“You’re a pair of kids doing something most adults couldn’t do Kent, it’s amazing that you’re doing so well with it, both of you.”

Kent let out a pained laugh and Swoops held him closer, “you are doing well, it’s not easy to love someone in a way that doesn’t fit with the world’s understanding, people will never understand how I can still, anyway this isn’t about me.” He coughed out a laugh and then moved to look Kent in the eye. “It’s hard to figure out sometimes but you two are making a good shot at making it work so trust him ok?”

Kent nodded and pulled himself away from Swoops chest wiping his eyes.

“I don’t know what you were going to say, and you don’t ever have to tell me but thanks for understanding. I do trust him and last night he proved he knows how to deal with a panic attack because I bloody well had one so he really is doing ok.”

“A Panic attack?!” 

“Yeah, not a bad one but he was great.” Kent smiled “I do trust him, always have. Thanks for stopping me fucking up.”

Swoops pulled him back into a hug, “you’re doing great, I’m proud of you, both of you.”

There was a small noise by the doorway and both Kent and Swoops looked up seeing Jack stood watching them. “Come here you,” Swoops lifted his hand towards Jack and without a moments hesitation he walked into his arms putting one arm around Kent and allowing Swoops to wrap his arms around them both. “I mean it, I’m proud of you both, the world might not consider it my place to say that but I’ve never really cared for the world’s opinion on stuff like that.”

“Thank you for saying it,” Jack said quietly and then continued with “I didn’t take anything Kenny, I just needed a minute, it was all a bit much, stockings and presents and everything, all so new.”

“New” Jeff asked carefully as he tightened his arms around them both.

“I haven’t had Christmas presents in years, ten maybe twelve. Papa always said Christmas was for giving not for getting, he said we were rich so we had to help others at Christmas not ourselves.”

“We help others,” Jeff said with a smile, “Jen runs a programme for kids and their parents, learning to read and learning to cook and healthy eating and stuff, and we give them all presents for Christmas and birthdays because we can but I’ll still be buying presents for my kids when they’re ninety if I’m lucky enough to still be here. We will make sure the kids know the value of money though, it’s important,” 

Jeff stopped talking, clearly quite uncomfortable at maybe over stepping his remit but then he took a breath and carried on “Could just have been a fucked up way of trying to teach you that Jack, they probably didn’t mean to be horrible, still shit for you though.”

“Do you think?” Jack turned his head and looked at Jeff, wide-eyed, “You really think that’s what he was doing?”

“If the options are being a twat or being an idiot I’d go for the idiot thing every time.” 

Jeff smiled and Kent laughed. “Always one for the bright side our Swoops.”

“I think I like that thought though, better to be error than intention.” Jack smiled, “I like the thought of getting back to enjoying this Christmas more though.”

“Sounds good to me,” Jeff said as he gave them one last squeeze and then let go of them pushing them towards the door, “We have lots more fun planned for the day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken a while, I hope the Christmas cuteness makes up for the wait :-)


	8. Chapter 8

_“Alexei, do you have any spare skates? P_

_From Tater: two pairs but they be too big for little boy feet. :-p_

_I don’t want them for my feet big foot ;-) size 12 right? P_

_From Tater: yes 12. For Zimmboni?_

_Zimmboni? What the hell?_

_From Tater: I understand sign wrong?_

_Omg I’m so telling Zimms this :-D can he borrow your skates?_

_From Tater: yes Zimmboni borrow skates._

_He laughed out loud at the nickname but says thanks for the skates. P_

-+-

“Do you know how to skate?” Sarah was sat next to Jack on the bench as he laced up his borrowed skates and she watched with interest.

“I’ve done a bit.” He replied with a smile.

Kent and Swoops had disappeared towards the locker room to retrieve their skates and Maisie had gone with them but Sarah, just as she had been since four o’clock this morning was happy to be with Jack and he was quite enjoying the company and the distraction. “Do you skate much?” Sarah had her own, bright green, skates with her name on so he was fairly sure she did but she seemed pleased to be asked.

“Daddy brings us lots; mommy comes sometimes but not the last few times.”

“So you’ll be really good then?” She turned her head away, looking slightly shyer than he’d expected. “Will you show me how it’s done?” He got a tiny nod of agreement. “Want me to lace your skates?”

“Please.” She grinned at him as he knelt down on the floor by her feet and set about tying her securely into her skates.

 

“Zimmboni” Tater stepped out of the tunnel, onto the ice, and skated over to where Jack and Sarah were waiting, “you find skates?”

“Yeah thanks,” Jack laughed and Sarah whispered “It’s a Zamboni” into his side which made him laugh harder. “So we’re sticking with that are we?”

“Zimmboni? Is problem?” Tater was looking at him warmly, as if he was trying to communicate something that language, whichever language he tried, just wouldn’t do and Jack considered it for a second. 

The sign at the airport had made him laugh, ‘Zimmermann’ would have attracted attention and ‘Jack’ would have been very unspecific given that a stranger was picking him up but the glittery Zamboni had said it all. The reference to his and Kent’s late night, one on one, ice time and their improving ability to cover their tracks once they figured out how to drive the Zamboni had relieved some of the tension he’d been feeling about the visit in just the same way that laughing now at Tater’s attempts at nick-naming him was easing the worry about taking to the ice with Kent for the first time since before the draft.

“No problem at all,” he looked Tater right in the eye as he spoke with a smile, “Zimmboni it is.”

“Good” Tater looked rather pleased with himself, “Skate now?”

“We’re going to wait for Daddy and Maisie aren’t we Sarah.” 

She nodded “and Kent,”

“Yes sweetheart, and Kent.”

“Okay,” Tater leant on the boards and smiled at Sarah and then turned away with a wave and made his way to the large group of players and kids and family that were now congregated in the centre of the rink.

 

They sat for another minute before Sarah was swinging her feet backwards and forwards and complaining about the wait and Jack was equally fed up of waiting so he grabbed Sarah’s hand, “I’m too excited to wait any more,” Sarah suddenly grinned at him excitedly. “Will you show me Daddy’s ice?”

“Yes!” Sarah slipped from her chair on to her skates, “Come on.” She reached up for the latch on the gate but she couldn’t quite manage so Jack slipped the lock and pulled the gate open for her and she stepped onto the ice like she spent her life there and skated to a halt, safely, a few metres away. She turned to Jack with a smile “come on, you can do it,” and Jack stepped over the lip onto the ice and glided over to her.

As he came to a stop Sarah glared at him, standing with her hands on her hip. “You skate more than a bit.”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded apologetically, “I skate almost as much as Kenny and Daddy do. I just haven’t for a while so I was nervous, I didn’t want to look silly if I fell.”

“I fall all the time, it’s funny,” Sarah laughed and reached for Jack’s hand before leading him across the ice, spinning around him and giggling as he tried not to fall over her.

“Sarah,” a voice Jack didn’t recognise spoke to Sarah and instinctively Jack reached for her to pull her closer and then he realised the stupidity of the action. This was Aces ice, this was the Aces team Christmas skate, every person in the room must have known Sarah better, and for longer, than he had. “Who’s your friend? Did you get him for Christmas?”

“Don’t be silly Dav,” Sarah all but rolled her eyes and both Jack and Dav laughed. “You don’t get people for Christmas he’s just come to visit us and to see Kent.”

“Oh I see,” Dav laughed again and moved closer, “sorry for my mistake. Would you and your friend like to come play? My two and Caps little one thought we could play a little game?”

Sarah looked at Jack as if she was asking his opinion so he nodded and she pulled him with her over to the mini hockey game that was about to start at the left hand end of the rink.

 

-+-

“Three times Swoops, three times!” Kent had been struggling with his skates for ten minutes past when everyone but them had left the locker room, putting them on, lacing them up tying them and then untying them and removing them from his feet because they didn’t feel quite right. After the third attempt he was feeling cross at himself and at everything.

“Take them off and then fasten up Maisie’s skates for her while I do mine and then you can sit down and I’ll do yours.”

“You’re going to fasten my shoes like I’m a stupid kid?” Kent was pulling at his hair and trying not to cry and Swoops crossed the room and crouched down in front of him, stopping his hands with his own.

“I’m going to help you get out there on your ice with your boy and your team because I want you to have fun.”

“Okay.” Kent felt the tension slip from his body as he made eye contact with Swoops and after a long moment he finally turned to wink at Maisie, “Come on you, jump up,” he tapped the bench next to him, “let’s get those skates on and go and have fun.”

 

Finally comfortable in his skates and with Maisie’s tiny hand in his, Kent made his way down the tunnel to the ice and he grinned widely as he stepped onto the rink and saw Jack with a hockey stick in his hand laughing and playing with a group of children and adults.

“Shall we go play?” Kent looked down at Maisie and she nodded up at him so they made their way over to join in.

 

The little game lasted for about twenty minutes, some goals were scored but not always in the right net and the kids were all more interested in practicing their cellies than actually scoring goals but Kent loved every minute of it. Playing on the same ice as Jack, even if it wasn’t really a game was something he never thought he’d do again and of everything great about this Christmas this was the highlight or it was until Cap decided that enough of the team were in attendance to call a game.

The wives and girlfriends who were in attendance ushered the children from the ice to the bench and Jack held Sarah and Maisie’s hands and followed the crowd, stepping off the ice and settling them in seats to watch.

Cap and Kent were assigned as team captains, Cap decided that this was the perfect time to inform the team of his A, but as Kent turned to the group to make his first selection his stomach dropped because Jack wasn’t there. He collected himself quickly, selecting Swoops who skated to his side looking at him with concern, and then Tater, Dav and Miller with Cap making his first five selections as well until they were left with just Daniels and therefore uneven teams but Tater had other plans.

“Zimmboni” he shouted across the ice at Jack, “Parse team need you.”

“Me?” Jack blushed and shook his head “I don’t play.”

“Like hell Zimmerman, Cap and Dav spoke at the same time before Dav continued “if you think you’re getting out of here without the Aces ice seeing a pairing the NHL will ban any team from trading together you’re mad.” Everyone laughed and Kent skated quickly towards the bench, stopping in front of Jack and leaning in to whisper in his ear.

“You don’t have to do this but if you want to I’d love to play with you again.”

“I’m unfit!” Jack almost pouted “they’re pro athletes they’ll eat me alive.”

“Not a chance,” Kent grinned knowing that he was winning the argument and unlatched the gate. “We got this Zimms.”

There was one more second of doubt as Jack’s eyes flicked from Kent to the group on the ice and then back again “ok Kenny, let’s do this.”

 

-+-

They’d won the game six to two, Jack scoring three and Kent two, and they’d played together as if they never stopped doing it, much to the joy of the everyone, even those on the other side of the game, and two hours later they were sat at Swoops dining table tucking into their Christmas dinner with Jack still grinning and Kent wondering if he’d ever really have Jack on the ice beside him again.

 

“Did any of your guys go to college?” Kent caught Jack’s almost whispered question to Swoops while he was listening to Tater talk about the Russian Christmas he had planned with Jenny in a few days and he resisted the urge to turn and talk to Jack.

“Dav did I think and we’ve a new rookie who played his way through college but didn’t finish, he’s studying online and distance learning while he plays to finish up I think and I’m fairly sure we have a couple more.”

“Do you think they liked doing it that way? Rather than the draft from juniors?”

“I think it worked for them, Dav’s played for years now but he has plans for teaching after which he can do because he has the college thing done, the new kid is playing in the AHL to get used to the number of games but his skill isn’t in question. You thinking about it?”

By now everyone had overheard the conversation and they were all not quite looking at Jack while clearly listening.

“I’ve been thinking about it, I could be almost normal for a bit, study and play hockey and just try and have fun. No NHL doesn’t have to mean no hockey, right?”

“You’re not looking to draft next year?” Kent could hear the sadness in his question but he hoped Jack would forgive him for it; this was a conversation they’d never had after all.

“I had an amazing time skating with you and your team, it was nice to be on the ice with you again but I’m not ready to do it for real, I’d love to do it again, if you ever invite me back here, but the idea of facing you on the ice is something I can’t even think about and I’d never draft here and wouldn’t want to because we’d more than likely sink back into our hole and I’d ruin both of us.”

Kent opened his mouth to argue but closed it again when he realised that there was nothing there that he could actually argue with.

“So you’d study history I guess?” Laura asked in the most proud motherly voice Kent had heard in ages “and play less intense but still competitive hockey while having fun, making friends and finding out who Jack is when he’s not a reluctant hockey prince?”

Jack nodded, emotions making it hard to speak and Kent grabbed his hand, where it rested on the table and squeezed it while Tater smiled at Jack encouragingly.

“Is good idea Zimmboni, hockey important but happy more important.”

“So,” Jack looked around the faces at the table, clearly seeking their approval despite only having known most of them a day, “you don’t think it’s a bad idea?”

“I think it’s a great idea Jack,” Jen leant on the table and smiled. “You’re a good kid who knows what he needs to do, you’re always welcome here and we’ll support you any way we can but you have to do what’s right for you.”

“Me too,” Laura spoke and Jack turned to her with tears in his eyes, “I love you like my own Jack, if this is what you want I’m right there with you.”

“My dad is going to hate it, hate me, but I think it’s what I need.”

Kent shuffled his chair closer to Jack’s and slipped his arm around his waist pulling him into his side and kissed his cheek, “it’s his loss if he doesn’t love you” 

“Still hurts.” Jack turned his head into Kent’s shoulder to hide his tears and Kent held him tight until he stopped shaking.

 

“Jack” a little voice whispered by his side and he looked down to see Sarah, arms out stretched in his direction, and he couldn’t help smiling at her as he leaned down and picked her up onto his knee where she cuddled into his chest “I’m glad you came for Christmas.”

“I’m glad too sweetie, thank you for having me.” He squeezed her tight and then tried to lift her back to the floor, “go finish your dinner then we can have pudding.” He winked at her but she kept hold of his shirt and didn’t want to move.

“Given it’s Christmas,” Swoops started moving things around on the table to make a plate size space next to Jack’s, “why don’t you stay there and eat the rest?” Swoops winked and Sarah’s eyes widened, this was clearly something she wasn’t normally allowed to do. Jen moved her plate into the gap and Sarah tucked into her dinner enthusiastically while Jack tried to work out how to chop up the rest of his dinner one handed.

-+-

 

_Merry Christmas Papa, I hope you and Mama have had a nice one. Love Jack xx_

Jack held the phone up over his shoulder so Kent could see it before he hit send and Kent tightened his arms around his chest in encouragement and then they sat in silence, Jack leaning back heavy against his chest and Kent trying to resist moving his hands because just as much as he liked the movement of Jack’s fingers on his skin to calm him he knew Jack preferred the heavy stability of almost paralysis. 

_From Papa: It’s so good to hear from you Jack, we didn’t want to intrude but we’ve been hoping you’d contact us today. I hope you’ve had a wonderful Christmas with Kent. Thank you so much for contacting us, we’re sorry for everything. We love you Jack. Sorry. Xxxx_

Having read the message over Jack’s shoulder a few times, and given him chance to consider it himself Kent gave him a squeeze and Jack turned his head up to look at him, eyes wide and damp. “Do you think they’re really sorry?”

“How much have you told them about everything? Have you told them what went wrong?”

“Not really, I don’t know how to.” 

“Then I think they’re sorry that things are a mess and they don’t want to push you which is better than it could be.”

“What do I say back? I should reply right?”

“No should about it Zimms, what do you want to do?”

Jack thought for a moment and then looked up at Kent eyes wide and clearly in pain, “I want to tell them I’ve had a great Christmas here, that I’m glad they have too and that I hope we can sort things out.”

“Then do just that, whatever response you get from them you’ll have done what you want to do and that’s important.”

_I was woken at four to open Christmas stockings, I skated with the Aces, and I’ve eaten more food than I normally would in a week. It’s been brilliant. I’m glad yours has been ok. It would be nice if you visited sometime. Xxx_

It took a while to compose and he had Kent check it twice before he was finally happy that it was ready and then he tapped send and waited.

_From Papa: Mama’s crying (so am I) we would love to visit. Send us dates that fit around your work and your study and we’ll be there as soon as we can. I love you Jack, I’m so sorry for the things I’ve said, we’ve been getting help we promise we’ll do better. Papa xxx_

“They’re getting help!” Jack started to tremble in Kent’s arms and Kent took his phone from his hand, laying it on the pillow next to them, and, with little resistance from Jack, turned him around on his lap so he could cuddle him properly.

They sat for a long time, long enough for Kent to feel a little sorry for Bob and Alicia who were probably sat at home desperately hoping for a reply, but he didn’t push Jack, that wasn’t his job now, his job was to support him and make sure that he knew that he never again had to do something stupid in order to escape his fears.

“If I told them I’m going home tomorrow and that I’m not back at work until the second do you think they’d come?” Jack was whispering into Kent’s chest and holding tight to his arm, fingers digging in close to painful, and sounding so small that Kent couldn’t help his tears.

“I don’t know Zimms,” he tightened his arms slightly, “I can’t promise that they will but if you want to tell them that and give them a chance then it will be up to them and,” Kent used his hand to encourage Jack to lift his head and look at him, “they’d be fools not to and if they don’t then you can stay here until the new year, you’re always welcome with us.”

Jack managed a small smile at that and then he reached for his phone, not moving from Kent’s lap as he tapped out a message that was deleted and redrafted at least four times before he tapped send and buried his face back in Kent’s chest.

_I’m going home tomorrow, the Aces are back in training then, I’m back to coaching on the second, I don’t want you near my team. If you can come between the two I would love to see you. Jack xx_

Time ticked by, there was no clock in Kent’s room and his new watch was digital but he still felt the ticking in his head as they waited for a reply. Tick tock tick tock tick tock and then they both jumped at the buzz of the text alert and Jack laughed as he grabbed the phone and handed it to Kent “would you mind?”

Kent shook his head and smiled reassuringly as he took the phone, opening the message and taking a breath to compose himself as he read it to Jack. “We’ve booked flights for the twenty seventh, we’ll leave by the first and before if you want us to, I understand about your team, I really am truly sorry that I never told you that I’m prouder of you just for being than I am of any trophy that ever passed through my hands. I love you Jack. Thank you.”

“I don’t know what to say to that, how do I reply to that?”

“You don’t have to reply if you don’t want to,”

“I can’t just leave them hanging.”

“You can if you want, that would be totally ok but if you don’t want to then that’s ok too.”

Jack considered that for a second “I want to reply but I don’t want to talk any more after that so,” he took his phone from Kent’s hand and wrote a quick message 

_I look forward to seeing you; I’m going to sleep now. Xx_

Which he sent before showing it to Kent and handing over his phone so it could he slipped into the drawer on the bedside table for the night.

“Come here,” Kent sat them up and shuffled down the bed until he was lying on his back with his head on the pillow and he offered his arms to Jack who cuddled into them, head on his chest and arm around his waist and they settled off to sleep, exhausted from a long, wonderful and emotional family Christmas.

 

-+-

_From Zimms: Bob wants to text you; I told him I’d ask if he could. LY xx_

Kent was sat in his stall waiting for the press intrusion when he heard his phone buzz and checked the message.

_Does he want to tell me how shit my team is for losing to that lot? I’m not sure I can take that right now!_

_From Zimms: I read that to him and he cried, he’s done a lot of that since they got here, I’ve told him no._

_Sorry Zimms, that was mean, if you think I should let him then tell him ok._

_From Zimms: no should about it Kenny, he fucked up with you as much as he did with me you don’t have to ever speak to him if you don’t want to. I’m sorry you lost, be good to yourself. Love you. Xxxx_

The room was invaded by press and cameras and Kent hid his phone away and slapped on his post match ‘it hurts now but we’ll be back to winning tomorrow’ face and gave his first interview with an A on his chest, something one of the reporters seemed painfully obsessed with.

“Do you think the team is missing the experience of Jones?’

‘Are you ready for the responsibility of pulling the team round after this?’

‘Do you think the pressure of the A put your game off?’

The truth was that they lost by one goal in the last seconds having fought hard against a team just behind them in the division, both goal tenders were fantastic, saving over thirty shots each, and he’d done nothing wrong and neither had any other member of the team but the press are the press and they have stories to write and the most interesting thing about the game had, apparently, been the eighteen year old rookie A who should never have been in Vegas to begin with.

 

_Tell him he can text_

The locker room was almost empty as Kent sent the message to Jack before he could change his mind; he was feeling shit already why not complete the job?

_Unknown number:_

He laughed when he remembered deleting all Bob’s information after receiving that bloody email

_Losses are hard, last second losses are the worst but with an Alternate like you who loves his boys as much as you do I’m sure you’ll bounce back tomorrow :-) Bob xx_

He read it three times getting angrier and angrier each time. That wasn’t the message he’d been expecting and every word of the vicious email he’d received after his first press conference flashed through his head.

_Fuck you Bob, I didn’t fuck my way to the A I damn well earned it!_

He slammed his phone down in the bench, knocked his head back against the wall and let out an angry shout and Swoops was sat in the stall next to him within seconds while Tater blocked the doorway to ensure that they weren’t disturbed.

“What’s happened?” Swoops asked cautiously 

“Zimmerman thinks I’m fucking half the team!”

“Zimmboni?” Tater asked in pained confusion and Kent shook his head

“His bloody father, they’ve been making up for the last few days, Jack asked if his dad could text me and I thought it couldn’t make the night any worse if he did.” He laughed manically, “how wrong I was!”

“Wind back a bit,” Swoops said in confusion. “What did Bob actually say?”

“He said that having someone who loves his boys like I do would have us bouncing back tomorrow.”

“You do love the boys and you will help them and we will win tomorrow. I don’t get it Parse, sorry.”

Kent sat for a second and then tumbled sideways into Swoops, hiding his head in his chest. “He didn’t mean that did he? Shit!”

His phone buzzed again and with some trepidation he picked it up and checked the message.

_Unknown number: I’m so sorry Kent; I should never have said what I said about you and Jack, that email is one of my biggest regrets in this. You’ve earned every little thing you’ve ever had, you’re better than you know and the NHL is richer for having you in it. I really am sorry. Bob xx_

Kent showed Swoops the message and collapsed back into his chest, “I’m an idiot!”

“No Parse,” Swoops cuddled him closer, “you’re a kid whose been let down too often by people that you want to care about you, you’re allowed to be angry sometimes and you’re allowed to make mistakes.”

“How do I fix it now?”

“You don’t need to, he knows why you thought he meant what you did and he’s apologised for it. I’m worried you never told me about the email though”

“It was after that first press thing in preseason, when they asked me about Jack and the overdose. He rambled on for two pages about how I’d abandoned Jack when he needed me most and let everyone down, how the Aces would soon find out just what they’d saddled themselves with and how I better stop referring to Jack as my boy because he wasn’t, he never would be and all I’d ever been was a handy fuck!”

Kent took a breath and then laughed a laugh that made his whole body shake. “And there I go outing myself, and Jack, in an NHL locker room, God I’m such a fuck up!”

Tater left his spot by the door, crossing the floor and pulling Kent up from his seat, wrapping his strong arms around him and tucking him close under his chin. “Not fuck up Parse. You fucking awesome!”

Kent laughed against his chest but made no attempt to move away as Tater held him more firmly. “In Russia is issue, in Aces locker room you say it not issue so it not issue.”

“He’s right Parse,” Swoops crowded in behind Kent, sandwiching him tight between them. “We’ve got your back; you’re not on your own any more.”


	9. Chapter 9

_From Charlie: I wanted to ask you something, I know we’re seeing each other later but I thought if I asked you now you wouldn’t feel like you had to say yes the way you do when people ask you stuff to your face. Is that ok?_

_I’m confident I’ll still say yes but yeah go on. (Also thanks) K_

_From Charlie: I’ve got a work thing next Thursday and wondered if you’d come with me? It’s black tie. You don’t have to say yes, I know you might have a game._

_I’m not sure I believe you haven’t checked the schedule but thanks for the get out. I’m not playing, or on the road, so I’d love too. K_

_From Charlie: are you sure? You really don’t have to, it’s not like we’re dating or, you know. I normally go to stuff on my own so I can just do that, it wouldn’t be a problem._

_I didn’t realise this friendship think only worked one way. Do you have a dress, shoes etc?_

Kent’s use of emojis had reduced to almost nothing with Charlotte and he loved that they knew each other well enough now that she heard written text from him in just the way it sounded as it left his head and he didn’t have to add winking faces to be sure she knew he was joking.

_From Charlie: one day your text message sarcasm is going to get lost in translation and we’re actually going to fall out. I have those flat black sandals I wear when we go dancing but I need a dress. I hate shopping._

_Can I ask? You don’t have to answer but do you ever wear heels? Not saying you should just wondering. Jen wears them whenever she dresses up, says they make her feel different from normal everyday stuff. K_

_Sorry that was a ramble! K_

_From Charlie: I’m five eleven in bare feet, you don’t hit that in your skates, I don’t want to draw any more attention to your tiny self do I? You might get carded for soda water again!_

_We said we weren’t talking about that!_

_From Charlie: no, you said we weren’t talking about it, I said I wouldn’t tell your team, doesn’t mean I can’t chirp you about it._

_Chirp??! OMG Charlie you’ve caught hockey!_

_From Charlie: have not! Anyway, this dinner, do you fancy it? You don’t have to pretend to be my date, just a friend._

_You’ve agreed to come to the Valentine’s charity fundraiser with me, there’s no chance I’m saying no to this! You should wear heels though, if you want to. K_

_From Charlie: thank you. I’m looking forward to the fundraiser. I’ll consider the heels, after I’ve found a dress! I’ve told you I hate shopping right?_

_You have, once or twice. Could you take a friend? Jenny maybe? K_

_From Charlie: she’s not really a black tie shopping kind of friend, don’t tell Alexei about the do will you? I haven’t told Jenny._

_From Charlie: I don’t suppose Jen likes shopping? And wouldn’t mind helping out an idiot?_

_I won’t mention it. I just asked Jen and she says she’d love to if you’re sure you want her help. Can I give her your number so you can sort it? (Also you are NOT an idiot) K_

_From Charlie: tell her thanks and yes about the number. I’ll see you tonight, enjoy the ice. Xxx_

 

-+-

Jen refused to tell him anything about Charlie’s outfit or about the day they’d spent shopping for it which he found both wonderful, because Jen clearly cared that Charlotte got the right thing for her, and hated because he had no idea what to expect when she arrived to collect him which left him stood in the hall, pacing nervously five minutes before she was due to arrive feeling more uncomfortable than he had in a very long time.

“You worried,” Jen smiled as she appeared in the hall, closing the living room door behind her, cutting off the noise of Swoops and the girls playing superheroes in there.

“I never asked her where this do is or what the process is or even why she’s been invited. She never talks about work but for the fact that she worked evenings as a cocktail waitress for a while which is where she met Jenny and the group she was with the first time we met.”

Jen reached for his bow tie, straightening it in a beautifully motherly way which calmed him slightly.

“Take a breath” Jen smiled at him and put her hand warm on his shoulder. “She asked you to go with her because she likes you, you’re friends and from what I can make out she doesn’t have many and certainly not many who she could invite as a plus one without people making assumptions.”

“They’ll make assumptions about us though won’t they?”

“Yeah they might but you both know they’re wrong and we all know that being mistaken as boyfriend and girlfriend is far less of a problem than girlfriend and girlfriend or boyfriend and boyfriend, it shouldn’t be but it is.”

Kent nodded, “and it’s all way easier than having no plus one, which, let’s be honest, is ridiculous!”

“You’re not wrong.” Jen leant close and kissed his cheek just as there was a knock on the door. “Go have fun”

 

A man, in dark black suit, white shirt and black tie was at the door when he opened it and it startled a surprised laugh out of him.

“Mr Parson?”

Kent nodded

“Ms James is waiting for you in the car.”

Kent looked past the man to see a sleek black car, with tinted windows, sitting at the end of the drive. There were many things Kent wanted to say like ‘who are you’ and ‘why is she in a car like that’ but instead he straightened himself up, muscle by muscle from toes to shoulders and smiled his media smile as he pulled the house door too and followed the driver to the car, where the door was opened for him and he slid in next to Charlotte, catching the nervous look in her eye as she stared down at the floor.

“Hey,” he slid his hand across the seat to rest over hers where she was gripping the edge with almost white knuckles. “You ok?”

“Sort of,” she took a breath and he squeezed her hand gently “I think I’ve tricked you into coming, you don’t have to, you can go back in the house now, I won’t hold it against you.”

“Tricked me?” Kent had one moment of panic about the boyfriend and girlfriend thing and then discounted it immediately which left him with no idea what she was talking about. “I don’t understand, you asked me to come and I said yes, where’s the trick?”

Charlotte looked up as the driver started the engine, “my company has a table at the business awards dinner, we’ve been nominated for some awards and I really wanted someone to be there with me.”

Kent looked at her, and realisation dawned “when you say ‘my company’ you don’t mean it the way I do when I say my team do you?” She shook her head looking down at her feet. “And when you say ‘we’ve been nominated’ you mean you don’t you?” She finally looked up, chancing a look at his face as he grinned at her, “Why do you think I wouldn’t want to come?”

“There’ll be cameras and some reporters, you’ll be recognised.”

“Recognised as being the proudest guy in the room? I think I can work with that.” Kent grinned.

“But I lied to you.”

“When? I don’t remember you ever lying to me, I knew you lived in an apartment I couldn’t even imagine affording, I knew you’d worked in the bar to make friends your age and that you’d given it up after the incident with Marcia, if anyone should feel bad about this it’s me for being too self obsessed to ask!”

Kent laughed and Charlotte joined him, “so you still want to come?”

“Yup,” he turned their hands over so they could hold hands properly, “I do need to know two things though.”

“On yeah, what are they?” She smiled warmly at him and rested back against her seat.

“I need to know about your business so I don’t embarrass you by being numb around your employees and,” He leaned closer so that he could whisper the last into her ear without the driver hearing him, “I need to know just how rich you are”

Charlotte laughed, a real laugh that made Kent relax after the awkwardness, and tapped his cheek playfully as she whispered back, “richer than the NHL will make you.”

 

-+-

 

‘Business leader of the year, Charlotte James 23, attends awards ceremony with Aces rookie alternate, Kent Parson 18, by her side.’

 

The headline from some gossip website, and the accompanying photographs, one of Charlotte in a beautiful full length midnight blue dress, with sparkles on the skirt that matched the diamonds around her neck, holding her award and standing next to Kent in his black tuxedo, her beautiful black heels making her a whole head taller than him, and the other of Kent sat at the table with her staff, smiling proudly as Charlotte stood to collect her award, jumped at him from his phone screen under the message from Jack.

_I guess I should have known she was tall and rich. ;-)_

And three thoughts shot through his head almost simultaneously. 1) Shit he thinks I’m cheating on him, 2) I shouldn’t be having fun without him and 3) what do I do if my team sees that?

The first two thoughts instantly made him laugh and want to slap himself around the head, hard, but thought number three had him pressing the call button next to Jack’s name and praying that he’d pick up.

It took less than one ring before Jack was breathing rapidly saying “Kenny I’m sorry,” in his ear, “I didn’t mean it.”

“Didn’t mean what?” Kent asked confused, “what are you saying sorry for?” 

“I shouldn’t have,” Jack’s breathing was erratic now.

Kent shook his head as if that would somehow clear away his confusion or make Jack make sense but when it didn’t work he pulled the phone away from his ear and read over the message again suddenly seeing what Jack was talking about and he huffed a laughed as he put the phone back to his ear.

“You’re an idiot Zimms” Jack’s continued babble of apology stopped and his breathing got even more erratic. “I thought she was a cocktail waitress in a casino until her chauffeur knocked on my door last night, also not dating her, we both like boys, often the same ones.” He laughed but Jack still didn’t respond and his breathing hadn’t slowed any and Kent completely regretted making the call, he wanted advice from his best friend not Jack beating himself up about a totally innocent chirp that, had Kent replied to by text, he would probably not have argued with and he certainly didn’t want to be the cause of a panic attack.

Switching his phone to speaker so that he could move it from his ear he started to count, “in one two three out two three four, in one two three out two three four,” rhythmically as he tapped out a reply to Jack’s message, _‘tall, rich, gorgeous and friendly is obviously my type ;-)’_. He tapped send and listened for the text alert at the other end of the phone before he wrote another, all the time still counting and listening to Jack’s breathing as it calmed slightly as he tried to match the count. _‘I laughed at your message, I love that we can joke like that together now, I’m sorry I panicked you by calling. I called to ask your advice about something that happened last night because you were the only person I thought might be able to help me. I’ll cut the call if you want or I’ll sit here until you cut it if you don’t want to talk right now. I love you Zimms, always xx._

Hitting send and waiting for the text alert on Jack’s phone to beep again Kent kept counting until he heard the buzz and then spoke quietly. “Read your texts Zimms” 

There was silence for longer than Kent was really comfortable with but then his phone beeped for an incoming message and ‘Zimms’ flashed up on the screen. _I need to shower; I’ll call you back once I’ve done. LY. And a few seconds later just as the phone call died Thank you for counting, I promise I’ll call back when I can._

_Okay xx_

Was all Kent sent back and then he turned the ringer volume up to full and ran for the bathroom to have the quickest shower of his life.

 

Jaydar sat down on the bike next to Kent, bringing his speed up to match Kent’s in only a few seconds which, if Kent had been paying much attention, would have had him speeding up because that was the kind of competitive idiot he was but with his still silent phone gripped in his left hand on the handlebars he didn’t even notice he’d got company until Jaydar spoke and startled him enough to make him drop his phone. “You ok Parse?”

“Fuck off will ya,” he jumped down from the bike, scooping up his phone and unlocking the screen to check it was still working. 

Jaydar shook his head and rolled his eyes, “I’ll take that as a no.” and he tucked his head down over the bike, increasing his speed further, concentrating on getting warmed up for morning skate.

It was two hours since Jack had put the phone down on Kent, two hours since he’d text that he’d call back after his shower because he wasn’t able to say the words through his panic and Kent had no idea what to do with the stress and anger he was feeling about that and the bubble of panic that was growing in his chest.

 

It turned out that skating, shooting, checking, and dropping his glove on his own team mates was what Kent was going to do with his stress about Jack and that’s why, only forty minutes into their ninety minute morning skate, Kent had Cap’s hand on one shoulder and Dav’s arm around his waist as he was bodily dragged away from a fight he’d just picked with the entire fourth line that no one had any clue of the reason for.

“What the hell is going on Parser,” Dav hadn’t let him go and they’d taken him into a room that was little more than a cupboard, just a few steps from the ice.

“Get off me!” He struggled hard but Dav held on tighter.

“I can’t kid; you’ll get hurt if I do.”

For half a second Kent considered kicking his skate back into Dav’s leg, he was padded up so it wouldn’t be too dangerous but it would probably hurt enough to make him let go. The thought left his brain as quickly as it came but the shock it caused Kent that he’d even think it deflated all his anger and he suddenly sagged over Dav’s arm like a ragdoll, held up from the ground only by Dav’s tight grip.

“Seriously Parse,” despite never letting go Dav managed to turn Kent around until he had him held in something that looked more like a post goal hug than a restraining hold, “What the hell is going on? I’ve never seen you like this kid.”

Kent didn’t say anything he just leant on Dav, breathing erratic and hid his head against his chest.

“I’m just,” Cap quirked a thumb towards the door in an ‘I’m going to get someone’ kind of a way and Kent felt Dav’s nod of agreement although he didn’t actually speak until Cap had gone and they were on their own. 

“Listen Kid,” Dav wasn’t quite old enough to be Kent’s dad but he was a long way closer to it than most of the lads on the team and he had two kids at home who were heading towards their teenage years so he was a little practiced at dealing with out of control feelings and Kent respected that enough to let him assume his dad voice without it riling him up again. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong, and you don’t have to tell me, but I won’t let go of you until I know you’ve got a plan.” Dav’s free arm, the one that wasn’t holding Kent just a little tighter than necessary in order to prevent him trying to get away, moved to Kent’s back and began circling slowly between his shoulder blades and Kent couldn’t keep it in anymore. He just wrapped his arms around Dav scrunching his hands tightly into the back of His training jersey and cried against his chest. 

Dav continued to hold him tightly, rubbing his back, and the only movement he made was to walk them both towards the door so the he could lean on it and stop them being disturbed.

Knock, knock, knock

The door pushed into Dav’s back but it didn’t open more than an inch, “Give us a second Cap,” he shouted through it as Kent looked up at him in panic, desperately wiping his eyes with the cuff if his jersey, “We’ll be out in a minute.” 

He let go of his hold on Kent when he made to stand up and pulled a box of tissues off a shelf, handing then to him with a smile, gesturing to him to clean up his face. 

“I need to come in Dav, I brought Swoops, he’s worried about Kent, he’s usually best with him.”

Dav grinned at Kent as he blushed and shook his head in embarrassment. “Call in the minder to deal with the fuck up! He’s going to kill me!”

“He’s not,” Dav smiled at him and gripped his shoulder with his warm hand, “he’s going to take you home and help you work this shit out because we’ve a game tonight and we need you fit and ready and you’re not right now.”

Kent looked at Dav, really looking at him, trying to read his face and see what he saw there and then, because this was someone he trusted but whose care and good opinion he didn’t rely on, he said. “I rang Jack this morning for advice on something I can’t talk to anyone here about and I caused him to have a panic attack. He said he’d ring back once he’d had a shower and calmed down but its three hours now and he hasn’t. He might be dead on the bathroom floor because I’m not there to find him this time.”

Dav went white, whiter than any away game jersey a team had worn on their ice this season, and gulped hard. “Shit! You found him?”

Kent nodded, “yup,” and then looked away again, “I’m not there to find him now though.”

“Where’s he living?” Dav stepped away from the door, wrapping his arm around Kent’s shoulder as he pulled it open and barrelled them both through the small group of players and coaches who were stood there and straight towards the locker room.

“Boston” Kent said when he broke through his confusion at the sudden movement, “he works in a book shop there and he’s coaching a peewee team and doing some college stuff”

“Peewee,” Dav latched onto that like it was the answer to everything, “Ok,” he pushed the locker room door open, walking through quickly, ignoring the looks from the rest of the team who had clearly abandoned their skate not long after Kent had been carted away. “Grab your phone” he pushed Kent towards his stall and then pulled his phone from the top of his bag and a reached in further to remove something else before he grabbed Kent’s arm and pulled him back out of the room and away down the hall to the bench, pushing him through the gate and onto the now clear ice.

Kent skated around in circles for a few moments, letting his tension and confusion go, as the ice sang beneath his skate and then he came to a stop in front of Dav who was scrolling through something on a phone that Kent had never seen before and he looked up at him with questioning eyebrows.

“You don’t think I’m stupid enough to risk that lot stealing my actual phone and texting someone who matters do you?” He grinned and winked and Kent laughed.

“Good plan, I promise I won’t tell.” 

“You tell and I’ll send them the link to the toy-boy article I was reading this morning.”

Kent skated backwards as if he’d been punched in the chest and Dav hit himself hard on the forehead with his hand, “That’s what you rang him about right?”

Kent nodded just slightly but then clarified “Not about me and Charlotte though, just something that happened.”

“And you can’t talk to me about it? Or Swoops? Or?” He continued scrolling through his phone without looking up.

“It’s not about me so no I can’t or I’d be doing something I could never do to someone. I thought Jack would have ideas but instead he thought I’d called to shout at him for a stupid chirp that I hadn’t even noticed. 

“Chirp about the article?” Dav didn’t look up from his scrolling but he sounded rather curious.

“Yeah, he text me the link with a comment about me liking them tall and rich and I didn’t even notice, I just panicked that someone here might have seen the article but he thought I was calling because I was cross or because he shouldn’t have made the joke and.” Kent stopped talking scrubbing his hand over his face and skating backwards in a figure of eight so he wasn’t looking at Dav. “I talk too much!”

“More like not enough Kid,” Dav reached for his shoulder and squeezed it hard. 

 

“The joy of our weird life,” Dav started as he pulled on Kent’s shoulder just slightly to turn him to face him. “Is that we know people all over the country and they’re all as mad as us so they take odd requests well.”

He lifted the phone to his ear without letting go of Kent’s shoulder and pulled him closer so he could hear the voice on the other end.

“Danus,” Dav almost shouted into the phone, “I need your help.”

“Help? You think I’m help you? You enemy this week!” The voice on the phone laughed and Kent’s stomach turned as he realised just how stupid he was, they were playing the Bruins on Wednesday, and taking an extra day in town on Thursday before they flew into New York for back to back Rangers and Islanders so he could have spoken to Jack in person in a few days rather than freaking him out over the phone not that that was likely to happen now.

“Only on the ice Danus, in your heart you know you love me,”

“Always Davsy always. What I do? Need stay after game?”

“No thanks, hotels sorted. You know Zimmermann right? Jack?”

“Bad Bob’s son?” Danus asked and Kent’s legs made to move him away from the call but Dav held on tight and looked at him in confusion.

“Er… yeah. You know what he looks like?”

“Maybe, what reason?” Danus was sounding confused now and Kent wondered how long Dav had known him and if they’d ever had a weirder conversation than this one.

“I’m going to drop you two addresses, one for a rink where his peewee team train and another for a bookshop and coffee shop place where he’s working.”

“You’re what?” Danus interrupted, “I confused, my English not understanding, Zimmermann make coffee? In Boston?”

“Honestly Danus, I don’t totally understand right now but I need you to go to these places and see if he’s there and call me when you’ve had eyes on him. Don’t talk to him or anything just let me know he’s there and ali,” Dav stopped seeing the sudden panic in Kent’s eyes at someone else suggesting that alive was a thing that they needed to make sure of. “And ok will you?”

“You owe me goal for being weird?” Danus said with a smile clear in his voice.

“No goal, but I’ll buy you vodka after we beat you.”

“If I not think this so important I refuse to help now but no, I ring when see him.”

Danus’ phone beeped at the other end of the line as Dav sent through the locations and there was a pause for a moment before Danus spoke again, “I have car will be maybe forty minutes or just twenty, depends if at first.”

“Thanks Danus, I promise good vodka.”

“Russian, only Russian.”

Dav laughed and agreed and then put the phone down and looked at Kent. “We just have to wait now so what are we going to do until he calls?”

They stood for a second and then Kent ducked his head down looking at his skates, “I’m going to skate, get my head in gear for tonight.”

Dav smiled and nodded at him, “Good plan Kid,” and then he nodded just slightly over Kent’s shoulder towards the tunnel to the locker room and Kent turned to look seeing the rest of the Aces milling around in an awkward group near the gate, “you want to invite that lot to join you?”

Kent hated that he suddenly felt so very insecure, “do you think they will? I’ve been a twat this morning.”

“Do I think that your team will want to get on the ice with you and have fun before we all go home to get ready for the game? Erm…well, I think they’d prefer that than going into a game having had their practice cut short by having their rookie A dragged from the ice by their Captain before he inflicted upper body injuries on an entire line of their offense.”

“Fuck you,” Kent said, half joking and half feeling like a complete idiot.

“Not today,” Dav winked and turned to skate away down the ice as he nodded back to the bench, “You better go ask them, time's ticking”

 

Danus rang back about thirty five minutes later, sending Dav a photo of Jack, coffee pot in hand, to prove he’d really seen him which Kent was way more grateful for than he thought he’d be, by which time most of the Aces, apart from Chris and Samson, the two older guys on the fourth line who Kent had been dragged away from earlier, had had a go at checking Kent into the boards in response to his earlier behaviour or had suggested forfeits that he should undertake should the situation ever occur again and Kent thought that he might just be almost forgiven.

 

-+-

“I want Jack’s phone number.” Swoops said out of nowhere as he drove them home for their pre-game nap and Kent startled slightly.

“You what? Why?”

Swoops didn’t take his eyes off the road but Kent would still have sworn that he was looking at him, “Because whatever’s been wrong today has to do with him, one way of another, and someone should be able to get hold of him when you need him.”

Kent looked at the side of Swoops head for far too long to be anything other than uncomfortable but Swoops didn’t flinch and he didn’t speak again either.

“I want to see him when we’re in Boston but I don’t think he’ll agree now.”

“Why not?”

“he said he’d ring me back four hours ago and he hasn’t” Kent dropped his head into his hands, “He’s gone to work, he’s fine, Dav’s mate, some Russian guy From the Bruins, went to find him, he sent a picture and he looks fine but he hasn’t rung back.”

Kent saw and felt the change in the atmosphere in the car and he felt himself leaning away from Swoops, almost curling into the car door to give as much space between them as possible as they pulled up outside the house.

“I want his number, now!”

Pulling a piece of paper from the glove box and a crayon from the cup holder, where the kids colouring things always seemed to end up, Kent scribbled Jack’s number down and put it down on the dash and then he almost ran from the car, going straight up to his room to sleep.

 

 

“Hello,” Jacks phone had rung seven times before he answered it and with every ring Swoops could feel his anger building and he didn’t quite control it enough when he finally answered.

“Jack fucking Zimmermann, the magical missing man.”

“Who?” Jack stammered “Who is this?”

“This,” Swoops finally took a proper breath and calmed some of the edge off his voice, “Is Jeff, I got your number off Parse.”

“You … er… Hi.”

“You had anyone interesting in the shop today? Anyone you recognised?”

“I … erm… I” Jack stammered into the phone clearly unsure what was going on.

“You mean you never noticed someone coming in and taking pictures of you? A fucking big Russian dude who plays for the Bruins?”

“I saw … erm…” Jack stopped and took a breath, “What’s going on Jeff, what do you want?”

“I want to know.” He said in a singsong voice that made him sound manic as well as angry “Why we had to send a Bruin to put eyes on you rather than you just picking up the bloody phone like you said you would?”

“I … erm… I.” There was silence for a long moment and then he spoke again “I don’t have an excuse Jeff, I’m sorry. Is Kenny ok?”

“I don’t know Jack, you know him better than me, would you consider him dirty checking two of his teammates in practice and dropping his glove on his right winger alright? Or him picking a fight with the entire of the fourth line and having to be dragged from the ice by two guys Okay? You tell me, you’re the one who’s supposed to love the bones of him. What do you think?”

There was a clatter at the other end of the phone as if something had been dropped and then a voice shouting something, clearly at Jack who mumbled something back and then all sound disappeared for long enough for Swoops to pull his phone from his ear to check that the line hadn’t been disconnected before Jack spoke again.

“I should have called, or text at least, I just felt.” Jack’s breathing was audible and that didn’t seem like a good thing to Swoops. “I felt stupid!”

“Take a breath Jack, just breathe deeply and relax for me, I’m sorry for shouting I just… I just worry about him, and about you,” he added quickly because he knew that it was true but he wasn’t sure that Jack did. “What happened when he rang you?”

“I thought he was cross with me, he doesn’t ring in a morning, we just text, so I thought he’d only rung to shout at me about something I’d sent him and then when he didn’t I felt stupid for thinking he would and then after we’d put the phone down I was too embarrassed to ring back because, well, because”

“Because what Jack! You can tell me, tell me anything you know that.”

Jack took a deep breath and launched into the speech as if he was terrified that the words would get stuck if he said them too slowly. “Because I was jealous about the pictures in the paper, I didn’t mean to be but I was and that’s stupid because I did this to us, to him, I made him go and I know we’ve agreed that we can’t be together and that that is the right thing to do but I was still sad to see him in the paper with Charlie, I’m sorry Jeff, I’m sorry I hurt him again.”

“Jack sweetheart,” Swoops voice lightened and left his mouth with all the care and love it did when he spoke with Maisie and sarah when they were upset, “you’re allowed to find this hard kid, it is hard, but what you can’t do, ever again, is leave Kent worrying that he’s not there to find you this time.”

“Shit I…” Jack stopped, the horror clear in his voice.

“I know you didn’t mean to Jack but you have to try and remember that what happened happened to both of you and you’ve got to take some responsibility for helping him deal with it and one of those things that you have to do, however hard it is for you, is call when you say you will.”

“He thought I might have … I am so not good enough to be his friend! I’ve hurt him so much Jeff.”

“He thinks you’re good enough to be the only person who can help him with a problem which is why he rang you this morning, he wouldn’t tell Dav what it is and says he can’t discuss it with anyone here.”

“And I,” Jack started but Swoops cut him off.

“You didn’t know what he was ringing for, you panicked, you fucked up bad and now you can decide what to do next. Are you the friend he thinks you are Jack? That’s the only question. If you are then you end this call now, ring him and apologise and wish him good luck for tonight.”

“You’re playing Boston on Wednesday aren’t you?” 

“We are yeah, why?” Swoops felt his heart start to speed up slightly as he hoped Jack was going to say the right thing.

“Are you staying before or for the off day or flying in and then out to New York after the game?”

Swoops smiled widely and he knew it could be heard in his voice. “We’re staying in Boston two nights, flying in the evening. Why?”

“Do you think he’d come see me? If I asked?” The insecure whisper of Jack’s voice made Swoops want to reach through the phone and hug him tightly but instead he just replied confidently.

“You ring him now, apologise and ask him and then we can have our fully functioning alternate back for tonight’s game ok?”

“I’ll do that,” Jack suddenly sounded much happier, “before I go though, do you have a pen?”

“I have a crayon,” jeff laughed as he reached for the paper and crayon Kent had used to write down Jack’s number, “why?”

“I wanted to give you a phone number, I’ve moved into a flat share with the hockey guy I was talking about at Christmas, it’s cheaper and it’s good not to be on my own.”

“That’s brilliant kid, really good.”

“Yeah well, he’s great and puts up with my shit and I put up with his which is, well I’ll warn Kenny about him if he says yes to coming over, but I thought, if you wanted, then I’d give you his number. I’ll give it to Kenny too, and maybe I could give him yours and then.” Jack paused, clearly not sure if this was coming out the way he intended it to. “If I fuck up again you can get in touch with him rather than having to call in the Bruins”

“And if Parse fucks up with you your mate can get in touch with me? It’s not a one way street Jack.”

“Well yeah, and I’ve got your number now so if I need to I can call you.”

“Any time Jack and not just if you need me, you really can call any time or drop in if you happen to be flying by.” They both laughed at that but Swoops hoped Jack knew he was sincere.

“Right then, what’s the guy’s name,”

“Erm.” Jack stumbled for a second.

“Seriously Jack, this was your idea, I have to know what to call him in my contacts.”

“Knight, just call him that.”

“Like in shining armour?” Swoops asked with a laugh which faded when Jack said

“Yeah, like that and then reeled off the number”

Swoops checked the number though once before Jack quickly ended the call to ring Kent so he saved the number in his phone, and saved Jack’s as well, and then made his way into the house, heading up to bed for his nap.


	10. Chapter 10

Two defeats in three days, with the whole team having to rely on the third and fourth line for any useful offence, did nothing for the mood of some members of the team towards Kent. 

He’d tried, he knew he’d fucked up and it was his job to try and fix it but whereas half the team had taken his apology and accepted it, and Tater, Swoops, Dav, Cap, Miller and Jaric had told him he didn’t even need to apologise as they all messed up sometimes, a few of the team seemed to feel differently and it was getting out of hand so Kent took the opportunity of the late arrival of the bus to approach Samson and Chris, two of the guys that he’d been pulled away from fighting when he had his meltdown, who were stood in a quiet corner, leaning against the wall waiting for its arrival.

Kent walked up to them, shoulders hunched and head dipped a little, heart beating hard in his chest. “Can we, erm, can we talk.”

“Why?” Chris asked, not even looking at him and Samson looked away from Kent, dropping his eyes to the floor.

“Because things are awkward and it’s affecting the team.”

“Look Parser,” Samson finally lifted his head from looking at the floor, pulled himself up to his full height and met Kent’s eyes with a cold stare as he whispered viciously, “I get that you don’t like me, I get that whatever you stand up and say in front of the team it’s all talk and fuck all substance. I’m playing well, I’m scoring goals and I’m doing my job. If you find it awkward than just keep away and focus on your own game because, let’s be honest Parser, if I was playing as shit as you are right now you’d have taken the fucking excuse to get rid of me and you’d no longer have a problem!”

Kent stopped breathing, his heart was racing, as his eyes went wide and he stared at Samson, no clue what was going on, what to do or what to say until a sudden moment of realisation struck him and his mouth dropping open as the answer to the problem he’d wanted to discuss with Jack stared right back at him.

 

-+-

“I thought you were gay?” The words were slurred slightly but if he was honest Kent couldn’t expect much else from the man he’d been seated next to for dinner given that he’d been palming his complimentary wine and champagne off on him for over two hours already.

“You did?” He asked as calmly as he could and turned to face, Jason, possibly, if he was remembering correctly from when Charlotte introduced him to everyone, and he tried to smile despite the stone that had just landed in his stomach. “Why did you think that?”

“That speech you gave in the locker room, I just assumed, I guess I was wrong.”

“The what?” Kent tried but failed to keep his voice calm and he reached for his drink with a shaky hand. As he brought the glass slowly to his mouth, almost spilling it over the side due to shaking, Kent felt a sudden warmth on his arm and a weight against his back as Charlotte leaned against him and he turned his head to the right, leaning back into her, and tried to calm his fear and his anger.

“Is there a problem here gentlemen?” The tone of voice was one Kent had never heard from her before but Jason clearly had because he sat up straighter, as if at his desk, and looked at her before looking back at Kent, 

“Sorry.”

“It’s … erm…I.” Kent stammered and Charlie got out of her chair and walked around Kent until she was between his chair and Jason’s, where she crouched down, leaning in close and speaking quietly.

“Do we need to get out of here? Do you two need to talk?”

“No.” Kent and Jason spoke at the same time,

“All I need,” Kent continued sharply, through gritted teeth, “is to know why you,” he turned to look at Charlotte, “Have been telling your employees about what goes on in my locker room? I thought I could trust you.”

“You can” 

“She didn’t” 

Charlotte and Jason spoke at the same time and stopped at the same time and Kent sat, looking between them, watching and waiting for whoever was going to explain.

“I” Jason started and then he dropped his head onto the table banging his forehead twice, making his cutlery jump, and then he looked up at Kent, looking like he was about to be sick, and whispered “I live with someone who works for the Aces.”

“Okay,” Kent said slowly and Charlotte stood up, squeezed both their shoulders in reassurance, and then moved back to her chair, leaving them to talk. “So someone who works for the Aces is telling you what’s being said in the locker room and from something they’ve told you you thought I was gay.” Jason nodded, “I’m guessing you’re not going to tell me the name of the person so I can deal with the privacy breech?”

Jason shook his head, eyes wide in panic, and he swallowed hard, “No, you can’t, it wasn’t like that, it, he.” And then he looked away again, bringing his elbows up onto the table and resting his head in his hands, scratching his fingers through his hair. “He’s going to kill me!”

Kent sipped at his drink, trying to settle his stomach which was threatening to send his dinner back to him, and he cast his mind back to that day in the locker room, looking around the room in his mind and trying to identify who was there, other than his team mates, and eventually the coach, and as hard as he thought about it he couldn’t remember anyone else being there. 

“He?” Kent leant close to Jason, “One of the team?” 

Jason nodded against his hands, fingers pulling at his hair so hard it must have been painful. 

“You thought or you hoped?” Kent asked, reaching out and touching Jason’s hand to stop him hurting himself further. 

“Both, maybe? I don’t know, I’m sorry, I.” Jason babbled and Kent could hear the tears even though he couldn’t see them and his heart broke for him.

“Stand up.” Kent said as he pushed his chair back and got to his feet but all Jason did was flinch away and wipe at his eyes

“Seriously,” Kent put his hand gently on his elbow to encourage him up, “Stand up and come here.”

Reluctantly Jason let himself be pulled to his feet, and Kent felt grateful that he’d remembered right that Jason wasn’t much taller than him, as he wrapped his left arm around his back and brought his right hand up to the nape of his neck, pulling Jason’s head down onto his shoulder where he could whisper in his ear. “It’s ok, don’t panic,” Kent rubbed his hand slowly against Jason’s back, “you don’t have to tell me who he is but I get it okay.”

“He’s going to kill me,” Jason wiped at his eyes again, “I’ve never fucked up like this before, ten years and I fuck up now. He was just … I’m … Shit!”

“He’ll never know unless you tell him, I won’t be telling anyone I was here and the business papers don’t really get in the locker room,”

“I guess,” Jason laughed without much humour, “he’s not thick though, we met at college.”

“Despite assumptions otherwise most hockey players aren’t actually thick but we do concentrate on our strengths and App development and financial management aren’t really that.” Kent laughed.

“Yeah,” Jason nodded against his shoulder, “He’ll still kill me if he finds out I did this.”

Kent rubbed Jason’s back for a minute until he was calmer and they both became aware of the waitresses were doing the rounds with dessert. “You might be right,” Kent smirked and winked when Jason lifted his head and glared at him, “but you might as well enjoy some dessert before he does.” 

 

 

-+-

 

Kent took a stride closer to Samson and Chris took the opportunity to scurry away from them both looking confused by what was going on. “I” Kent started in little more than a whisper, unsure who may be approaching them now that Chris had run away, “picked a fight with you, and half the fucking team on Friday because I’d caused my best friend to have a panic attack when I called him for some advice, I didn’t know if he was ok and I couldn’t get across the country to find out.” 

Kent stepped closer, dropping his voice even lower and Samson didn’t move away. “I rang him for advice on something that I couldn’t discuss with anyone here because I would never do that to someone but he thought that I was cross because it was him who made me aware that my presence at an event was not as much of a secret from hockey as I’d promised Jason it would be.”

At the mention of Jason’s name Samson’s face changed from angry to more like panic but Kent continued. “I am sorry that I was a twat on Friday but that had nothing to do with you, it was all me. Everything I have ever said in that locker room I have meant, every single word, and I meant everything I said to Jason too.”

Kent stopped talking and just looked up at Samson, who had a good seven inches on him and, now that he’d finished talking and realised that there was a slight chance he’d got this wrong and Samson wasn’t the guy Jason was talking about, he terrified him just slightly. 

Kent took a breath, watching Samson and waiting for whatever was to come next which turned out to be nothing as Swoops crashed into the back of him, already talking about something, as he wrapped an arm around his shoulder and dragged him away.

“What the fuck Swoops,” 

“You think we need you two fighting right now?”

“We weren’t fighting.” Kent glanced over his shoulder to where Samson was leant back against the wall looking stunned and let himself be pushed up the stairs of the bus. 

 

-+-

“You sure I’m invited?” Tater opened the cab door for Kent and Swoops as he asked the question.

“Totally” Kent clapped him on the shoulder, “He invited the three of us for dinner,” he slipped into the cab, shuffling over to make room for Swoops who took a second to quietly say “He’s staying with Jack after the game” to Tater before he joined him which seemed to end Tater’s reluctance and he grinned as he shut the back door and then settled into the front seat next to the driver.

“Zimmboni good cook Parse?”

“Yeah,” Kent nodded and smiled, “He really is.”

“Good, sick of hotel food, nice to have home cook dinner.”

Swoops and Kent exchanged looks in the back, both feeling slightly guilty for forgetting that Tater was still staying in a hotel rather than settled in his own apartment somewhere or sharing with someone.

“We need to get you settled, we’ll work on it when we get home,” Swoops reached over the seat and gripped his shoulder, “I’m sorry I haven’t done something before now.”

“Not your job, I find somewhere, maybe ask Jenny.”

“Wooooooweeee” Swoops and Kent whooped in unison and Tater blushed so hard it was visible from the backseat

“I meant to help look, her English better, but maybe we see.”

The cab pulled up outside a small house with a bright pink door and they filed out on to the street. Kent payed the driver and then they walked up the path to the door which opened before anyone managed to knock. 

“Zimmboni,” Tater reached out and pulled Jack into a hug as soon as he saw him,

“Hey Tater,” Jack grinned and hugged him back.

“Thanks for the invite,” Swoops offered his hand and Jack shook it firmly before allowing himself to be pulled into a hug, one that he settled into like he really needed it so Swoops held him tight until he let go himself.

“I’m glad you came,” Jack almost whispered into Swoops’ chest before he stood up out of the hold and turned to Kent, who was still waiting for his turn to say hello. 

“We’ll … erm…shall we go in?” Swoops gestured towards the door as he asked Jack and, without turning away from Kent he nodded, “Living room first on the right, make yourselves comfortable,” and Tater and Swoops disappeared leaving Kent and Jack stood on the front steps just looking at each other.

“I’m so sorry Kenny,” Jack stepped towards him, “I promise I’ll never do that to you again, I promise to always call when I say I will and I’ll let you speak before I panic and,” he stepped right up to Kent, moving his hand to the back of Kent’s neck, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as he winked and smiled “and I promise never again to suggest that you have a type.”

Kent laughed and threw himself into Jack’s chest, pulling him close for a hug and then, arms around each other’s shoulders they walked into the house while Kent loudly demanded the grand tour.

 

Baked fish, stir fry vegetables and garlic noodles eaten at a wobbly dining table, sat on two fold out chairs, one bar stool and a box, constituted dinner and it was enjoyed by them all as Jack told stories about his crazy new flatmate, who seemed to have the same understanding of personal boundaries as most hockey players, and Kent, Tater and Swoops filled him in on Aces goings on since Christmas.

Swoops phone alarm rang at nine thirty and Kent shook his head and rolled his eyes at him, “An alarm? A fucking alarm Swoops?”

“Curfew is curfew Parse and, not that I want to point it out or anything, but none of us had noticed we’d been here three hours had we? So if I hadn’t set the alarm we’d have likely still been here in an hour and you’ve caused enough shit with the team this week without breaking curfew.”

“Be grateful for your hotel Tater,” Kent shook his head dramatically as he leant into Jack’s shoulder, “It could be worse, you could be living with this overprotective dick!”

Tater laughed, “Is good for you.”

“I know,” Kent agreed with mock reluctance “and he won’t be here tomorrow” Kent turned his attention to Jack “If I’m still ok to come after the game.”

Jack ducked his head, cheeks blushing as he didn’t quite look at Kent, “it would be great if you still want to stay tomorrow but I was wondering.” 

His voice trailed off and his head dropped so Kent reached for his cheek and crouched down slightly to look him in the eye. “What were you wondering?”

“Well,” Jack looked up through his eyebrows clearly wanting to see Kent’s reaction to whatever he said next while also not sure he wanted to see it, “My housemate has a season ticket for the Bruins and he said I could use it while he’s away, so I thought, if you didn’t mind and if it wouldn’t be a problem, I thought,” 

Jack stopped talking, clearly finding it hard to ask the question and they all waited in silence for a moment before Jeff stepped up behind Jack resting his hand warm between his shoulder blades. “You can do it kid.”

Jack sat up slightly, pushing back into Swoops’ touch, and looked Kent right in the eye. “I wondered if you would mind if I came to watch you play.”

“I, I wouldn’t, that would be.” Kent stood up and pulled Jack up by the hand, “If you want, if you think you can, I’d love that, I’d love to have you there.”

“Brilliant,” Jack grinned, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

-+-

 

“Could we?” Samson was stood, looking uncomfortable, leaning against the wall across from Swoops and Kent’s hotel room door when Kent pulled it open and stepped into the corridor to head down for breakfast and he spoke without really looking at him.

“Could you what?” Swoops came up on Kent’s shoulder and spoke before Kent had chance.

“Erm … its.” Samson took a breath “It doesn’t matter.” And then he pushed himself up from the wall ready to walk away.

“Yes we can,” Kent said quickly and reached out and caught Samson’s elbow for just a second before pulling his hand away again, “my room or yours?” 

“Whichever it is I’m coming with you!” Swoops said as if it wasn’t up for question and Kent saw the momentary panic on Samson’s face before he did his best to cover it.

“You are not!” Kent turned and looked Swoops in the eye and spoke in a way that he rarely did to him even with the A on his chest, “you are going for breakfast.”

Watching Samson out of the corner of his eye Kent waited for Swoops to work things through in his head and he was relieved when he finally nodded, all be it reluctantly, and turned and walked away leaving Kent and Samson stood together in the corridor.

“Yours will be fine,” Samson said once swoops was out of earshot and Kent nodded and let them both into his room where he sat himself down on his bed, gesturing for Samson to take a seat on Swoops’, and then he waited for whatever was to come next.

 

The silence dragged for a long moment as Samson fidgeted with his watch, the cuffs of his jumper and the hem of his shirt while scuffing his shoes against the carpet but Kent knew he couldn’t be the one to start this conversation, this had to start and end where Samson wanted it to not where he thought it should.

Finally Samson took a breath and pulled his shoulders back, sitting up tall and looking Kent in the eye, “Jason and I have been together for almost ten years, he’s never been to the rink, I’ve never met his work mates, no one comes to our house, ever, but we’re happy, have been happy, it doesn’t affect my ability to play hockey.” 

Kent watched as Samson’s face did a dance through fear and sadness to hope and happiness and back to nervous having passed through a hundred other things along the way and he felt his throat tightening up with emotion and his eyes prickling with tears as he tried to work out what the right response was. 

He needed to get it right, this was a massive moment for both of them, and Kent desperately wanted to get it right, to say the right thing, to be the good response he’d let himself dream he might one day receive, but he couldn’t find the words for what he wanted to say so instead, and without really meaning to say it, he stuttered out, “Can I come for dinner?”

Samson’s eyes widened and then he huffed out a laugh and grinned “yes, yes Parse, yeah.”

“Really?” Kent asked carefully, “With you and Jason?”

“Yeah, if you really want to?”

“Brilliant.” Kent felt the muscles of his face stretch as he grinned, full face, at Samson, “let me know when works for you when you’ve spoken to Jason and I’ll be there.”

They sat for a second, Samson learning forwards, elbows on his knees and head resting on his hands, clearly still thinking about something and Kent waiting to see if he was going to say any more, before Samson didn’t quite look up at him and asked quietly “You want to bring someone?”

“This,” Kent said with a smile and leant forward to bump his fist on Samson’s shoulder “is about where this situation began.”

Samson sat up and looked at him quizzically so Kent explained quickly. “Jason was confused by the fact that I attended the awards dinner as Charlotte’s date, he said he thought I was gay because of what I’d said in the locker room and then he had to explain himself because I was angry at Charlotte for the privacy breech.”

“Oh,” Samson shook his head apologetically, “I know the locker room rules, sorry for.”

“Shut up you idiot,” Kent interrupted his apology, “You think Jen doesn’t know what I said or Dav’s girlfriend or Caps or any of the other guys other halves? Jason’s your,” Kent stopped, assessing the next word carefully and then decided it wasn’t his decision to make so he raised his eyebrows questioningly “Boyfriend? Partner? Significant other?” and Samson answer shyly,

“I’d love to call him my boyfriend but partner’s safer, in case I slip or something, it could be a woman.”

“Ok,” Kent nodded in understanding, “Jason’s your partner and you should tell him stuff, and, just to point it out in case you missed it, I was mad at Charlotte because I thought she‘d told Jason which means I really broke the locker room rules because she really isn’t my partner, she probably would like to come for dinner though if Jason doesn’t mind eating with his boss.”

“Ok,” Samson smiled “I’ll talk to Jason when I call after the game and we’ll sort something.”

“Brilliant,” Kent stood up as his stomach made him aware that they really should be at breakfast, and Samson did the same, following him to the door and waiting while he checked that he had his keycard and that the door was locked behind them.

They set off for the breakfast room in companionable silence until Kent suddenly came to a halt just outside the door and looked up at Samson realising that there was something else he needed to tell him. “You’ll have to let me know the answer tomorrow ok?”

“Ok” Samson looked a little confused, they were staying in the same hotel and, with only an afternoon skate tomorrow before their flight, they would normally have been sharing a drink late into the evening with the rest of the team.

“I won’t be here after the game, my boy’s coming to the game and I’m staying with him tonight.”

Samson’s eyes glittered in understanding and he smiled warmly at him. “That’s cool Parse, very cool.”

Kent knew that he wasn’t really telling the truth about the current situation with Jack but he also knew that Samson would get the point and that he really should have confirmed his situation to at least one of them in the two conversations he’d had on the subject and Samson was the one right here.

Kent smiled back and then pulled the door open and they walked into breakfast, Samson’s arm slung around Kent’s shoulder, and headed straight for the buffet table totally ignoring the confused looks and sighs of relief that were being tossed in their direction.

 

-+-

Kent had never really believed in the romance of hockey, if you were on the ice when something good happened then that was because you’d worked hard to make the good thing happen not because something somewhere predetermined that it would be oh so good to have you there for some great story of life reason. His belief, however, shifted slightly eight and a half minutes before the end of period three of a very hard fought Wednesday night game against the Bruins.

The game was tied two each on goals and five a side on penalties with time ticking down. Samson had one goal and Swoops the other, Kent was trying and working hard when on the ice but he still lacked a goal, or even a point, since his training session meltdown and his frustration was clear in his vibrating foot and twitching knee as he sat on the bench waiting for the coaches next call.

With eight forty five left in the period the call came and, having waited for what looked like a gap in play the fourth line headed to the bench, Chris first who was replaced by Swoops and then Jaydar who stepped in as Kent landed his blades on the ice but the Bruins were quicker, moving the puck into the neutral zone before Samson made the bench and Jaric was able to pull Miller back to avoid a too many men penalty as Samson changed course and skated after the puck and then it all happened so quickly.

Samson got a turnover on the blue line and passed it out to Swoops as the three of them rushed the Bruins zone. They took the blue line cleanly, the puck crossing the ice back to Samson’s stick as Kent took up a position in front of the net just in time for a hard pass from Samson that tipped off his stick and went top shelf before crashing down and settling on the ice, clear and calm inside the net.

There was a sudden slow motion silence in Kent’s head as he looked from the puck in the net up at Samson who was grinning widely and moving towards him, arms outstretched, and then the noise came back and Kent felt bodies crash into him from all sides, screaming and cheering and tapping his helmet and for just a second he wondered if this random second, when he and Samson had a rare moment on the ice together was somehow meant to be.

“That was fucking sick!” Kent screamed over the noise. “Great spot on the breakaway!”

Samson just nudged his helmet again with a grin and then they skated off towards the bench for fist bumps and line changes and to skate out the rest of the game.

 

“It’s good to have you back Parse,” Cap clapped him on the shoulder as he walked back into the locker room after the game.

“By which you mean thank fuck I’ve pulled myself together!” He shot back and the room erupted in laughter.

“Well yeah” Cap ruffled his helmet hair, “you couldn’t expect us to carry your lazy ass for too long could you?”

Kent dropped into his stall, right next to Swoops, and leaned down to unlace his skate before the press arrived.

“You’re explaining this to me later,” Swoops muttered as he leant down to do his laces.

“I’m not.” Kent said carefully, he’d never refused to tell Swoops anything and saying no was harder than he expected it to be.

“Why not?” 

“Because I can’t, it’s not simple, I,” Kent looked up from his laces and met Swoops’ eyes. “Do you trust me Jeff?” 

Swoops looked slightly startled at getting his real name but he seemed to get the point, “This is something to do with what you wanted to talk to Jack about yes?”

Kent nodded, “it’s nothing bad and it’s all sorted now and,” Kent sat up a bit straighter and looked Swoops right in the eye, “I sorted it myself without needing Jack’s help.”

Swoops smiled warmly at him and slung his arm around his shoulder pulling him close against his side. “That you did kid,” and after a little pause he added “I’m proud of you.” And Kent ducked his head trying to hide the blush of embarrassment that flared on his cheeks.

“Would have been better if I didn’t meltdown to begin with”

“Don’t,” Swoops pulled him back to looking at him, “you don’t have to be perfect, no one expects that, you’re only a kid Kent, kids fuck up and then they fix it and then they try not to make the same fuck up again while knowing that nine times out of ten they will!” Swoops grinned and laughed and Kent couldn’t help but join him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Kent and Jack alone in a house!

The bright pink door stared at Kent like it was the best and worst thing he had seen in his life as he walked up the path to Jack’s door. It was late so the street was empty and the lights were off in most of the houses in the street but Jack’s living room light and the lights in both front bedrooms were on and it all looked so welcoming and yet so scary.

In billet houses, hotels, his mum’s house, the Zimmermann’s houses and at Swoops and Jen’s there were always other people around, always a reason that they had to be careful or quick or quiet or a reason that they shouldn’t or couldn’t do something, but tonight, behind the door that was still staring at him, there was only Jack and, for reasons that he couldn’t quite place, that worried Kent enough that he’d stopped making progress up the path when the door opened and Jack smiled at him from the step.

“You coming in?” Jack reached out a hand towards Kent, “Or have you run out of energy a few feet short?”

Kent laughed at that and resumed movement up the path crowding Jack back through the door, tossing his bag down in the hall and wrapping his arms around his chest. “I’ve worked hard tonight but I think I can just about make it to your couch.”

“Go on then,” Jack gave him a little shove in the direction of the living room, “I’ll grab some drinks and then you can tell me all about the game.”

“You watched it; you don’t need me to tell you about it.”

Jack stepped closer, leaning down to kiss Kent’s forehead gently “I used to play on the same line as you and the best part of that was listening to you talking about it after.” 

Kent blushed and grinned, “How about I tell you why I rang you on Friday and who I’m having dinner with sometime next week and then I’ll tell you why I’ve been playing like shit and why that goal made me smile quite so much. You’ll like the story I promise.”

“Sounds good Kenny, go sit, I’ll get drinks and I’ll be with you.”

 

Kent was sat crossed legged on the couch, leaning back against the arm when Jack came back with two large mugs of hot chocolate, pink and white marshmallows floating on the top. Having passed one mug over Jack settled at the other end of the couch, mirroring Kent’s position. “Come on then,” he grinned and Kent took a sip of his hot chocolate before resting the cup down on his knee.

“I should have thought that me ringing in the morning would feel odd for you, I was going to wait until you called after work, I really wanted to talk about it with you but then I panicked because of the article you sent over. I thought skate might be weird and then I made it even worse!” Kent laughed painfully and rolled his eyes at himself.

“You know,” Jack took a sip of his drink and raised his eyebrows at Kent, “I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Kent shook his head and grinned, “You know I went to that awards ceremony with Charlie?” It wasn’t really a question but Jack nodded and Kent continued, “I was sat next to a guy who works for her, he was about thirty and he’d come on his own, without a girlfriend.”

Kent noticed Jack’s hand tighten slightly around his mug so he slipped his foot forward across the gap between them, bringing their toes into gentle contact, before he continued with his story trying to ignore the tension. 

“I kept slipping him my wine and champagne and, he had a couple of Charlie’s as well, so he was way more drunk than he’d intended.” Kent ducked his head slightly and took a drink, “I’m going to feel bad about that for a long time!”

Jack relaxed slightly and moved his foot so his toes could stroke gently at Kent’s ankle but said nothing.

“It was just before dessert, who has six course dinners anyway?” Kent raised his eyebrows, eyes sparkling and Jack laughed, knowing Kent’s dislike of fancy dinners. “He suddenly lent into my side and said ‘I thought you were gay’ I swear I nearly died!”

Jack gasped, eyes going wide. “He what” he stuttered out.

“Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction”. Kent laughed and was glad to see Jack relax a little. “Someone had told him about my speech in the locker room and the whole boyfriends and partners thing and he said he’d just assumed.”

“Someone was telling him about what was said in the locker room?” Jack looked angry now, jaw clenched and knuckles white where he held his mug and Kent laughed earning him a glare. “What are you laughing at? Locker room stuff shouldn’t be shared around, who did that?”

“I’m laughing at you mirroring my reaction almost to the letter.” He nudged Jack’s foot with his toes and winked. “I asked him who told him and he claimed he’d be murdered if he told me so I didn’t push it.” 

Jack laughed at that but quickly looked serious again, “How did he know though?”

Kent leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “When you were little would your mum have known if some rookie was mouthing off in the locker room?” 

“Probably, Bob told stories all the time when I was a kid, I don’t know how many were true but he probably told mama real things, all the wives knew things I think. He used to say that you can’t keep secrets from your wife if you want her to stick around in the crazy world of hockey but that’s different, wives need to know what’s going on in order to support the player.”

“It’s not that different” Kent made the statement quietly and then met Jack eyes, raising one eyebrow just slightly as he waited for the moment of realisation and then his face broke out in a smile at the sudden softening of Jack expression and the tentative smile that edged onto his face. 

Seeing the warm, almost hopeful, smile on Jack’s face made Kent want to reach out and touch him so badly that he suddenly needed to use both his hands to support the mug on his knee so that he couldn’t do anything silly with them.

“Wow” There was awe and wonder in Jack’s voice as he struggled for words “wow.”

“Yeah,” Kent huffed out a laugh and released his grip on his mug, “You could say that.” He nodded and smiled as Jack smiled back at him. “They’ve been together ten years, met in college,” Kent nudged Jack’s leg with his foot and waggled his eyebrows at him. “He followed the guy for a couple of trades and now they’re settled and he’s worked wherever they’ve ended up but now he’s settled in a job with Charlie’s company and they seem really happy even though they don’t really do things together.”

“What do you mean, do things together?” The hopeful smile dropped slightly from Jack’s face

“Well,” Kent turned his cup around in his hands, “The guy has never been to the rink, watched a game or met the team and the player hasn’t met the guys workmates, they don’t have people to the house and stuff but they’re happy, they were both clear with that!”

“So you know which player? You’ve spoken to him?” Jack leant forward with interest, leaning his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on one hand, holding his hot chocolate with the other.

“Well,” Kent sighed dramatically and shook his head, “that brings me to the shit show that was the last few days!”

Jack listened intently as Kent explained that he’d called on Friday morning because he needed to talk it thorough with someone and obviously couldn’t tell the team but also for advice on what to do if the player, whose identity he didn’t know, had seen the article. He paled, winced and apologised repeatedly as Kent talked him through the mess that was practice while he waited to know that Jack was ok and Jack continued to listen closely as Kent talked about his inability to score and the continued issues he had with some of the team and then Kent stopped talking. “If I tell you the rest you’ll know who I’m talking about.”

“You don’t need to tell me,” Jack reached out to lay his hand on Kent’s knee and squeezed gently, “You can trust me though, I’ll never tell anyone anything you tell me, I promise.”

“I know,” Kent laid his hand over Jack’s and held it tightly, “It’s just weird, we were always so scared of getting found out, so sure that we couldn’t be us and still play hockey and here’s a guy who’s been doing just that for years and doing it well. It’s big!”

“It is.” Jack squeezed at Kent’s knee again. “It’s huge, but,” Jack looked thoughtful for a moment, “it also isn’t, it’s not like the guy’s changed any just because you know is it?”

“No,” Kent laughed, “he’s not changed at all, not unless you count scoring more goals while I was being a fuck up changing.”

Jack smiled, “that’s just being a team, having each other’s backs and stuff.”

“Yeah,” Kent smiled, “he thought I hated him and he accused me of being all talk and no substance and he was really angry at me and I didn’t even know it was him. I only figured it out as we were getting on the bus yesterday morning but we sorted it and we sealed the deal with that game winning goal.”

Kent grinned wide and Jack laughed, “You can always rely on Hockey to make everything ok!”

“Yeah,” Kent said with a smile and then his face settled into something more serious, “I’m going round for dinner sometime next week, if his partner agrees, they’ve never had anyone round for a meal, never had anyone at their house, I didn’t know what to say when he’d told me everything so I just asked if I could go for dinner!” Kent looked Jack right in the eye, swallowed hard and tried not to let his emotions escape, “Not the awesome response that I sometimes dreamed we might get if we told people but he looked like I’d just said the best thing he’d ever heard.”

Jack leant forward slowly as Kent did the same, seconds dragging into long moments, before their lips met, warm and soft and new despite their past. Jack’s hand moved to cradle at the nape of Kent’s neck and Kent ran his fingers gently along Jack’s jaw, cupping his chin and stroking gently at the soft skin behind his ear as they pulled closer and lost themselves in each other.

Kent laughed at the warmth and joy in Jack’s eyes as they ended the kiss, hands remaining in contact, and a soft blush ran along Jack’s cheek bones “Slightly off script their Zimms,” Kent winked, “not that I’ll ever complain at being kissed by you.”

“Sorry,” Jack ducked his head slightly, looking up at Kent through his lashes, “Maybe I shouldn’t have,”

“Oy,” Kent used his hand, which was still cupping Jack’s cheek, to lift Jack’s head to make him look at him properly. “We kissed, takes two to tango and all that, and who’s to say we shouldn’t if we want to?”

Jack pushed forward just slightly and kissed Kent’s forehead, “I love you Kenny, and I’m so proud of you.”

Kent moved his hand away from Jack and settled back against the sofa arm, “Thanks,” he lifted his mug and drank the rest of the contents before setting the empty mug down on the floor next to him. “I’m proud of you too Zimms, we’re not doing a bad job of this adulating thing are we?”

“Yeah,” Jack laughed and drained his mug, setting it down on the floor before he looked back at Kent nervously, voice shaking as he spoke, “Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer.”

Feeling his heart rate increase suddenly and his skin heat Kent took a deep breath and nodded, not sure he could speak.

“It’s two things really.” Jack shrugged apologetically. “First I wanted to check that you’re sleeping in with me? I can make up the other room if you want, he said he didn’t mind if you slept in his room, but I was hoping we’d not need that?”

“I was hoping to,” Kent nodded as he spoke, “although if that’s weird I can not, I could go back to the hotel if you wanted, if the kiss made it uncomfortable.”

“NO!” It came out sharp and almost panicked. “I want you to stay; I want to cuddle up with you. I want to wake up with you. I want to be us, doing what we want when we happen to be in the same city.” 

Kent smiled hearing his own words quoted back at him, “Then yes, I want to curl up with you.”

“Brilliant,” Jack’s eyes glittered for a second and then he looked down at his knees and spoke a little more quietly, “At Christmas you said you’d had plans if I hadn’t,” he took a breath, “plans for the night before, the last night, our last night.” He stopped talking again, breathing hard and not looking at Kent, “I wondered.” Jack stopped again, taking three slow, deep, steadying breaths, and then he looked up at Kent, meeting his eye, “I wondered if you’d tell me what your plans were”

“You want to know what I’d hoped we might do the night before the draft?” Kent asked slowly, trying to hold the quiver of emotion from his voice and failing badly.

“If … erm… yeah, if you want to tell me. I just thought, well really,” Jack leaned forward and grabbed hold of Kent’s hand where it was now resting in his own lap, “I’d like to know what I missed because of what I did to you.”

“To me?” Kent’s head snapped up and he looked quizzically at Jack, “you did what you did to you not me?”

“I put the pills in my body yeah but I knew I’d not taken too many as long as you found me quickly and I made sure that you did. I did that to you, I made you find me because you were the only person I trusted to ring for help before ringing PR, the only person I knew would want me to survive even if I couldn’t ever play hockey again and the only person I wanted to hold me close if I’d made a mistake and taken too much or waited too long before you found me.”

There were tears running down Jack’s cheeks and Kent could feel matching ones on his own skin.

“What I did to you was unforgivable and yet you’re here, you didn’t know how many pills I’d taken, you didn’t know how long ago I’d taken them and then they took me away from you and just left you there and I didn’t know Pops and your mum were there that was just good luck. I did a terrible thing to you Kenny and I only really realised just how terrible when Jeff called me after I’d not rung you back.”

“Can I … will you …” Kent waved his arms around as if gestures would make up for his inability to speak, “if I?” 

“Yes.” Jack answered quickly and nudged a hand against Kent’s knee, encouraging him to uncross his his legs and drop one foot to the floor, while straightening the other leg along the back of the sofa leaving a space between his thighs just big enough for Jack to turn his body, resting his feet down on the floor, and slide into so that Kent could pull him close against his chest and bring his free leg up to wrap around his waist.

Kent had always thought that there was no way that the arrangement looked as comfortable as it felt but it was much more comfortable than any of their attempts at Jack sitting on Kent’s knee and it allowed Kent to hold him in the way that even big, tall, strong guys sometimes want and the way he really needed to when he couldn’t find the words to explain quite how important Jack was to him. 

“I’d never thought of it like that.” Kent whispered against the crown of Jack’s head as he tucked him under his chin, “I’d never considered that you needed it to be me who found you. I don’t blame you,” he kissed the top of his head gently nuzzling close into his hair, breathing him in. “I can’t help but love that you trusted me, even in your worst moment, I wish I’d saved you before it got that far but I’m glad I got it right in the end.”

“You always got it right,” Jack wrapped his arms around Kent’s torso and rested heavy against his chest, “I just didn’t want to do it any more, the pressure, my parents, the all in hockey, I’d had enough.”

“Yeah,” Kent rubbed his back and smiled against his head, “college will be good for you, this place is good for you.”

“Thank you,” Jack said it quietly and Kent squeezed him slightly for a long moment before he pushed him up to sitting so he could look at him.

“Are you going to be disappointed,” Kent grinned his eyes glittering and his whole body suddenly thrumming with energy, “when I tell you that the plan didn’t involve fucking?”

“No,” Jack’s face lit up as he smiled back at Kent, “I think you made your feelings about a last fuck pretty clear at Christmas.”

“Yep! There’s nothing romantic or sweet about making yourself sad about something you can’t change, we’d have been in different cities now however the day had gone and we’re teenagers, in any thought that we might one day hit the ice together again I always expected you to be with other people along the way even if they weren’t a patch on me.” 

Jack laughed at that and nodded, “so what was the plan?”

“Skating somewhere, eating ice cream, going for a run, watching one of your war films while eating popcorn and chocolate and drinking coffee all night before watching the sun rise somewhere, just the two of us holding each other and enjoying every one of the last seconds we had until we wished each other well and walked into the room to get picked for the show, probably looking like death but sleep could wait until I couldn’t be with you.” Kent said it all with a smile.

“That would have been awesome!” There were tears in Jack’s eyes and a red glow to his cheeks and he opened his mouth, clearly intending to apologise but Kent moved his hand to his cheek, cradling his chin and pressing his thumb against his lips as he shook his head gently and then leaned forward to kiss him gently.

“Do not say sorry,” he whispered against his lips, “don’t ever say sorry again.”

They sat there, looking at each other, touching each other and just breathing each other in for a long time before Jack broke the quiet with a smile, “I have keys to my rink and an alarm clock I could set? We can’t stay up all night, Jeff and Tater would kill me if you went back a wreck, but I could do ice cream and coffee at the shop before you go back to the hotel in the morning?”

“Seriously?” Kent laughed not believing what he was hearing.

“Why not?” There was a gleam of a challenge in Jack’s eyes and Kent was never one to back down from that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am totally beyond anything excited for Year 4!! Tomorrow can't come soon enough :-D


	12. Chapter 12

“You ready?” Kent grinned and waggled his eyebrows at Samson and Jason who were sat together facing him and Charlotte in the back of a limousine, tinted windows and privacy screen giving them a few moments to prepare. “All the cameras will be on us two, we’ve let the press know just how much the company has donated in exchange for the top table and the ‘business leader of the year wanting to sit with her toy boy’ narrative is the one we’re going with so as long as you don’t actually hold hands or kiss on the red carpet you’ll be fine.”

Samson laughed, he knew how much Kent hated the press’ total obsession with that story, and the tension that had been building through the ride dissipated slightly. “I still can’t believe we’re about to do this,” he squeezed Jason’s hand and Jason smiled up at him, “I can’t believe you’re actually going to meet my teammates!”

-+-

 

The house was tiny and it was in a part of town that Kent had visited once when he was helping out with one of Jen’s school programmes and, given that he’d been specifically asked not to write the address down, Kent wasn’t really sure that he was in the right place but he knocked anyway.

Samson had asked him not to wear Aces gear, which he wouldn’t have done anyway because he wasn’t a dick, and he’d asked him not to let anyone else know the address because it wasn’t the one he had registered on his team records, and Kent had begun to wonder if he was causing more upset than joy with this idea but it was too late now.

He knocked hard three times and waited, fidgeting with the box of chocolates he had in his hands, until Samson opened the door just slightly and peeked around the gap cautiously before his face broke into a smile and he pulled the door open properly, gesturing for Kent to come in.

“I brought these.” Kent smirked at Samson as the door clicked shut and he offered the chocolates over, “Rubbish gift I know but I’m only a baby and I didn’t want to answer questions about why I wanted alcohol from anyone I could have asked to buy a bottle for me.”

“I don’t drink any more” A voice shouted from the kitchen, “It leads to my mouth running away with me!” Jason appeared in hall as Samson laughed.

“I hear that it was Parse’s lack of drinking that caused you the problem in the first place babe.” 

“Yeah,” Kent shrugged his shoulders and couldn’t hide his grin “I kind of owe you an apology for that.”

“Not an issue,” Jason approached Kent, arms moving towards him as if he was going in for a hug but then he stopped just short, looking awkward and tension fell as they all looked at each other. “I… erm…” Jason took a step back and ran his hand through his hair, pulling at the nape of his neck, “sorry, I’ll just,” he gestured towards the kitchen and turned to walk away.

“Jason.” Kent reached out and grabbed his elbow, stepping forward to sling his arm around his shoulder and pull him in for a hockey bro hug. “Thanks for inviting me.”

The tension slipped away and Jason smiled as Kent let him go, “He did all the work,” he nodded towards Samson, “he’s been so excited about this.”

“Jay!” Samson tried to sound cross but the smile and the slight blush of his cheeks gave him away. 

“That’s sweet,” Kent said with a wink but then his chest felt tight and he closed his eyes and swallowed hard trying to calm himself and stop his hands sweating and his heart racing. “I’m glad this wasn’t the worst idea in the world, I was worried I’d pushed you into it.”

“Honestly,” Jason reached for Samson’s hand to pull him closer and smiled all the way to his eyes when Samson made no attempt to resist and, in fact, dropped a kiss to the top of his head as he came to his side, “The reason I knew about the locker room thing was because this guy was so excited, he couldn’t stop talking about what you’d said, about the fact that no one argued with you and that most of the shit talk had stopped and he went on and on about you.” Jason mock glared at Kent, “I was almost jealous.”

“Don’t be.” Kent laughed, “He’s really not my type.”

“Oh, yeah, erm.” Jason looked away from Kent, eyes coming to rest on a spot on the wall just past Kent’s left shoulder, “Sorry I didn’t want Charlotte to join us tonight, it just all felt a bit much.”

“What?” Kent furrowed his brow and screwed up his face in confusion and then looked at Samson, “you told him right?”

“No.” Samson shook his head.

“Why not?” 

“Rule one Parse.”

“Rule one? This must be a game I don’t understand! Sorry but I’m confused by why you wouldn’t just tell him about my boy.”

Jason looked straight at Kent, eyes gleaming and teeth showing through his smile, “Rule one of living the none straight life, never out anyone, ever, even if you think they won’t mind.”

“Aahh,” Kent smiled and nodded, “That rule one. That one I do know, for clarity though I’m totally not straight, neither of you are my type and,” Kent turned his head to look at Samson, looking a little apologetic, “I’m not really in a relationship right now, it’s all a bit complicated, but I’m not looking.”

An alarm rang in the kitchen as Samson nodded his understanding and Kent was glad at the distraction from trying to explain everything that was Jack. 

 

“What we having?” Kent asked as Jason turned to walk towards the noise.

Samson slung his arm around Kent’s shoulder and walked up the hall towards the kitchen, “Just pasta, nothing complicated but totally on plan I promise.”

“Cool, I need to learn to cook, I’m spoilt by Jen, she does more for me that my mum used to!”

“That’s because she knows you’re important, we didn’t get first pick just to leave you to fend for yourself you know!”

“They’ve been great, really great, about everything.”

“Everything?” Samson asked, eyes widening slightly, as he pushed Kent towards a chair at the table and sat down opposite him.

“Yeah, everything. They had no issue with me sharing a bed with my boy, or with the girls climbing in with us at Christmas.” Kent stopped talking and scrubbed his hand up through his hair pulling hard at the back of his head and internally cursing himself for being so obvious about who he was talking about.

“Rule two, no names no gossip,” Jason rested his hand on Kent’s shoulder as he put a plate down in front of him and squeezed it slightly in reassurance, “If we’re going to do gay guy night then we have to be able to talk about people but rule one and rule two apply ok?”

“Yeah,” Kent lifted his head and smirked at Jason, “Does the fact that you’ve named it mean I’m going to get invited back?”

“Regular gay guy night with wall to wall rainbows and Britney on full volume is totally going to be our thing now.” Samson said “Do you own some tight shorts and vests or do we need a full on shopping day before our next meeting?” 

Kent looked at Samson, taking in the seriousness of his face and the intense look in his eye and he had no clue how to respond, nothing about Samson or Jason had given him the vibe that this was the way this was going to go and, although he’d only seen the hall and the kitchen, nothing about the house shouted gay.

The silence dragged for a very long moment before Kent heard a muffled noise coming from Jason’s direction and glanced over to find him with one hand clasped over his mouth, eyes sparkling and his chest heaving as he made a desperate attempt to stifle a laugh.

“You bastards!” Kent shook his head slowly and shot a gritted teeth glare at Samson as his face broke out in a wide grin and Jason gave in to his laughter.

“Gotta have a sense of humour Parse, it’s the only way thorough life.” Samson winked and then picked up his fork and dug into his pasta.

 

Kent offered to do the dishes, “even Jen lets me wash up,” and Samson and Jason accepted happily and sat at the table as they all chatted about Jason’s work with Charlotte’s company, their favourite places to eat in Vegas, the quiet places that Jason and Samson dared to go together without looking over their shoulders and about how they met all the way back in college. Kent managed to sneak in one or two questions, or maybe six or seven, about what it was like to play hockey at college and he tried not to focus too hard on the warm feeling of hope for Jack that settled in his chest.

 

With the dishes stacked on the rack to dry Jason flicked on the kettle, “You going to give this guy a tour while I make some coffee?”

“If he wants?” Samson sounded unsure and he looked nervously at Kent who was weirdly eager to do just that.

“If you don’t mind?” He asked carefully, trying to keep the eagerness from his voice, “It’s the kind of shit the lads make us do whenever we visit their houses isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Samson looked down at his hands and started picking at his nails, “I showed them all around my apartment when I had the housewarming a couple of years ago.” 

Kent noticed Jason shaking his head and turning away out of the corner of his eye, “That bloody apartment!”

“Can we not right now?” Samson was still looking at his hands and Kent felt distinctly like he was sat in the middle of a very long running argument.

“Sorry,” Jason turned around and stepped closer to Samson, leaning down to place a gently kiss on the crown of his head, “Go show Kent around our humble abode and I’ll meet you both in the living room when the coffee’s done.”

Samson reached up behind him, cupping his hand around the back of Jason’s neck, and pulled his head down so that he could kiss him gently on the cheek before he got up from the table and waved Kent through the door, towards the stairs

 

The house was small, just two bedroom and a bath room upstairs and a kitchen and living room downstairs, but it felt cosy, happy and totally lived in in the same way that Swoops’ house did but that the almost show home apartments of many of the single guys in the team never quite managed. There were photos on the wall, pictures of family but also pictures of just the two of them, many of which left no question as to the relationship, and Kent couldn’t help staring almost in awe at these guys living in a way that he’d always thought would be impossible as a professional hockey player.

For a second, when Samson told him that there were two bedrooms, Kent had expected to find both rooms looking lived in, and his heart skipped and his stomach gave a weird rippling feeling when Samson opened the door to the master bedroom and its occupancy by two very different people became clear. The right hand bedside table was almost empty, bar a book and a pair of reading glasses while the left hand table was scattered with pens and coins and packets of sweets and had two half-drunk bottles of water stood on it. Kent couldn’t actually guess whose side was which but they clearly didn’t both belong to one man.

The tour concluded in the living room, which was more spacious than Kent had expected with a large sofa along one wall and an arm chair in the corner and more photos of Jason and Samson, including some that were clearly professionally done. 

Jason was sat in the armchair when they walked into the living room, three mugs of hot, black, coffee sat on the coffee table with a carton of milk and a bag of sugar stood next to them and Samson gestured Kent towards the sofa as he turned his back and bent down to the coffee table to pour milk into his mug, “How do you take it?”

There was a beat of silence and then Jason dissolved into giggles in his chair, struggling to catch his breath when Samson looked up, still bent over the coffee table, arse very much pointing in Kent’s direction and looked confused for a fraction of a second before he blushed to the tips of his ears and stood up, spinning around and casting a worried and embarrassed look in Kent’s direction.

“Any way I can get it,” Kent deadpanned and Jason laughed louder, thumping the arm of the chair in a futile attempt to regain his breathing. “I like to switch it up a little you know; variety is the spice of life and all.” Kent grinned and winked and Samson shook his head and rolled his eyes but he couldn’t help joining the laughter.

He stepped towards Jason and slugged him in the shoulder, “You know I didn’t mean that you git, stop embarrassing me in front of my team mate.”

“I’ve waited ten years for the chance, how likely do you think it is I’ll stop now?” Jason’s eyes were glinting with mischief and Kent felt his chest swelling and his stomach dance at the weird happy feeling again as he picked up his mug from the table and moved to the far end of the sofa where he stood, feeling quite uncomfortable, unsure if he should really sit down.

“Should I?” Kent waved his hand between the sofa and the chair, trying to communicate his concerns without finding the words.

“Should you what?” Samson went back to his coffee, adding three spoons of sugar.

“Well…” Kent rubbed the back of his neck and didn’t quite look at anyone, “If I sit in the chair you two can sit together on the sofa? If that’s ... I don’t want….” He gave up trying to finish the sentence and took a drink of his still too hot coffee, gritting his teeth as he swallowed before he spoke again, looking at the floor just in front of Jason’s feet. “I’m a weirdly cuddly person, we always sit together, even at Swoops’ I don’t want to be …” he took another breath, feeling stupid for having started speaking in the first place and not just sitting down like he was told to, “I don’t want me being here to stop you doing what you normally would.”

“Don’t worry about it Parse,” Samson grinned as he picked up his coffee, taking a quick drink, “I’ll be more than comfortable sitting right here.” And he dropped himself down, hard, into Jason’s lap.

“Fuck,” Jason gasped at the sudden weight of a six foot four, two hundred and twenty pound hockey player landing in his lap and Kent nodded knowingly,

“I feel your pain man; it’s tough on us little guys”

Jason nodded at Kent as he snuggled his head under Samson’s arm and in against his side, “The overgrown fuckers are worth it though right?”

“Yeah,” Kent smiled and then sat down and drank his coffee while Jason and Samson shuffled themselves into a more comfortable arrangement, one that put Samson’s weight on the chair between Jason’s legs rather than straight through his none hockey playing thighs.

 

“Do you really snuggle on your teammate’s sofa?” Jason suddenly asked into the quiet room and Kent looked away from the picture above the fire that he’d been considering while he drank his coffee.

“We really do,” Kent nodded and smiled, “He’s not the only one who knows and doesn’t seem to care either.” 

“Really?” The excitement in Jason’s voice was unmistakable but Samson’s reaction was a little less warm.

“Yeah, really, Tater knows and I’m fairly sure Dav and Cap have it sussed, there’s a chance,” Kent looked away from Samson who was looking really uncomfortable now, “that coach knows as well, he might not but he might.”

Samson stood up, slammed his coffee cup down on the table and stalked out of the room with a muttered ‘joy of being the first fucking pick’ and Kent felt his stomach drop into his feet and a cold sweat ran down his spine.

There was silence for a very long moment, Kent reaching to put his cup down on the table and leaning his head down on to his knees, “I’m sorry, really sorry, I didn’t mean… I thought … I shouldn’t have.” Kent stumbled over the words, trying to work out what to say to undo whatever he’d just done that had sent a nice night into a pit of disaster.

“Don’t worry Kent,” Jason shifted forward in his seat leaning closer seemingly looking to reassure him. “He’s talked about telling people a few times but he’s never quite dared because he loves playing but he thinks the Aces could easily find a straight guy to replace him given that he’s only fourth line, he’s never dared risk it.”

“Fuck!” Kent scrubbed at his face with his hands, “the guy is living my dream, playing NHL with the guy he loves by his side, and instead of telling him that, telling him how awesome he is for that, and how much knowing him means to me or telling him how much I hope one day to get somewhere close to where you two are I come here and sit in his home, stare in awe at the photos around here because I’ve never dared take any and start going on about how accepting everyone’s been of me even though I’ve not actually told most of them anything for sure like he shouldn’t be worried about the thing I fear most in the world!” Kent looked up from where he’d been holding his head in his hands, “I’m really sorry” 

“Don’t be” Samson reappeared in the room, half full coffee pot in one hand and the box of chocolates in the other, “it’s not you, it’s me, as the old line goes.” He winked and grinned almost convincingly and Kent tried to mirror it, “things were different ten years ago, maybe I need to move a bit with the times.”

“No you don’t,” Jason and Kent spoke at the same time and then the three of them laughed, all relaxing a bit.

“Seriously,” Kent stood up and tapped Samson’s arm, pulling him to face him and wrapping his arms around him best he could, “don’t change because of my big mouth, you’re amazing.”

Samson hugged him tight and patted his back, “thanks, thanks for fixing the locker room stuff but really thanks for coming here and not being weird about it, we’ve never ever done this before.”

“Does this mean I’ll still get to come back?” Kent tried to sound like it was a joke but he knew that neither Jason nor Samson would miss the hope in his voice.

“Yeah Parse,” Samson ruffled his hair as he released him from the hug, “you’re always welcome here and maybe, if you’re really sure about Swoops, you could bring him with you next time so you can actually bring beer.”

“I’m totally sure about Swoops so if you really want that then I promise we’ll bring the very best beer we can find but I did wonder about another way Jason could at least meet the guys, if that was something you were interested in doing.”

“Okay.” Samson said slowly as he sat down in the other end of the sofa, unwrapped the box of chocolates and offered first pick to Jason, “how would that work?” 

“Well” Kent picked a chocolate from the box when it was offered, slipping it into his mouth before he continued. “You know the charity fundraiser we have to go to in March?” 

Samson nodded and rolled his eyes, “yeah, joy of joys, a bunch of rich people paying to sit next to us at dinner, if it didn’t singlehandedly pay for all the kids summer programmes I’d go sick after the train crash that was last year!”

“Was that the night with that woman?”

“Yeah” Samson physically shuddered and instinctively Kent reached out to touch his shoulder, trying to be supportive, he’d heard enough chirps in the locker room about that night before now to know that it was not a good experience for Samson, “that was not a good night.”

“No,” Jason shook his head, “if you have plans to make this year better Kent we’re all ears.”

“Charlotte says she’ll buy the Golden Aces package table, the arrive in a limo with your favourite player and sit with them for dinner package, if you want her too.”

“She what?” Jason looked confused, “why would she do that?”

“Honestly?” Kent asked raising his eyebrows at Jason and Jason nodded, “because she has lots of money and she likes to spend it on making people happy, especially people who work as hard for her as you do.”

“She’d really do that?” There was a gleam in Jason’s eyes as he asked the question, “She’d really do that just so that we could have dinner with the team?”

“Four guest seats, four players, two limos and a bloody six course dinner followed by ‘mingling.’”

“What do you think?” Jason turned his attention to Samson, “we really don’t have to.”

“We could,” Samson smiled, “it’d be fun and, as long as you picked me as your favourite player,” he winked “I’d be required to keep you close and introduce you to everyone.”

Kent watched them as they sat looking at each other, clearly still communicating even though he could hear nothing out loud, and he couldn’t help the grin that was breaking across his face.

When the silent conversation ended Samson turned his head to look at Kent, “I’ll pay for it; make sure you tell Charlotte to let me know how much it costs.” 

Kent shook his head and huffed out a laugh at the idea and Jason sat forward and patted his hand sympathetically on Samson’s knee, “Good luck with that idea babe,”

“What? I can’t have someone I don’t know spending lots of money for me.”

“She isn’t doing it for you,” they both looked at Kent as he spoke, “She’s doing it for her VP who has been to every dinner and every event alone all the time she’s known him while not actually being alone. This whole thing started with Charlotte inviting me to the awards because she was fed up of going to everything alone, she knows she can’t invite you to any of her events but she can do this and she will not take it well if you try to pay for it. You can say no and she won’t do it at all but if it’s happening she’s paying.”

“She wants to do it for Jason?” 

Kent nodded

“Then yeah, I’m good with that.” He lifted Jason’s hand from his knee up to his lips and kissed it gently, “One thing though,” the smile dropped from Samson’s face and he glared at Jason “no drinking Parse’s alcohol!”

 

-+- 

 

Cameras flashed as Kent stepped out of the car and he smiled and waved at the reporters and the fans before leaning in to take Charlotte’s hand and help her out of the car, kissing her cheek as they stepping away a few feet to make room for Samson and Jason.

There was wild shouting from the fans behind the ropes on the right hand side, waving and trying to get Kent’s attention, while the left was full of reporters and cameras.

“We’ll take the press,” Charlotte leant down to almost whisper in Jason’s ear, “you two take the fans?”

Jason smiled, “we’ll see you in there.” Charlotte kissed his cheek, hiding her face completely from the cameras, 

“Enjoy it.”

“Right you.” Charlotte slipped her hand into Kent’s, weaving their fingers together, and squeezed once, “lets make nice with the press.”

 

“Samson, Mr Samson,” the voice was small as Samson strolled by, a guiding hand resting against Jason’s back as he lead him towards the steps of the building, and he nearly stumbled as Jason stopped walking and turned towards the voice.

“What’s wrong?”

“Someone shouted your name?”

“I doubt it,” Samson laughed, “they’re all here for Parse and the young guys,” He leant closer to Jason’s ear and rubbed his hand over his own chin, hiding his mouth, “you’re the only person in Vegas who’d pick me as their favourite.” He laughed again and gave Jason a nudge and they both began to turn back towards the building.

“Mr Samson,” 

“Seriously, I’m not hearing things,” Jason swung round in the direction of the voice “Look.” He pointed to a little girl in the crowd who was waving a picture and jumping up and down as she shouted Samson’s name again. “Go speak with her.” Jason gave him a nudge, “I’ll wait here.”

“I think not.” Jason’s smile dropped just slightly, “If I’m going you’re coming with me,” Samson winked and then glanced over his shoulder at Kent and Charlotte who were surrounded by cameras and microphones before looking back at Jason with a grin, “The longer we’re out here the longer Parse has to put up with distracting that lot!”

Jason laughed at that and then stood and watched as his boyfriend signed autographs and posed for photos with fans, offering to take pictures for some people who were struggling to catch the right angle for a selfie, and then, because he remembered that he too was supposed to be a star struck fan, he pulled his phone from his pocket and asked the little girl, whose voice had attracted his attention to begin with, if she’d take a picture of him and his favourite player for him which caused her to smile almost as widely as she had when Samson first shook her hand.

“If we stand here?” Samson slung his arm around Jason’s shoulder, leaning close with his head on his shoulder to make good the height difference, “can you get a good shot?”

The little girl laughed and her mum knelt down next to her to help steady the phone, “Say Aces,” the girl shouted and Samson and Jason chorused it back at her as she took multiple pictures until her mum was sure they got a good one.

“Thank you for making my night,” Jason shook her hand and smiled at her as she handed the phone back.

“You’re so lucky,” she said with a blush as she glanced over at Samson.

Jason winked at her and nodded, “The luckiest man in the world.”

 

-+-

 

“I can’t believe you invited me.” Jenny was sat across the table from Charlotte, gazing around the room in wonder as she sipped at a glass of Champagne, “I really can’t believe I’m here.”

Tater slipped his arm around her shoulder and leant into her side, “I glad she invite you, also glad you pick me as favourite.”

“Who else would I pick?” Jenny slipped into Russian, saying something that made Tater blush, and then went back to her Champagne and he left his arm around her shoulder. 

“I know you said you didn’t mind that I was lying to you before but I felt like this would be a thank you for still being my friend after.” Charlotte smiled at Jenny and Kent didn’t resist the urge to reach his arm around her shoulder and puller her into his side, kissing her cheek.

“Was it a big lie?” Chris, who along with Charlotte’s PA Ryan, was making up the table of eight, asked with an eager smile.

“Huge,” Jenny grinned widely at him and Charlotte blushed, “she committed the most awful sin of pretending to be poor so that she could make friends who liked her rather than who liked her money.”

Chris laughed at Jenny and then looked more seriously at Charlotte, quirking a small smile at her as he leant closer to her side a spoke more quietly, “I do that”

“Yeah?” Charlotte turned slightly in her seat and Kent withdrew his arm from her shoulder, moving away from her just slightly.

“Yep, if I like someone I always try to pretend I’m about where I guess they are in financials because people can be funny.”

Jenny laughed, “She was working as a cocktail waitress Chris, actually carrying drinks,”

“Better balance than me,” Kent interjected, “that’s how we made friends to begin with, she saved me from spilling Swoops’ Cosmo everywhere.”

“Swoops drinks Cosmos?” Samson and Chris asked at the same time.

“I drink also.” Tater grinned at the wide eyed looks on the other players at the table, “we all drink same night we meet ladies.”

“You too?” Chris looked at Kent and after a quick glance between Charlotte, Tater and Jenny, to see if any of them would call him out on it if he lied, he nodded, “Yeah all of us, we ended up with an extra when we evicted one girl from the table but Tater polished that off as well.”

“Was first time,” Tater shrugged, “try anything once, try things I like lots.”

“Anything?” Jason asked with a gleam in his eye and Samson elbowed him in the side with a “Jay!” Before he moved away as if he’d just been burnt and knocked into Kent’s arm, sending some of his drink out of his glass and down his arm but Kent pretended nothing had happened and smirked at Jason.

“Pretty much anything yeah, Tater’s not one for saying no and we totally don’t take advantage do we?” Kent elbowed Samson gently, pulling him back into the conversation.

“Never,” he tried to laugh, “that’s why he’s never eaten snails, never drunk homemade pear cider and never skated naked around an opposition rink!”

“Really,” Charlotte, Jason and Ryan were staring wide eyed at Tater, while Kent, Chris, Jenny and Samson tried not to laugh too loudly and Kent considered for a moment just how unprofessional this conversation would have been if they were having it with any other group of paying diners in the room.

“Only live once, live well.” Tater smiled and raised his glass, “to fun!”

“To fun,” they all chorused, raising their glasses and chinking them together with a laugh and Kent tried to avoid the eyes of Jaric and Miller at the next table who were scowling at them, clearly jealous of the fun they were having while they sat either side of a table that seated six gentlemen, well into their sixties, in full suits and bad ties who seemed to be trying to advise them on the best way to invest their salaries.

 

While they waited for dessert Ryan moved into Charlotte’s seat, Kent having pulled him down into it when he’d returned from a bathroom break and Charlotte and Chris were going the other way, and the six of them were discussing the playoff chances of a number of teams in the eastern conference, while not discussing the Aces absence from the reckoning in the western.

“Washington are close, they’ve been trying to get it together for years, maybe this year?” Ryan suggested.

“Bruins,” Tater stated with confidence, “they make playoff, having good run since we beat them.”

Kent laughed, “being beaten by us seems to be good for teams because the Flyers are doing well now too.” 

“The penguins didn’t need to be beaten by us for luck; they’re riding high now, just like we will in a couple of seasons when Parse gets himself in gear properly.” Samson laughed and nudged Kent’s arm with his elbow.

“No pressure Kent,” Jason said seriously, “but he wants a cup before he gets too old.”

“He’ll get one,” Kent smirked and winked at Jason, “next year it’s ours, right guys?” 

“Totally,” Samson and Tater agreed.

 

“What did I miss?” Chris spoke over Kent’s shoulder making him jump and Ryan made to stand up, to allow Charlotte back into her seat, but Kent put his hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“We just decided that we’re having the cup next year before Samson gets too old to lift it!” 

“Hey!” Samson slapped Kent’s thigh hard, “I’m not that old yet, I’m intending to get more than one by riding on your coat tails.”

“You’ve time for two at least Samson, I’m expecting a handful,” Chris joked as he slipped into his seat and Kent grinned at them both before he stood up and turned to talk to Charlotte who was leaning on the back of his chair but he was distracted by a voice behind him before he managed to speak.

“You know him?” Tater asked, “before tonight?”

“Um … Yeah,” Jason sounded calmer than Kent was feeling and Charlotte reached for his hand and held it tight as he resisted the urge to turn around try and do something.

“How long?”

“Erm …” Kent could hear Jason breathing slowly but someone’s chair was jigging against the floor, “We met at college so ten years or so.”

“You never mentioned it,” Ryan cut in before Tater could ask anything else.

“Nah well, no one would have believed me, accountancy nerds don’t generally know hockey players.”

Kent heard both Jason and Samson laugh and slowly breathed out as he smiled at Charlotte, still resisting the urge to turn around.

“You come to games?” Tater went back to his questions, “Not remember seeing you.”

“I’ve never been near until Charlotte invited me tonight.”

“You not watch friend play? Even though he play in same city?”

“No, but then,” Samson laughed at whatever face Jason was now pulling, “he’s never come and watched me balance my accounts either.”

The table dissolved into laughter and Kent finally turned around just in time to see Samson leaning his head down on Jason’s shoulder as he laughed.

“I could get you a ticket,” Samson grinned up at Jason from where he was leant into his side, I get friends and family ones,” his face became a little more serious and the volume of his voice dropped “I’ve never used them before.”

“That would be great,” Jason nudged Samson with his shoulder, encouraging him to sit up as the waitress arrived with the desserts and changed the subject to something a little more comfortable “What we having?” Jason turned to look at Charlotte.

“Some cheesecake and some apple pie, I thought we could argue over it when we knew how full we were from the rest but,” she waved her hand around the group at the table, “it looks like I’m not getting any because my seat’s been pinched.” 

Ryan made another attempt to stand up but Kent put his hand on his shoulder again, pushing him back into the seat and then stepped away from the table a little taking Charlotte with him “Go sit next to Chris.”

Charlotte looked at Kent quizzically, “Why?”

“Because,” Kent leant in and kissed her cheek, “Ryan has been stuck between Jenny and Tater and you and Chris for five courses and he deserves an actual conversation.”

Charlotte blushed, “I haven’t been…”

“Yeah you have, ever since he told you he pretends about his money as well.” Charlotte blush increased and she looked down at her shoes. “Sit with him, talk some more, it’s only for dessert. He clearly likes talking to you and if you want me to, at some point, I can let him know we’re just friends but for now it’s just having fun.”

“I don’t erm…” 

“Stop thinking and go pick a pudding,” Kent gestured towards Chris and Charlotte looked over to find two desserts in the empty space next to him, “He’s likes you” Kent whispered low in her ear and she raised her hand and cuffed him around the back of the head before she stepped away, slipping into the chair next to Chris and taking a spoonful of apple pie.

 

-+-

 

“We can’t win em all,” Coach spoke loudly over the rumble of the dressing room, “But sometimes it’s just our day!” Whoops of joy rang through the room.

“The on ice stars of the game went to Dav for his shut out, Parse for his hattie and Jaric for his three points. Parse” Kent stood up, team star mask in hand, “Who gets star of the room?”

“Could be so many tonight coach, you don’t beat the Pens seven to none without a whole team effort but I’m going for Daws” The room went quiet as everyone looked over at the kid in the corner with his head stuck in his shirt which was half way off as he clearly didn’t expect this. “Emergency call up ends up scoring his first NHL goal against the current leaders and a sweet goal at that! Amazing job and” Kent walked across the room towards Dawson who was still trying to get himself back into his shirt properly, “No pressure on anyone but that’s the kind of shit that’ll win us next year’s cup!”

The room exploded into noise, whistles and shouts, as Kent settled the mask on Daws’ head and pulled him into a hug, slapping his back, “You did good kid.” Kent often wondered how he got away with calling guys three and four years older than him ‘kid’ but he guessed the A on his chest somehow made it work.

“Right,” Coach shouted over the noise, “Great job guys, get showered, get changed, get some sleep and I’ll see you for the optional in the morning.”

Everyone laughed, optional had stopped meaning optional a good few weeks ago now and everyone knew it.

Kent settled himself in the empty stall next to Samson’s as everyone busied themselves with showers and changing. “Did it feel any different?” he asked quietly, “Scoring with him here?” 

“Yeah.” Samson lifted his head from unlacing his skates and gave Kent a look that made his heart expand in his chest, “I didn’t think it would but yeah.”

“I’m glad” Kent bumped their shoulders together, his voice wavering despite his attempts to control it, “Your just such an inspiration you know” he took a deep breath and rubbed the sweat, and maybe a few tears, from his face, “Thank you.”

“I should be the one saying that man.” Samson sat up from his skates and turned in his stall to wrap his arms around Kent, pulling him into a strong arm, not quite, hockey hug.

Kent rested into him for just a second and then slapped his back, bro style, and pushed him away with a grin, “Let me buy you and your man a drink and we’ll call it quits?”

Samson’s breathing and heartrate increased suddenly, his eyes widening and Kent reached out and gripped his shoulder. “Shit! I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, It’s fine, I’m ok,” He didn’t sound fine and his eyes were scanning the room clearly looking to see if anyone was watching but everyone was busy striping gear off and heading towards the shower. Kent would never have said it if anyone would hear, he knew that rule of the none straight hockey lifestyle well enough.

“I was just thinking you two, me, Tater and Swoops and maybe Chris if you wanted because he was at the meal when we set this up? And just to the club we met Charlie and Jenny at the first time, it’s got a VIP bit and it’s quiet early on. I wasn’t suggesting just the three of us or going somewhere more us or telling anyone else, and Tater and Swoops won’t say anything and” 

“Shut up will ya?” Samson elbowed him in the ribs, “you’re drivelling! Let me get a damn word in”

Kent stopped and slowly looked up at him, smiling when he saw the happy look on his face.

“A drink would be good, I’ll ask Chris, you ask the other two and,” the look on his face turned more stern but with an edge of devilment that Kent had seen for him only once, safe in his own home, “if you value your life, don’t let Jay hear you refer to him as my man, he’s the possessive one in this relationship!”


	13. Chapter 13

Kent was up earlier than usual, unable to sleep for reasons that might have had something to do with just being home from a six day roadie or might just have been because sleep hated him, and he opened his bedroom door as quietly as he could so as not to wake the rest of the house, intending to see if changing location to the couch would help with the sleep problem, but he was surprised by Jen, moving slowly down the hall, wrapped in a thick bathrobe despite the heat, and running her hand along the wall as she came towards him.

“Sorry if I woke you.” Kent whispered and Jen startled slightly, checked with her free hand that the robe was fastened around her and then she stood up straighter and smiled warmly at Kent.

“It wasn’t you don’t worry” she stepped slowly towards him down the hall, “I was struggling to sleep and I didn’t want to wake Jeff, I thought I could snuggle up on the couch for a while with some hot milk or something.”

Kent looked at Jen, her tired, almost forced smile, drifting from her face as she rubbed a hand over her back, and he offered her his arm, “May I escort you to the couch then Madam.” He asked with a smile and a comedic posh voice.

Jen seemed to consider the offer more seriously than Kent expected her to and then she linked her arm through his and winked, “What a kind offer dear sir,”

They made their way slowly downstairs, Jen leaning on Kent’s arm more than he’d expected her to, and he settled her on the sofa, pulling the blanket that sat on the back down over her and passing her her book off the coffee table. “I’ll get you a drink, just take a few minutes.” 

“I can do it myse,” Jen’s protests were cut off by a yawn and Kent shook his head and smiled,

“Maybe you can but I’m doing it anyway,” 

“Ok,” she pulled her feet up onto the couch and curled up against the arm, opening her book as Kent wandered away to the kitchen.

 

Opening the fridge to retrieve the milk Kent found himself considering the other contents of the fridge and wondering when they’d moved from fresh, home cooked meals to food service meals and why he hadn’t noticed.

The top two shelves of the fridge were stacked with ready-made salads and boxes of fruit with already portioned, oven ready, meals filling the rest of the space. There were none of the fresh vegetables that had been there when he last looked, which he had to admit was maybe just after Christmas when he was looking for ways to be helpful around the house rather than deal with the fact that Jack wasn’t there anymore and his room, and life, felt strangely empty again.

Pouring the milk into a pan and setting it on the stove to warm Kent returned the bottle to the fridge and leaned against the counter thinking back over the last few months, trying to settle the panic he was feeling about what might be going on with Jen.

At Christmas she’d made dinner, his mum had helped more than anyone else had ever been allowed to but it had seemed comfortable to Kent, especially when they’d all been sent to skate with the kids and the team and leave Laura and Jen to it, and everyone seemed to have enjoyed the meal and the few days break together.

As far as Kent could remember Jen hadn’t attended any on ice family days since he’d turned up but then Sarah and Maisie seemed to have fun with him and Swoops and it gave Jen some very rare time to herself so that was probably quite normal but, thinking about it, Jen hadn’t been out with the other wives or to any team events for months, she couldn’t make most game, even the home ones, because the girls had school in the morning but he couldn’t actually remember the last time she was there and then there was the Valentines dinner disaster.

The milk started to bubble as Kent considered the injury Swoops had suffered the night before the team’s Valentines dinner fundraiser and whether it really had been sufficient for him to be unable to attend. He was bruised, that wasn’t in question, but they’d spent money on his mum’s plane tickets so that she could come and babysit for them which couldn’t have been cheap and Swoops had been talking about the rarity of babysitting only a few days before.

The smell of burning pulled Kent from him own head “fuck!” he muttered to himself when he saw the boiled over milk burning on the hot stove “You’re a fucking idiot Kenny! How are you such an idiot?” He scrubbed hard at his forehead with the heel of his hand “How could you miss something was wrong, again!”

There was enough milk still in the pan to fill Jen’s mug which he did and then he left it on the counter to cool slightly while he punished himself for his idiocy by being an even greater idiot and trying to clean the stove top while it was still burning hot. “Fuck!” he could feel tears prickling at his eyes, his mouth was feeling dry and he needed to get back to the privacy of his room quickly and pull himself together so he grabbed a piece of paper from the pad by the phone and wrote “I messed up I’ll sort it,” on it and put it next the stove, grabbed the mug of now only warm milk to take for Jen and hoped that she would let him pass without speaking because he wasn’t sure he’d control the panic in his chest long enough to escape if she didn’t.

Jen, still curled against the couch arm, wrapped in her bathrobe and looking on the very edge of sleep, took the mug from Kent without even looking up from her book and he almost ran from the room, up the stairs and in through his bedroom door where he closed the door, maybe a little too hard for the time of day, and sank to the floor leaning against it, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his head on them trying to breath slowly and deeply but instead gasping for air as if there was none in his lungs.

 

-+-

_To Zimms: I know you’re probably still sleeping but if you’re up please text me._

Kent phone rang almost instantly, Zimms flashing on the screen, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer, his breathing was still erratic and talking was beyond him right now. When the ringing stopped he tapped out another message, fingers shaking against the buttons.

_To Zimms: Can’t talk, need text sorry_

He waited, going back to counting his breathing, in one two out one in one out one two three in one two out one, he wasn’t getting near to a settled pace and he was beginning to feel slightly light headed.

_Zimms: I’m here Kenny, right here._

Kent read the message over and over in his head, hearing Jack’s voice and slowly matching his breathing to the sound of the phrase in his head and eventually the muscles in his neck and shoulder relaxed slightly and his heartrate slowed just a little.

_To Zimms: I loved you and I missed something was wrong._

He went back to reading Jack’s first message and trying to regulate his breathing as he waited for a reply.

_Zimms: You didn’t ‘miss’ anything sweetheart, I started to hide things from you, you weren’t supposed to see._

“I wasn’t supposed to see,” Kent whispered to himself, breathing in slowly as he read the rest of the message and then repeated the words as he breathed out, “I wasn’t supposed to see.” He repeated the process over a dozen times considering the point carefully as he began to feel more in control of himself.

_To Zimms: did you hide things for me or for you?_

He knew it was almost an unfair question but right now he needed to know, he needed to understand because something was wrong with Jen, he knew it was, and no one had told him about it even though he thought that they trusted him as much and he trusted them and it hurt in a way he didn’t quite understand.

_Zimms: Both I think. I didn’t want to see you upset that I was struggling but also I wanted to be ok, more than I think even you realise, I wanted to be able to do it, I wanted it to work out for both of us and telling you about what was wrong felt like it would make it more real._

Kent read the message a few times, thinking things through and finally feeling his body calm completely, maybe that was it, maybe telling him would make whatever it was seem more real? Or they thought that he wouldn’t cope with it and that would make things worse? It wouldn’t be good for Maisie and Sarah if he lost the plot on top of whatever was going on.

_To Zimms: Thanks for helping me calm down, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I hope work goes ok for you :-)_

_Zimms: Is that it? You ok now? You not going to tell me what’s wrong?_

Kent considered that for a minute, he’d just burst into Jack’s morning, clearly having some sort of panic, and he’d have hated it if Jack had done it to him with no explanation so he couldn’t really leave him hanging not if he expected him not to jump straight on a plane anyway.

_To Zimms: I think there might be something wrong with Jen, I only just noticed something was wrong but thinking about it it’s been wrong for a while, I panicked about having missed something important about someone I care about again. Now I think I’m probably not supposed to know but now I can do something to help maybe._

_Zimms: Wrong? Like badly wrong?_

_To Zimms: I don’t know, honestly, but we’ve no game for a few days and only three left altogether so I’m just gona try and help out more and see if it helps._

_Zimms: If there’s anything I can do let me know, please. Also if you don’t want to leave them to come for the tournament don’t worry at all about it, I understand. I’ll come to you once I’m done with the team, I’ll book a hotel or something._

_To Zimms: Thank you, I promise I’ll let you know if I know anything, I love you._

_Zimms: Love you too Kenny._

 

Kent cradled his phone in his hand and smiled at the last message feeling calm and warm in his chest.

_Zimms: now you’re feeling better can I ring you? Just want to hear your voice you know, and I could do with your advice about one of our plays._

Kent laughed as he read the new message and tapped the call button, standing up from the floor and making his way to sprawl out on the bed as it rang in his ear,

“Hey Kenny.” Jack answered after the third ring.

“Hey Zimms” Kent replied, “Am I going to need a pen?”

 

-+-

 

Jen wasn’t on the sofa when Kent made his way downstairs for breakfast, the stove was clean and the note was missing which Kent thought was probably her doing, and Swoops was busy making cereal and toast and bowls of fruit for the girls who were up and dressed and chatting away about what they were planning to do after school.

“I wondered,” Kent grabbed the jam from the cupboard and moved to the counter next to Swoops to add Jam to Maisie’s toast before he passed it over, “if I could pick the girls up tonight? I could take them to the park or something?” 

The girls quietened at the table, waiting for their dad’s response as Kent looked at him hopefully, “You and Jen could have a bit of time together and I could have some fun with my favourite girls before the seasons over and you’re all so sick of me you send me back to my mum.” He turned and winked at the girls as he said it.

“Please daddy, our friends are always jealous when Kent comes for us.”

“Oh,” Swoops turned towards the girls, waving the butter knife in his hand, “They are, are they? Am I not good enough anymore?”

“Noah’s nanny always blushes when she sees Kent; she just thinks you’re daft!” Maisie said and Kent felt his cheeks heat in embarrassment.

“Well,” Swoops patted Kent’s back just once and then left his hand resting warm against shoulder blade, “I guess I can’t say no and disappoint Noah’s nanny can I?”

“Thanks,” Kent rolled his eyes dramatically but smiled up at Swoops anyway, “you and Jen deserve a break, you’re too good to us kids aren’t they girls?”

“Yes!”

“The best”

Maisie and Sarah agreed at almost the same time and Swoops moved towards them, setting the plate of toast on the table in front of them and kissed them both gently on the foreheads, “I’m very lucky to have you so looking after you is the least I can do.” Swoops turned to look at Kent and said more quietly, “That includes you” and Kent quickly turned back towards the counter to hide the blush of his cheeks and the tears that were suddenly rolling down his cheeks.

He took a moment, finishing spreading the jam, putting the lid on the jar and slipping it back into the cupboard, and only when he was sure his voice was stable did he speak again, smirking at Swoops as he asked about the girls. “Are we dropping the monsters on the way to the rink?” 

“I’m not a monster,” Maisie protested but Sarah just bared her teeth and growled at Kent before they all laughed and Swoops nodded.

“Yeah we’re dropping them off, Jen has some things to do, the teacher said we could drop them slightly early again.”

“Lets get eaten up then,” Kent grinned at the girls and then stuffed a whole piece of toast in his mouth and Swoops shook his head and rolled his eyes dramatically before slapping Kent on the back three times as he choked on some crumbs.

 

-+-

 

“Are you and Jason free after lunch?” Kent was resting against the boards next to Samson watching everyone skating and waiting for their turn for the next skating drill.

“Jay’s at work, he does the old office hours thing remember.” Samson grinned and winked, “I’m free though if I’m not too much of a disappointment without him.” 

Kent bumped his shoulder against Samson’s arm, “No disappointment at all, if Jason would be ok about it.”

“Ok about what?” Samson looked at him quizzically, “me hanging out with my friends without him or me hanging out with you specifically?”

“Well,” Kent started to answer but the blast of a whistle and the call of the coach interrupted the conversation as they both took off across the ice, dodging cones, skating around obstacles and firing pucks at the net before doing the whole course backwards and taking shots at the opposite goal.

Kent was breathing heavily when he crashed back into the boards as Samson glided in next to him looking far less put out by the drill but then he’d probably had some sleep last night.

“Well?” Samson asked picking the conversation up right where they’d left it.

Kent moved as close to Samson as he could and picked up a water bottle, taking a drink and then covering his mouth as he replied, “it is slightly different for me than other guys, it’d be ok if he wasn’t ok with it.”

“You mean,” Samson took the bottle and copied Kent’s stance “like when girls make guys get rid of all their female friends when they start dating?” Samson asked before taking a drink.

Kent nodded, not quite looking at him and once again feeling like he’d just asked a stupid question, something he felt like he did all the time around him.

“Not our thing Parse,” Samson nudged his shoulder and flashed a grin when Kent looked up at him, “we trust each other, it’s the only way this works, I can’t avoid men, I spend much of my life surrounded by them, often naked ones,” he nudged Kent again and they both laughed. “so what do you want me for?”

“I… erm… I.” Kent blushed slightly, looking down and fiddling with the tape on grip of his stick, “I wondered if you’d teach me to cook something.”

“Really?” 

The whistle went again before Kent could answer with anything more than a “Please” over his shoulder as he skated to centre ice to join the power-play group for special team drills while Samson too his place in the PK briefing.

 

Samson’s car was tiny and Kent opened his mouth to chirp him about how big he was, how much money he had and how cheap the car was but stopped just as Samson looked at him, clearly knowing what he was about to say anyway.

“Gotta blend in with where I live Parse and, until Tater and Jenny moved in last week, I’d been spending most of my spare money on the apartment Jay loved do much.”

“Sorry,” Kent looked away from Samson and down at his feet, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Jesus Parse,” Samson slung his arm around Kent’s shoulder, tucked him close to his side and pulled him the rest of the distance to the car, “stop worrying about everything you say to me will you, knowing you has been an improvement on my life at least eighty percent of the time, I can tolerate your stupid mouth for the other twenty ok.”

“You shouldn’t have to though,” Kent all but whispered “I should know better.”

“Get in,” Samson opened the passenger door and then walked round to the driver’s side and said nothing more until they’d left the rink parking lot and were well on their way to his house.

“Can I ask you something,” Samson took the opportunity of being stopped at a red light to glance over at Kent and check that he hadn’t actually fallen asleep.

Kent made his best ‘if you must’ noise without uncurling his body or turning away from looking out of the window and Samson clearly took that as a yes.

“Has anyone ever told you that it’s ok to be gay? Not just that they’re ok with you being but that it is actually ok to be just who you are?”

Kent though hard for a moment before he replied quietly “My mum doesn’t seem to mind and everyone’s ok about Jack, wherever we stayed we always shared a room and stuff, I don’t think mum knew to start with but she’s still ok with me now and.”

“Not minding isn’t the same thing Kent,” Samson cut off Kent’s rambling and, with the use of his first name, stopped him dead in his tracks. “If no one has ever told you then I want to tell you something right now, if that’s ok?” 

Kent made his ‘if you must’ noise again and nodded best he could with his head still resting against the window so he waited until he saw a parking lot on the side of the road just a few yards up the road and then signalled, pulling the car over and turning off the engine before undoing his seat belt and turning in his seat so he could look at Kent.

Kent didn’t move, still curled up against the door looking out of the window.

“Will you look at me Kent,” Samson’s voice was far gentler than normal but something about the tone made Kent do as he was asked despite really not wanting to and Samson smiled at him gently before he started talking.

“When I was little I always knew that I was different from my mates, I thought it was because I was the youngest of five and with four older sisters the house was full of toys and stuff that my friends never played with and my mum worked a lot so we all had to pitch in. My dad taught me to cook and clean and my mum let me push a pram to the shop when I was little even though her friends said she shouldn’t and my dad just laughed at his mates who said that playing with pink things would ‘turn me funny’ I didn’t understand what they meant really but my dad didn’t care so I never thought to ask.”

“My dad hates me.” Kent muttered.

“Then he’s a twat,” Samson said forcefully, “any man who can hate his kid isn’t worth worrying about.” He smiled at Kent, “I hear Pops loves you though so let’s pretend he’s your equivalent in this story yeah?”

“Yeah,” Kent nodded and smiled.

“So,” Samson continued, “when I was about thirteen I went on a sleepover with the rest of the hockey team, we stayed in the rink and had a midnight skate and feast thing. It was co-ed but we weren’t really supposed to mix. One of the boys had brought all these magazines that he’d borrowed from his brother and they were passing them round, looking at all the almost naked women and I didn’t get what was so fascinating. One of the girls had a couple of hockey magazines with her and all the girls were laughing and reading some of the articles and that seemed like so much more fun that I moved over to have a look and they let me join in.”

Kent smiled slightly at Samson as he took a breath before continuing with his story. “Andrea, one of the girls, turned to this picture of a guy with no shirt on and asked me if guys really looked like that under their gear. I swear my face suddenly burnt like the sun,” Kent laughed at that, “and I said I didn’t know, I hadn’t really looked and she laughed, not nastily or anything, and told me to check them out next time we were in the locker room and let her know.”

“Did ya?” Kent asked, curiosity and excitement in his voice.

“I might have,” Samson grinned and winked “but that’s not the point of the story.”

“Sorry” Kent smirked, “I didn’t mean to distract you.”

Samson ignored the smirk he was getting from Kent and went back to his story, “my dad was a bit late coming to pick me up and most of the other kids had gone but Andrea was still there with her mum and when she was leaving she walked past me, tap me on the shoulder and said, ‘don’t forget to check out those guys and let me know’ and I laughed but her mum grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her away with a sharp ‘I don’t want you playing with gay boys’ and I thought I was going to be sick.” 

Kent gasped leaning forward and reaching out to put his hand on Samson’s leg in some form of reassurance but then he pulled away as if he’d just been burnt and banged his head on the window as he crashed back hard. 

Samson didn’t react at all he just kept talking, “My dad, who’d heard everything, shouted ‘I’ll remind him’ in Andrea’s direction and then picked up my bag, put an arm around my shoulder and led me out through the door while Andrea’s mum glared at me. She made Andrea leave the team, I didn’t hear from her again until after I got my first contract, she’d seen it on the news and wrote to the rink.” Samson laughed at the memory, “The letter was fab because it just said ‘I’m still waiting for an answer’ and her address so I knew it was her but the person in the office who opened it had no clue what it was about.”

“Did you see her again?” Kent couldn’t help the curiosity.

“Yeah, you know the two boys in the picture on the wall in the hall?” Kent nodded, “They’re her boys, they come and stay for a week in the summer, apparently we’re their favourite uncles but I suspect parents tell anyone who’s willing to help out over the summer that.” 

He laughed and Kent joined him, “Anyway, back to my story. When we got back home I ran off to me room, upset and confused and sure that my dad was going to be cross or my mum was going to think their friends were right about her sending me funny or something. I was crying and hiding under my bed when my mum and dad finally came upstairs to find me. They just sat on my bed and waited until I appeared and then mum handed me two magazines, one was like the boys had had at the sleepover and the other was a sports magazine like the girls had had. I remember looking at the magazines and then at my mum and just crying.”

The memory was clearly upsetting Samson and Kent wanted to do something but he just didn’t know what he was allowed to do so he held his hands together in his lap and nodded his understanding and, hopefully, his encouragement. 

“My dad gave me a minute and then he reached out and picked me up like I was still a little kid, he sat me on his knee and wrapped one arm around me and his other around my mum before he kissed my forehead and said, ‘In this family you’re welcome to look at either, if you like boys more than girls that’s totally ok with us, all we ever expect of you is that you take care of yourself, that you take care of other people, and that you can be trusted with any heart you are lucky enough to be given.”

Kent felt tears start rolling down his cheeks and Samson reached across and wiped them from his cheek with his thumb, leaving his hand cradling Kent’s cheek. “What you need to hear Kent, what you should have heard from someone years before now, and what you really need to learn to believe is that it doesn’t matter who you love, men or women, all that matters is that you love them well and love yourself just as much. There is no right or wrong in this, you just are who you are and that’s totally fine.”

They sat for a long moment of silence, Kent looking at Samson in wonder and Samson just waiting until eventually Kent took a very deliberate breath and swallowed twice. “It’s always been hidden, not talked about but just there inside. There’s only been Jack and you know how that is.” Kent took another breath and swallowed hard. “I’ve never talked to anyone, no one has ever told me it was ok to be like this it’s just always been a worry about being found out or who I should or shouldn’t tell or what I could and couldn’t say. I don’t know how it’s supposed to work when people know or when I know about someone else which is why I keep asking you stupid questions and touching you or not touching you and never knowing which is right and what’s ok.”

“I don’t mind the questions” Samson smiled, “and they aren’t stupid. Straight people get to learn from watching everyone around them, if me and Jason are the only people you know who think it’s perfectly ok to be you then please god ask us anything and don’t ever be embarrassed about it, we really don’t mind and,” Samson rested his hand more firmly against Kent’s cheek, “touching is fine, you’re not stupid for worrying, you wouldn’t touch a guy’s girlfriend so it makes sense to worry, but I’m your friend not some guys boyfriend and you’re handsy as fuck with the rest of the team, I don’t like being left out!” Samson pouted and then winked and Kent laughed.

“Thanks,” he smiled and felt an odd sense of calm come over him as Samson tapped his cheek gently and then withdrew his hand, “I didn’t know there was a difference between people not minding and them saying that it was ok, that I was ok. It is though; it feels erm ... well erm ...nice to hear you say that.” He moved just slightly in his seat feeling all the tension drain from his body, “Thank you for telling me about your dad, he sounds really nice.”

“He is,” Samson turned back to the wheel and reached for his seat belt. “He’s a photographer you know, does weddings and portraits and stuff.”

“Did he do those pictures?” Kent felt his eyes go wide and a smile take over his face, “All those ones in your house?”

“Every single one, he’s taken some for us every year since college, does it all himself so no one will ever see them.”

“I was so jealous of the pictures when I saw them,” Kent said excitedly as Samson pulled the car out of the parking area, “I don’t have any of me and … I wanted to ask about them but I was asking so many questions I thought that might be pushing it.”

“Always ask, each and every time you have a question just ask it okay? And, if you and Jack or you and anyone ever want pictures done my dad will be right there with his camera as soon as I ask.”

“That might be cool, someday, maybe.” Kent replied with a tentative smile.

“Whenever you’re ready Parse but for now,” Kent sensed a change in tone and was glad of it, “How about you tell me what it is you want to learn to cook then we can call at the store on the way if we need to.”

-+-

 

_To Swoops: Can I sort dinner? I’ve never done it before._

_Swoops: You’re picking the girls up aren’t you?_

_To Swoops: yep, I’m looking forward to that, I just thought I could do dinner when I get back. Give you and Jen a break for once?_

_Swoops: Are you ok Kent? Has something happened I don’t know about? Where are you?_

_To Swoops: I’m fine, I’m at Samson’s, he’s teaching me to cook something, I’m nineteen and never cooked a meal Swoops, that’s not ok, you should chirp me for it not try and talk me out of it! Please let me, I promise not to poison you, we need you for the game ;-)_

_Swoops: out of character worries me Parse but I get what you’re saying and if you’re going to stay with Jack for the cup you probably should be able to cook him a meal better than toast ;-) Jen might not eat it but I’m willing to give it a go :-D you can explain to coach if we need to though!_

_To Swoops: Thanks :-) I promise not to poison you :-D_

 

-+-

“Noah want’s to come to the park, can he come Kent? Please?” Sarah came running out of school and grabbed onto Kent’s trouser leg, tugging on it as she smiled eagerly up at him. “He really wants too, Please.”

“I think,” Kent leaned down and grabbed her under the arms, swinging her up onto his hip, “That Noah will have to ask his daddy or mummy or whoever’s picking him up, I’m not allowed to wander off with other people’s kids, the Aces don’t need the bad press.” Kent winked and Sarah laughed at him and rolled her eyes in a way she’d clearly learnt from her father.

“Can we have ice cream,” Masie asked taking Kent by surprise as she arrived at his side, “it’s really hot today and I’ve worked really hard.”

“You have have you?” Kent crouched down and lifted Maisie up onto his other hip, “well then maybe we can have a little bit, as long as you don’t tell daddy.” 

Maisie looked at him for a second, considering the deal, “I can tell mummy though?”

Kent squeezed her tightly and kissed her gently on the cheek, “You absolutely must tell mummy and tell Daddy too really.” Kent took a breath and willed his eyes to stop watering because his arms were full and he couldn’t hide the sudden emotion that flooded them at the confidence Maisie had that nothing should ever be a secret from her parents “We’re going to have double scoops and sauces and everything to celebrate the fact that you know that I should never have said that.”

“Daddy will be cross if we have lots of sugar before dinner,” Sarah said and Maisie nodded her agreement.

“I’m making dinner today,” Kent blushed with embarrassment at the shocked look on both girls faces at that idea and he knew that he needed to do better, “I won’t get mad as long as you promise to try it and daddy will be proud of you when you tell him why, believe me.”

 

“Mr… erm… are you Mr Par …Mr.”

“Hi,” Kent relaxed his grip on both Maisie and Sarah and they giggled as they slithered down his legs to the floor before he offered his hand to the blushing, stammering young woman who had a small boy on her hip. “I’m Kent not Mr anyone.” He smiled and winked and she smiled shyly back at him.

“Well … erm, hi Kent,” her voice was nervous and Kent wanted to do something to stop that but couldn’t think of anything “Noah” she gestured to the boy on her hip “said you were taking Sarah to the park and he wondered if we could come with you?”

Kent laughed “I don’t own the park,” he winked at Noah who smiled at the joke, “But we’d be really happy to play with you if,” Kent turned a questioning eye to the young woman 

“Claire”

“If Claire doesn’t mind.”

“I don’t,” Claire offered quietly, still blushing, “He always has lots of energy after school, I don’t remember being like that.”

Kent laughed and reached for the girls’ hands as Noah slithered to the floor and took hold of Claire’s, “My mum always claimed that I stole her energy while she was sleeping, I never believed her until I moved in with these monkeys, now I totally do.”

 

The park was quite quiet when they arrived so the children ran off to climb on the giant climbing frame that Kent always wanted to play on with them and Kent and Claire sat either side of a picnic bench, three school bags between them and watched as Sarah and Noah climbed a ladder and crept towards a bridge while Maisie hid under it and jumped out and growled when she heard them walking above her.

“So you live with them?” Claire suddenly asked and Kent nodded,

“They took me in when I got here last summer, they’ll get sick of me eventually and make me get my own place so I’m enjoying the kids while I can.” Kent smiled and Claire laughed. “I have no younger brothers or sisters so I’ve never had an excuse to do kid’s stuff, not since I was one, which I admit isn’t that long ago,” Claire laughed again, “but it’s nice to have an excuse to be daft sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Claire nodded, “Not so much fun at midnight when they’re still going or four in the morning when they’re up again!”

Kent’s eyes widened in horror, “you have to be kidding, he must sleep more than that!”

“Not when his parents are away he doesn’t,” she shook her head, “He misses them and they’re normally only away for a few days at a time and normally they’re not away together but this last week has been a long one and we have another week to go.” She laughed tiredly and dropped her head down on to her folded arms on the table.

For a second Kent wondered if this was why Jen was so tired, maybe it was because the girls didn’t sleep well while he and Swoops were away, and they’d been away quite a lot in the last few weeks, and his concern that Jen might be ill or something settled just a little at that hope.

“So what you need,” Kent leant closer and ran his fingers gently over Claire’s hair, “Is someone to tire him out for you?”

Claire made a noise of agreement without lifting her head and Kent patted her gently, “Stay there.” 

The next hour was filled with laughter and shouting and giggles and screaming as Kent ran around the park chasing three children or being chased by three scary monsters or being wrestled to the ground by three tiny warriors while Claire watched them from the bench, eyes on her charge but body relaxed, clearly needing the break.

“Is it time for ice cream now,” Sarah was led on her back on the floor next to Kent staring up at the sky and breathing hard, “I’m tired.”

“Ice cream?” Noah asked and Kent closed his eyes, screwing them up tight, and rubbed hard at his temples, trying to work out how he could get out of giving Noah sugar without upsetting the girls.

“We need to talk to Claire,” 

All three children were up and running in Claire’s direction before he’d finished speaking so he dragged himself to his feet and ran after them.

“Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream,” the children were all talking at once and Claire was grinning at them. 

“What was that? You want a drink?”

“No! Ice cream.” They chorused 

“Iced tea did you say?”

She winked up at Kent, who was stood behind the children, and smiled like she wasn’t quite so exhausted now and he shrugged apologetically.

“Did Kent promise you girls ice cream?” She looked between the girls and they both nodded, 

“We get two scoops and sauce” they said with a grin, “because we knew not to keep a secret.”

“Wow,” Claire smiled, “Aren’t you clever girls.” They both nodded, “would I be mean if I said Noah could only have one scoop?”

The girls nodded and Noah crossed his arms across his chest and scowled at her.

“What about,” Kent walked around the children and crouched down next to Claire, “If Noah promised to go to bed on time tonight? Could he have a second scoop then?”

“Do you think he could?” Claire addressed Kent while they both watched Noah out of the corner of their eyes.

“I think he can,” Kent gave an exaggerated nod and then all eyes, even the girls, turned to Noah.

“Two scoops with sauce and you’re in bed for eight?” Claire asked and Noah considered for a moment, clearly thinking hard, 

“Can I have a story before?”

“Two if you get in bed really quickly.”

“Okay then.” Noah nodded and reached out his hand to shake on it.

Claire winked at him and shook his hand firmly. “Let’s go get ice cream then.”

 

-+-

_To Samson: I made the pasta [picture of pasta dish, fresh from oven attached] they all ate it. Thank you._

_Samson: we ate the one you made earlier, Jay says it’s better than mine ;-)_

_To Samson: You’re a good teacher :-D are you free again tomorrow, the day after or sometime before the 82nd?_

_Samson: the 82nd! I love that term, I’m stealing it! More cooking lessons? Or something else?_

_To Samson: You can have it this once but 82 won’t be the end next year ;-) Chat and cook? If you don’t mind, please don’t laugh but I’m going to see Jack for his peewee cup thing and I want to cook something for him. I want to show him I can._

_Samson: Not gona laugh kidda. I can do tomorrow, we can both do Sunday and I can do Monday Wednesday and Thursday and Jay could help again on Sunday after the 82nd if you’re not flying until after that?_

_To Samson: I don’t want to take up all your time, just let me know when’s ok, it’s really no big deal I don’t want to take up your time with Jay._

Less than a minute after the message sent Kent’s phone rang, Samson’s name on the screen, and he answered with a laugh, “Hey.”

“Hiya Kent,” That wasn’t Samson’s voice and Kent tensed, standing up and walking across his room, “Thanks for cooking my dinner, it was lovely.”

“Thanks for, erm … it was all Samson really.”

“Sure it was which is why you’re going to need a lot of practice at cooking your dinner for Jack.” Jason laughed at the other end of the line and Kent smiled. “Do you know how many hours I’ve had to put up with my boyfriend being the only person in my house, ever? We’ve had years of just the two of us it’s very unlikely that we’re going to get bored of you any time soon.” Jason laughed again and Kent joined him.

“Okay, but there’s not just me now, Hockey players can be hard to get rid of once you let them in you know, especially when you make such good food.”

“How about a deal?”

“What kind of deal?” Kent laughed nervously,

“How about we teach you to cook something for Jack and then, before you fly out we have our very first dinner party and you do the cooking and then me and Sam can just host?”

“I’ll look hot in just an apron and bow tie.”

“Fucking hell Parse,” Jason coughed out as he nearly chocked laughing.

“Sorry,” Kent knew he didn’t sound sorry, “only kidding.”

“I know, I know,” he laughed, “is that a yes to the cooking?”

“Yeah, that would be great if it’s really ok.”

Jason reassured him that all was fine one last time and then ended the call. 

Taking the phone away from his ear Kent noticed another message had come through while he was talking, this one from a number he didn’t have saved in his phone. The message contained a picture of a small bed, covered in Aces sheets with a tiny head on the pillow with a short message underneath. _You are literally a life saver_

Kent checked the time, only seven fifty, and smiled as he text back, _I had fun :-) I hope he sleeps until morning ;-)_

Kent saved Claire’s number to his phone and laughed as he got a reply _I’m going to bed now just in case he doesn’t ;-)_

_Sleep well,_ he replied before he joined Swoops on the sofa to watch some tape, Jen and the girls already fast asleep in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School summer holidays are upon us so my writing time will all but disappear for the next few weeks to be replaced by madness with my three monkeys :-) 
> 
> see you on the other side


	14. Chapter 14

“What you doing?” Kent smiled as he felt Jack’s chest rest warm against his back and his arm slip around his waist as he put his chin on his shoulder and looking down at the counter covering in flour.

“Making lunch for a hard-working guy, you know any?” Kent turned his head towards Jack and grinned and Jack tightened his arm around him just slightly and laughed.

“I met a few today, should I have brought one home for you?” 

Kent could feel Jack’s breath against his cheek as he spoke and made no attempt to resist the urge to turn and lean into him, tucking his head against his shoulder, “Nah you’re ok,” he lifted his flour covered hand from the counter and reached up to wipe flour into Jack’s hair, “I’ll make do with you.”

“You will will you?” Jack laughed, “That’s good of you.”

“I know,” Kent nodded his head seriously, “I’m good like that.”

“Yeah,” Kent was almost sure he felt a kiss on his head as Jack spoke and his stomach swooped.

Shaking himself he straightening slightly in Jack’s hold, “Go shower, potatoes are in, kebabs are going on now, fruit and salad are on the table and this pie will be ready once we’ve finished the firsts if you let me get it in.” The last thing Kent really wanted was for Jack to release his hold on him and move away and that’s why he knew it really had to happen soon.

“Okay, okay,” Jack tightened his arm again just slightly and then let him go and turned towards the door, “I’ll be back in ten.”

 

-+-

The plane had landed at eight so it had been nearly ten before he’d arrived at Jack’s door and, although time differences should have been on his side, Kent had been just as eager as Jack to collapse side by side in Jack’s bed and sleep the night away before one of them had to be up for work and the other had to action the plan he’d been working on for the last few weeks.

For reasons that Jack claimed were to do with his housemate, who was once again away and not expected back before Kent went back to Vegas, but which Kent was surer came from Jack the house Jack was living in was outside the city, away from anyone who would recognise a hockey player even if he had his team colours on, and with its own shops only walking distance away which, hopefully, meant that Kent could fit in a run before his shopping and still have everything ready for when Jack got home from his shift at lunch time.

Still bruised and a little banged up from the eighty second game of the season, one that meant nothing to either team and had no effect on anything but somehow had ended with two game misconducts for fighting and more penalty minutes than either team had taken in any game all season, Kent had promised himself some rest time while in Boston but the days Jack had to work weren’t the ones he wanted to spend lying around all day. 

Using his phone GPS to track where he was, so he could find his way back, Kent enjoyed exploring the area around the house for almost an hour, covering just over seven miles, before he arrived at the shop. Steak, chicken and tuna as well as peppers, tomatoes, carrots, potatoes and onions filled the rucksack he was carrying on his back while a large bag of salad, a mixed box of fruit, some crusty bread rolls and some ready sliced cheese went in the cloth bag he’d found in the kitchen drawer and his shopping was completed by the two large apples and a tube of blackcurrants that were travelling home in the pockets of his hoody. 

Samson had taught Kent half a dozen hockey player meals and Jason had helped him understand how to adapt his meals to the person eating them. Apparently it was a skill Samson still lacked and was the reason Jason had to spend much more time than he’d have liked at the company gym. That was just one of the many conversations he’d had with the pair of them that had descended into talk of the other ways to burn off extra calories and into Kent leaving quickly without bothering to wait for a ride.

Meat, fish and vegetable kebabs with baked potatoes, alongside salad and fruit to share, gave flexibility for everyone to eat as much or as little as they wanted and he’d made it work for Swoops, Jen and the girls so he was hopeful Jack would like it.

 

-+-

 

“You made this?” Jack asked through a mouthful of steak and Kent blushed slightly and looked away.

“You like?”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded and smiled before taking another bite of his kebab, “It’s amazing.” He chewed and swallowed, “when you said you were learning to cook I thought it’d be the basics not actual real food.”

Kent shuffled uncomfortably in his seat and closed his eyes willing himself to relax so he was able to tell Jack why this was so important to him, something that he’d only really realised when he was two weeks into his culinary training with Samson and they’d been chatting about childhood memories of their mums’ cooking.

Opening his eyes again Kent smiled at Jack who was looking at him in concern “Can I tell you something while you eat? Without you asking questions or interrupting and without you feeling sorry for me?”

Jack put down his cutlery and reached for Kent’s hand where it rested on the table, “You can tell me anything Kenny, I like listening to you.”

“Okay then,” Kent turned his hand over in Jack’s and held tight for a moment as he smiled just slightly at him and then he let go and nodded towards Jack’s plate while spearing a piece of tuna on his own fork.

“I was hungry a lot as a kid,” he put the tuna in his mouth and chewed slowly, “my mum was always hungry; sometimes she only ate my leftovers so I left more for her. Nothing went to waste because we couldn’t afford for it to.” Swallowing the tuna he picked up a piece of steak and kept talking. “My father paid for school and I got fed there but he didn’t give us anything else, he complained I was too skinny when I went on my yearly visit and he’d make me eat all kinds of things I didn’t recognise while I was with him and tell me that I should think myself lucky that he let me try these things when my mum never would.”

Jack was looking down at his plate, seemingly concentrating on his food and Kent knew he wasn’t finding just listening easy.

“James used to bring food over when he came to play, claiming his mum had cooked too much, and Pops took us out for pizza after skating lessons and always had the rest boxed up to take home and they always ended up in my mum’s kitchen, despite her protests.” 

He picked some cherry tomatoes out of the salad bowl and crunched them noisily, earning a quirk of a smile from Jack who looked up from his plate while filling his mouth with a large forkful of potato.

“I didn’t learn to cook as a kid because we didn’t have anything, the emptiness of the kitchen was a secret kept by not having me in there. I got to eighteen without knowing anything about making food because it either turned up or it didn’t and neither was under my control. In billet, in hotels, with you or at your parents, food came or it didn’t and as I got more important to people better food came and more regularly but it was still just food, not something I really engaged with.”

Jack was still making his way through his dinner and seemingly enjoying it and seeing that was enough to encourage Kent to keep talking.

“When I went for dinner with Samson and Jason Samson made a joke about Jen looking after me because I was important, first pick and all that, and he got angry at one point about the fact people were ok about you and me,” Jack looked up sharply at that and opened his mouth as if to speak but then closed it quickly, not interrupting Kent’s story. “joy of being the first pick, or something like that, but it made me think about a lot of things and about things I should have been able to do by now and couldn’t, and cooking was one of those things.”

Kent stopped to cut up his potato and took a bite,

“He taught me far more than how to cook even if that’s what we spent our time doing, knowing him and Jason has changed how I feel about lots of things, about food and people but especially about myself. The first time I cooked dinner for Jeff, Jen and the kids it felt just like the first time I took to the ice, when my mum came up and I cooked for her she cried and apologised for when I was a kid and I told her not to ever apologise because she was the best mum I could have had but that she’d to let me pay for things for her now because I could and I was an adult now. It seems she might not need me to do that though,” Kent raised his eyebrows and looked meaningfully at Jack, “It seems Swoops’ thought that Pops was my dad might not have been too far off the mark”

“Really?” Jack asked with a wide eyed grin “That’s great, she deserves to be happy and he’s been on his own a while since his wife died.”

“Yup,” Kent nodded, “She asked me if I minded her selling the house and moving in with him, I couldn’t have agreed quicker, she’s finally going to be free from that bloody place and she’ll have money in her hand for the first time in her life. Anyway,”

“Sorry,” Jack said quickly, “Not supposed to talk.” He put his finger to his lips and smiled.

“I forgive you,” Kent said seriously as he stabbed the last piece of chicken on his plate and moved it towards his mouth, stopping before he ate it.

“Cooking for you was the most important thing I wanted to do,” he ate the chicken, put his fork down and brought his hands together on the table resting his chin on them, looking Jack right in the eye, “I wanted you to like it, I wanted you to see how much I’ve learnt, how much I’ve grown up, how much I’ve moved forward in Vegas and,” he reached for Jack’s hand, “I wanted you to know how much I care, how much I want to share things with you and how much your opinion matters to me. Food will always be a weird thing for me, will mean more things than it maybe should but it’s not a sad thing anymore, it’s a thing I want to share with people.” Kent grinned and squeezed Jack’s hand, “I cooked for Samson and Jason’s dinner party last week, lots of my team mates, and it was brilliant but nothing compared to this.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, Jack just looking at Kent, and then Jack opened his mouth and whispered, “Can I talk now?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kent laughed and nodded his head, “thanks for waiting.”

Without letting go of Kent’s hand Jack got out of his chair and moved around the table until he was at Kent’s side where he nudged the chair until Kent was facing him and crouched down in front of him, wrapping his arms around his back and pulling them together, Jack’s head resting against Kent’s chest.

“You know I love you don’t you?” He whispered into Kent’s shirt, “So much that I don’t really know what to do with it?”

 

-+-

 

_“Can you meet me at the rink in a bit?”_

Kent looked at his phone in confusion, checked the sender twice and then sent back, _“Why Cap?”_ and went back to writing his shopping list.

_“I just need a chat, I’ll sort a room for about twenty minutes?”_

_“Ok, but I can’t stay long, things to do ;-)”_

_“See you there.”_

Finishing his list, and sending a photo of it to Samson in case he could think of anything he’d missed, Kent tried not to think about what might be up with Cap and instead focused on how he was going to explain to Samson that he would be at least an hour later for their shopping trip than he’d said he’d be when he knew Samson would already be half way up the wall with stress at the waiting.

_“I’m going to be late, about an hour probably, been summoned to the rink for something!! You could shop on your own if you want or you could go for a run to save the hall carpet from your pacing ;-) I’m really sorry, I’ll be there as soon as I can I promise.”_

_“One day you’ll feel as nervous as I do now and I’ll take the piss out of you so bad!”_

_“I hope you’re right on both counts :-D I promise I’ll rush and I’ll still get everything done ready for tomorrow even if I have to stay late :-)”_

_“You know we were only kidding about you doing all the cooking don’t you? We’re going to do our bit but I’ll leave the shopping until you get here, you need the practice ;-)”_

_“I’ll see you as soon as I can. K”_

Slipping his phone into his pocket, and remembering to pick up the list and fold it into his wallet, Kent shouted through to Swoops to tell him he was ready for his lift and about the change of destination.

“Do you want me to wait? I don’t mind hanging around and then getting you out to Samson’s,” Swoops asked as he pulled into a parking spot near the staff entrance of the rink.

“Go home to Jen, she needs you right now, especially as you’re out with me tomorrow, I’ll call a car like I normally do.” 

“Okay,” Swoops turned slightly towards him, “but if you need to talk about whatever happens here you will ring me won’t you? Don’t just hide it because you’re focused on Samson and Jason okay?”

Kent rolled his eyes and shook his head dramatically but then he looked up at Swoops and smiled and nodded, “I promise.”

“Off with you then,” Swoops winked and grinned.

 

The door of the room was open but all the blinds on the windows to the corridor were closed and, as he stepped into the room, finding Cap stood staring out of the window, the edge of trepidation he’d felt since the summons increased to almost engulfing proportions.

“Cap,” he heard his own voice shake as he clicked the door shut behind him and hoped Cap missed it, “what did you want.”

“Parse,” Cap turned around, chewing on his thumb nail, and leant back against the window, “I’m totally going to stuff this up, I know I am but I had to do this because of what happened before. If you get angry I’m sorry.” He stopped talking and ran his hand over his face and up into his hair, an anxious and uncomfortable gesture that Kent had seen from him only once before when he’d had to address one of the assistant coaches about something he’d said to a call-up that broke the agreed rules of the dressing room and he was really beginning to worry.

“I’ve learnt that it’s not good for my long term health to get angry with my captain,” Kent tried to joke but it wasn’t working so he gave up. “Okay Cap, just say what you need to and I’ll try and take it in the least bad way possible.”

Kent smiled and Cap nodded just slightly before sitting down in a chair at the opposite side of the desk to where Kent had put himself.

“Samson is a good ten years older than you, six inches taller and fifty pound heavier, I know your boy was bigger than you but he was the same age and I know someone who has the experience of doing this and hiding everything might be an attractive idea but I need to be sure you’re okay and safe and that you’re not going to get hurt. I stuffed up before by not saying anything and you were right to call me out on it so I’m not keeping quiet now even if I don’t really know how to say this.”

“What the fuck?” Kent said in confusion rather than anger but Cap flinched just slightly dropping his gaze to the table. “Sorry,” Kent said more softly quickly followed by, “I’m not angry just completely confused.”

“Confused?” Cap looked back up from the table, “I know I’m probably not supposed to know given I’m not invited but I heard about tomorrow, I’ve wondered for a while and now the season’s over and I’m heading away for a few weeks I just wanted to check you were ok.”

Sudden realisation struck and Kent’s stomach dropped, “You think I’m dating Samson?” he asked slowly and carefully, “And you’re worry is my safety?”

“Not that I don’t think you can look after yourself,” Cap said quickly, “I don’t think you can’t just because you like men, I’m not suggesting you’re weak or anything, I’ve seen you on the ice I know I wouldn’t want to take a full check from you instead of a practice one, I just wanted to check because I let things go before and you got hurt and I don’t want that to happen again.” Cap continued, the words spilling out all in a rush, “I’ve spoken to guys before when they bring girls who are younger and smaller to things and made sure they know I’d kill them if they took advantage of that but Samson’s never said anything and I didn’t want you to think I was treating you like a girl by going to him anyway but I needed to check that things”

“Cap!” Kent interjected sharply and the stream of words stopped, “stop talking will you.” 

Cap dropped his head to the desk with a bang and scratched hard at the nape of his neck with his fingers for a long moment before Kent reached out and touched his hand, half expecting him to flinch away from such intimate contact. “I’m not dating Samson; he’s really not my type.” Kent smiled as Cap lifted his head just slightly and made eye contact, “He’s been teaching me to cook which is why I’ve been spending more time with him, I never knew how before and he didn’t make me feel stupid because of it.”

Kent withdrew his hand as Cap picked his head up off the desk and sat up in his chair, “He’s helped me with lots of stuff but he isn’t interested in me like that and even though I don’t know what me and my boy are doing right now I’m not interested in Samson or anyone on the team. Thanks for checking though and for asking me not him.”

“I really stuffed up with the locker room thing; I’ve been trying to be better.”

“You’re doing great.” Kent smiled. “Can I ask you something though?” He leant back in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest, suddenly needing to know the answer to a question he couldn’t really ask.

Cap nodded his agreement and Kent took a second to find the right words.

“I thought you knew I wasn’t straight, I think a number of guys here think it even if they don’t really know what to do with the knowledge so I understand your worry from that point of view but what gave you the impression Samson would be interested in me just because we’ve been spending time together and invited a group for a meal? Miller and Jaydar share a house and have guys around a lot but I don’t think they’re fucking!” Kent laughed and Cap screwed up his face clearly horrified at the thought.

“That is the grossest thing you have ever said and if I have nightmares tonight I’ll be ringing you to let you know.” He laughed and smiled at Kent, “Samson doesn’t live at the flat he gave us the address for. I went round once, years ago when he was injured. He’d just text me about being at home being looked after by his partner, someone that there was no evidence of at the housewarming he’d had about three weeks before, but he wasn’t there and one of the neighbours said she hadn’t seen him in a few weeks. He’s had a partner or partners, but not girlfriends or a wife, and we’ve never met them or seen them. He doesn’t dance with girls when we’re out and you know,” Cap grinned, “He’s never short on offers.”

“Yeah” Kent nodded, “He’s a good looking fella,”

“I’m not one to judge,” Cap waved his hand in the direction of his own face with a smirk, “but the girls do seem to like his muscles. Honestly though,” Cap straightened up in his chair, “I don’t know exactly what makes me think it I just always have.”

“How long? How long exactly have you thought this and never actually asked him?” 

“How would I have done that?” he asked a little short, “how would I have asked him without risking offending him if I was wrong, you’re not telling me you’d risk his fists coming out in anger. I’ve tried to keep an eye, I stepped in and stopped the road crash that was last year’s fundraising dinner while the rest of the lads though it hilarious. Look Kent,” Cap clasped his hands together on the desk, “I told you when you walked in here that I’d probably fuck this up, I know I’ve fucked up before, I can’t change it but I can, and will, do better from here especially now that that A isn’t a short term thing and I’ve got you on my heels making sure I do.”

Kent nodded and then stood up, stepping towards the door and turning the handle “Rule one means I have to stop this conversation here.”

“Rule one?” Cap asked looking confused.”

“Yeah,” Kent nodded, “rules of a game you never quite know who’s playing! Do me a favour and keep tomorrow lunchtime free, okay?”

 

-+-

 

“Did you make this pie for the dinner party? It’s delicious.” Jack lifted another spoonful to his mouth and moaned around the spoon.

“It was Jason’s family recipe, apple and blackcurrant, they used to have it with a plain butter crust but I know you like things sweeter so I changed to a syrup crust. I tried it out on Mum and Pops; they thought you’d like it”

“It’s delicious, I can’t believe you changed it especially for me but I’m impressed that you did.”

“I don’t have any family recipes so I’m going to go around stealing other peoples and changing them to make them perfect.” Kent laughed and took another mouthful of his pie.

“Does that make this a family recipe now?” Jack asked around another mouthful and Kent swallowed hard at the idea of that, blinked twice to clear the tears that suddenly threatened to spill from his eyes and filled his mouth with another spoonful of pie before he said something stupid.

 

-+-

 

“You ready?” Kent asked as Jason and Samson walked into the kitchen together, “Swoops just text me from the taxi, they apparently got a mini bus so they could all come together.”

“Gets meeting everyone done in one go I guess,” Jason said sounding more nervous than Kent had heard him before.

“Swoops, Chris, Charlie, Tater and Jenny don’t count because you’ve met them before so there’s only Dav and Cap really.” Samson didn’t sound any less nervous than Jason but Kent thought it was sweet that he was trying.

“They didn’t know I was your boyfriend then, they thought I was just an accountant with weird taste in favourite players.” Jason dug Samson in the ribs with his elbow and they all laughed shifting some of the tension from the room. “I’ve spent all morning resisting the urge to take all the photos down, it’s an odd idea that we’re going to have people actually in our home.”

“Yeah,” Samson agreed and slung his arm around Jason’s shoulder, pulling him close against his side and kissing his cheek, “We can still call it off if you want, you don’t have to do it.”

“You heard this Kent,” Jason grinned, “He wants out but he wants to blame me for it and,” he reached for the bowl of salad on the table, snagging a tomato from it and biting into it, “he wants all your efforts to go to waste.”

“I do not,” Samson eyes widened in mock shock, “just offering you a way out if you want one.”

‘Ding dong, ding dong.’ 

The doorbell rang and Jason jumped, moving away from Samson who quickly pulled him back against him and held him close whispering in his ear before they walked away towards the door hand in hand.

 

-+-

“At the dinner party I made the vegetable pasta Samson made the first time I went for dinner with baked chicken, salad, cold meats and homemade bread and pie for pudding and no one complained about the food or was sick the day after so I’m hopeful I haven’t poisoned you.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Jack stood up, walked around the table and reached his hand out to pull Kent out of his chair, “And if I’m not you’re here to look after me so it won’t be all bad.” He smiled and then dragged Kent to the living room where he sat down in the corner of the couch and pulled Kent down into his lap, wrapping his arms around him as he curled up against his chest. “Can I meet them, when I come to visit?” Jack asked quietly into the top of Kent’s head.

“Jason?” Kent asked without looking up “I think he’s hoping you might want to meet, he’d be good for college advice maybe, Samson too, they met at college.”

“Did they now?” Jack’s arms tightened around Kent and he asked more quietly, “is that what you think I’m going for? To meet someone new?”

“I hope you meet people,” Kent’s heart was racing, his stomach churning and his whole body aching at the thought of Jack meeting someone new, someone he wanted to spend his time with even when they had chance to be together, “I want you to be happy you know that, more than anything and.” Kent wiped quickly at his cheek, trying to stifle the tears that were suddenly trying to fall. “If it can’t be me you’re happy with then I want you to find someone you can.”

“Kenny,” his name was said so softly that Kent’s stomach clenched and the tears started to fall, “I was so jealous about Charlie when I thought you were dating, when you first mentioned Jason I thought you were going to tell me you were seeing him and then, even though I knew Jason and Samson were together, I’ve been so jealous of you spending so much time with Samson. The fact Jason and Samson are even there for you to spend time with, and the way the Aces have been about everything has made me think a lot about what I thought I knew about Hockey and being like me and you.” 

Kent felt warm breath and a soft kiss on the top of his head.

“Kenny sweetheart,” Jack ran his hand up Kent’s body, from where it had been resting on his hip until he could slip his finger under Kent’s chin and tilt his head up to look at him. “I don’t want someone else.”

Time stood still, his heart not beating and his breathing dragging slowly, as Kent looked into Jack’s face, eyes tracing over it, looking for some indication of why he was saying something that he’d been so desperate to hear but so sure Jack would never say. “I” he tried to speak but couldn’t work out what to say.

“You what Kenny?” Jack leaned down, bringing them so close that they were breathing the same air, “Tell me what you want,” 

Kent could feel the words breathed against his lips and like a dam breaking his heartrate soared, air gushed from his lungs and his body was flooded with all the feelings he’d been keeping locked up tightly for almost a year. With a shaking arm he reached up and wrapped his hand around the back of Jack’s neck, pulling him down, closing the gap between them and kissing Jack with all the need and hope he’d been desperately holding on to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, I hope you feel it was worth the wait :-)


	15. Chapter 15

Kent woke slowly, breathing deeply against the weight on his chest, and stroked the tips of his fingers against the soft skin under his hand, smiling as he tipped his chin to nuzzle into Jack’s hair and kiss the top of his head.

“URumph” Jack yawned and tipped his head back, meeting Kent’s eyes and leaning in for a kiss which even now, almost a fortnight on from their first moment together on the couch, Kent accepted with an edge of surprise. “You sleep ok.” Jack asked quietly, stretching slightly but making no attempt to move from where he was laying half on top of Kent.

“Yeah,” Kent smiled and squeezed him tighter, “Like a baby.”

Jack rolled onto his stomach, not quite entirely on top of Kent but enough that it felt like it, and crossed his arms, resting his chin on them as he grinned, “Me too surprisingly given the day ahead.”

-+-

“Do you really think we can do it?” Jasper was sat on the bench looking hopefully at Jack, “we have to win this one or we’re out.”

“I think we can do our best, just like we did yesterday, and we can have fun and when the buzzer goes we’ll know if the end of season party will be Friday or if it’s going to have to wait another couple of days.” Jack grinned and winked at Jasper and then he looked around the rest of the boys, making eye contact with everyone as he went, “We’ve won three of four, if we win tonight we’re through to the semi-finals on Friday if we don’t we’ll be at a party then instead, either way I’ll be proud of you.”

“My dad won’t be,” Steven grumbled into his shirt, “he says winning is all that matters.”

“Let me tell you all a secret,” Jack dropped his volume conspiratorially and leant closer and all the boys leant in too. “Sometimes dads are wrong.” The boys looked between each other as if unsure that he should be saying this to them and then they looked back at Jack waiting for him to continue. “My dad won everything in hockey, including the Stanley cup, three times!” 

The boys gasped audibly and Jack smiled, glad that he’d never talked about his dad with the boys before and was able to use the story so effectively now. “When I was little he always told me that winning was everything and all that mattered was coming first, even before your friends,” Jack glanced up into the seating behind them where Kent was sat, hiding in the back row, and then looked back to the boys. “He worked hard all the time, right from being little, because he really wanted to play hockey but his mum thought it was a silly idea, she told him he was too little and too slow and only the best made it so he should stop dreaming and wasting his time and their money.”

Kent moved in his seat, leaning forward to listen more closely to what Jack was saying and Jack seemed to notice because his volume rose just a little.

“He came here a few weeks ago and watched you play, he saw you laughing and smiling, he saw the way you fist bumped when you scored and the way you back tapped when your teammate struggled with something, he saw how you all skated hard even when you were tired and he watched as you shook the hands of the other team and congratulated them after they beat us and that night he rang me, I didn’t know he’d come to watch so I was quite surprised!” Jack laughed and the boys did too while Kent tried to work out if this was before or after Bob’s visit to Vegas.

“He rang me to apologise for all the times he’d told me winning was the most important thing and all the times he’d made me feel like I wasn’t good enough because my best friend was better than me.” Jack looked up at Kent again, eyes glistening with emotion and Kent smiled at him, mouthing ‘Love you’ over the heads of the boys. “Watching you lot reminded him of when he was little and why he wanted to play in the first place. Being here he could see that he’d got lost somewhere and started focusing on the wrong things. He told me that you boys had just reminded him that the most important thing about playing hockey was that you were all having fun, working together and respecting yourselves and the other team.”

The boys nodded and smiled almost enthusiastically, “Your parents want you to be the best you can be, they want you to win and be successful but really the most important thing to your mums and dads is that you’re happy, you’re good people and you have fun. They don’t always say it and sometimes they don’t remember it at the time but it’s true.”

“Do you really think so?” Steven asked and Jack nodded while clearly making a mental note to speak to Steven’s dad before the game.

“I think your dad knows how good you are,” Steven was the first line right wing, leading point’s scorer and a great leader on the ice, “and he wants you to be the best you can be.” Steven blushed and ducked his head into his shoulders. “I know it’s hard under the pressure, believe me I know, but really,” Jack grinned and winked at the boys, “If Bad Bob Zimmermann can get hockey wrong anyone can.” The boys laughed and Jack joined him.

“Now,” Jack stood up and clapped his hands together, “Time for warm ups. Off you go.” The boys filed out on to the ice and Jack looked up at Kent and winked before he hit the ice and ran the boys through their pre-game morning skate routine.

 

-+-

 

“So final day.” Kent smiled at Jack who was still resting on his chest, “you nervous?”

“No,” Jack said it with a certainty that clearly surprised him but he tried not to show it.

“That’s good then,” he smiled, “Can I make you breakfast?”

“No,” Jack smirked and rested more heavily on top of him.

“Why not,” He tried to pout, to make out that he was disappointed to be refused but he couldn’t keep in up long before he laughed.

Jack looked away from Kent’s face just slightly, eyes settling on the pillow beside his left ear, and he blushed just slightly suddenly seeming uncomfortable.

“Hey hey,” Kent lifted his hand and ran his thumb along Jack’s cheek while scratching gently it the short hairs on the nape of his neck, “It’s ok Zimms, I got ya.”

“I know,” Jack dropped his chin from his arms and moved so that he could rest his ear against Kent’s chest right over his heart, “I’m so lucky you let me back in after what I did.”

“What you did was shit,” Jack tensed under Kent’s hand but he continued to stroke gently at his neck, “but look at things now, you’ve had fun with the kids all year, you love hockey again, you’ve made plans for your future that use your brain as well as your body, you’ve made a new friend, even if I’ve never actually met him, and you’ll have him with you when you start college which is good. You’ve done loads since the draft and that’s just you.”

Jack lifted his head to look at Kent, “You know when you text me and told me about the draft?”

Kent nodded but didn’t speak.

“That’s when I knew I’d done the right thing, when I knew it was all worth it.”

 

-+-

_Zimms: Good morning, Last game tonight, good luck :-D_

_To Zimms: I thought 82 was a lot when I set off, can’t believe it’s nearly over!_

_Zimms: Only for this year, you’ll play more than that next year ;-)_

_To Zimms: It just feels wrong that other people will still be playing when I’m not! Will be good to come see you though. Still ok for Tuesday?_

_Zimms: I can’t wait to see you BUT it’s still ok not to come, if you want to stay there I’ll come to you in a fortnight when the tournament’s finished._

_To Zimms: I really want to see you; I want to see your team. I’m still worried about Jen, she’s sleeping a lot and we’re dropping the girls every day. I’ve picked them up a lot which is really fun and, it was supposed to be a surprise for you but I’ve learnt to cook some things so I’ve been doing that too. Maybe they just need some family time; it’ll give them a break from me ;-)_

_Zimms: Maybe you should just ask Jeff what’s going on?_

_To Zimms: how? I’m rubbish at talking._

_Zimms: you’re really not rubbish Kenny; you’re great with people, look at the friends you’ve made since you got to Vegas. With your eyes always on me you never had the chance to be you, now look at you, living your life surrounded by people :-) you are completely capable of asking Jeff, I know you are. LY_

_To Zimms: This is what you meant wasn’t it? This is why you did it?_

_Zimms: I did it for me more than I did it for you but this is what I hoped you’d get out of being away from me yes._

_To Zimms: Did I ever tell you that the Aces were going to pick me anyway? I think I maybe didn’t because I thought you might be upset. I met Swoops before, before you and me, back when it was me and James. He took me in when I got here because he knew I needed something he and Jen could give me, it was all set up before you did what you did._

_Zimms: You didn’t tell me, I sort of worked it out though, Jeff knowing Pops and hating my dad and stuff. What do you think it says about us now that you just told me that as if it was nothing and that I smiled when I read it?_

_To Zimms: It says that I really need to see you and I really need to bring you back here so Jeff can continue to show you that he’d have done this for you too, especially because he hated your dad._

_Zimms: Was that past tense intentional? ;-)_

_To Zimms: Totally! You should have seen them when Bob came to that game; I was only surprised that Jeff hadn’t called Pops in for back up! He kept his hand on me all the time, never let me go at all, and he glared at your dad while Tater stood next to us looming like he does on the ice but then the apology happened and Bob didn’t want to get me away from Jeff to do it, didn’t even try and then he thanked Jeff for looking after me, which nearly got him a smack, but also for looking after you. I wouldn’t say he likes him but he doesn’t hate him anymore, more feels sorry for him I think._

_Zimms: Do you hate him? Be honest I don’t mind if you do._

_To Zimms: I don’t hate him, never did, as long as he’s good to you he’s ok with me :-)_

_Zimms: well as long as he’s good to YOU he’s ok with me so let’s hope he can be ;-) I love you you know, I’m so proud of you._

_To Zimms: I love you too, can’t wait to see you do the coaching thing ;-) better nap now. LY xxxxxxxx_

_Zimms: sleep well Kenny. Love you xxxxxxxxx_

 

-+-

 

“You getting hurt will never be worth it baby,” Kent wrapped his arms around Jack’s back and pulled himself up to kiss the end of his nose, “but I know what you mean. This year’s not been what I expected it to be but it has been what we both needed.”

Jack rolled sideways, tumbling Kent over and pulling him onto his chest, wrapping his shins behind his knees to stop him escaping, “You have done far more than I even dreamed you would! The A, the Calder and the gobbing off in the locker room I totally expected.” Jack laughed, “But Charlie and Alexei and Jenny, you helping Jen and Jeff with everything, the whole thing with Samson and Jason, you finally letting Pops be Pops and you feeling confident enough in us that you could just tell me about the draft. All that is far more than I dreamed.”

Kent blushed all the way down his chest, took two deep breaths to calm his emotions and then gave up trying to work out how to respond and settled on kissing Jack instead.

 

-+-

“Your son was great out there.” Kent caught the words from across the room, delivered in the strong Canadian accent he’d heard only once since the draft. “A point on all three goals is quite impressive.”

“They didn’t win though, that’s all anyone watching will remember.” The man sounded resigned rather than upset or angry.

“My son helped coach the team that just lost and I don’t much care what other people remember I’ll remember the pride on his face as his team fought to the end, how much he’s enjoyed his season coaching your son and how lucky I am that I get to tell him that after the mess I made when he was younger.”

Kent turned around to see who Bob was speaking to and when he saw that it was Steven’s father he couldn’t help but smile, a gesture that was caught by Bob who quickly looked away, clearly embarrassed at being caught mid conversation.

“He wants to play so much, he tries so hard and I worry that he won’t make it and then he’ll be disappointed and then what will he do?”

“Make sure he goes to school,” Bob replied, “tell him he has to in order to play because colleges won’t take him without grades and Junior teams require education as well so he has no choice in that whichever way he goes, but let him enjoy the game, tell him you’re proud of him, tell him how good he is while reminding him what his coaches have suggested he works on. Grab a stick and play on the drive, not practice just play together, tell him you’ll be there the day he wins the Stanley cup but you’ll also be there the day he graduates college, gets married, has kids or doesn’t get called in the draft. He might never make the NHL, he might need a different career, but he’ll always know his dad is proud of him and believe me that’s worth more than you know.”

The noise in the room trebled as the boys, shouting, talking and eager to see their families, crashed through the doors and Kent made a b-line for Jack who was watching Steven with great concern as he moved slowly towards his father, shoulders hunched and face red and wet with tears, clearly resisting the urge to go with him while Bob excused himself from his conversation and disappeared towards the back corner of the room.

“He’ll be ok.” Kent slipped his arm around Jack’s waist and pulled close to his side, speaking quietly. “Just watch.”

Kent kept hold of Jack as Steven made it to his father who suddenly reached out both hands to grip Steven by the waist and picked him up off the floor spinning him around. “Three points my boy, what a game.” He said with a smile and then set him back in his feet, pulling him into a hug. “I’m so proud of you son.”

Jack coughed and swallowed and pulled Kent closer, “What happened?” he asked voice wavering on the emotion.

Kent smiled as he tipped his head in the direction of Bob who was watching then both nervously over his glass of wine. “I think Bad Bob happened.”

“Really? What did he say?”

“He told Steven’s dad how he stuffed up with you.” Kent squeezed his arm tighter around his waist and then released his hold. “Go talk to him, I’ll wait here for you.”

“No,” Jack moved his arm and grabbed Kent’s hand, weaving their fingers together. “If I go you’re coming with me.”

“Support or protection?” Kent forced a grin and tried to joke.

“Both, neither, erm”. Jack brushed his hand over his face, rubbing hard at his eyes, and then turned his head towards Kent and used his hand to hide his words. “I would choose you, if I had too.”

Kent gulped hard and squeezed Jack’s hand. “You’re not going to have to choose. Come on.” Jack let go of his hand and slung his arm around his shoulder instead which Kent both loved and hated even though he knew that they couldn’t and shouldn’t walk around holding hands in public.

They made their way across the room, Jack stopping to talk to some of the boys who were back to smiling and laughing now the defeat was out of their system and their focus had moved to the promised end of season party. He quickly checked on Steven, accepting the handshake and enthusiastic thank you from his dad with a smile and a wink at Steven, before finally they made it to Bob who was still stood, leaning against the wall and seemingly trying to disappear into it.

“Papa.” Jack said with an almost natural smile and a tightening of his grip on Kent’s shoulder, holding him in place. “Did you enjoy the game?”

Kent could feel the slight tremor in Jack’s arm and he lent a little more heavily into his side, seeking to reassure him, just as Bob stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the pair of them pulling them close. “I’m proud of you Jack.” He said, his voice breaking just a little on the word proud, and Kent felt the exact moment Jack let himself believe it, the moment he relaxed into his father’s embrace for the first time since the initial draft scouting reports had been published almost two years ago.

 

-+-

_Jeff: Great job with your team Jack, we can’t wait to celebrate with you when you get here :-D_

_To Jeff: We didn’t win, it will be good to see you all though :-)_

_Jeff: Let’s try that again! Great job with your team Jack, we can’t wait to celebrate with you when you get here :-D_

_To Jeff: Sorry (you’ll be glad to know Kent just slapped me in the head for you) Thank you for the congratulations, the boys worked really hard and I had fun :-) How’s Jen?_

_Jeff: no need for sorry (and slap him back!) Jen’s excited, tired, nervous, sad, frustrated, tearful and angry and that’s just in the time it’s taken me to write this ;-) The kids are so looking forward to having their favourite uncles back next week, mummy and daddy are rather boring right now!_

_To Jeff: Kent’s booked tickets for Tuesday so they’ll have him back soon, tell the girls I’m sorry for keeping him too long ;-) I hope Jen isn’t going too crazy and you’re not missing Kent’s cooking too much._

_Jeff: The plural wasn’t accidental Jack! It’ll be good to see you BOTH on Tuesday and not just for the cooking._

_To Jeff: See you Tuesday Jeff, tell the girls I’m looking forward to seeing them. Xx_

_Jeff: Will do :-D xxxxx_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone, thank you for all the presents of comments and kudos you've given me this year :-D


	16. Chapter 16

“Can we have purple?”

“I want green!”

“Purple’s better than green,”

“No it’s not, grass is green and trees, nothing’s purple.”

“My favourite teddy’s purple!”

“I think” Jack grinned over the girls’ heads at Kent who was looking rather confused as to how to handle the pair of them arguing in the middle of a shop, “That we should buy red, my new hockey jersey will be red so that’s the best colour.”

Maisie and Sarah stopped arguing, looking up at Jack as Kent smiled warmly and met Jack’s eyes for a second. “How about we get all three?” he looked down at the girls, “Purple for one, Green for the other and red for me?” He looked up at Jack as he said the last and felt his stomach flip at the warmth in the eyes looking back at him.

“Ok,” they both shouted and ran off down the aisle of paint looking for the right colours.

“You really want some red for your room?” Kent could feel the warmth of Jack’s skin as he leant closer and whispered in his ear and he leaned into it, bringing their bodies together for just a second.

“I’ll have to keep the shirts you’re going to give me hidden away in case someone comes over,” he said with a smirk, “Swoops won’t mind me painting the wall though.”

Jack hip checked him gently and smiled, stepping away down the aisle after the girls, “You want my name on the back right? Like the one I’ve got of yours?”

“I’d like you to have worn them.” Kent said quietly as if it was a confession and Jack stopped moving and turned to look at him, seemingly considering it carefully before he smiled.

“I will if you will.”

“Sounds fair.” Kent agreed with a wink and a smile, “now paint.” He nodded towards the girls and they both moved quickly to help Maisie who was trying to lift a very large tin of paint from a shelf just a little above her head height.

 

Two large tins of green paint, two of purple and one small tin of red as well as a giant bucket of white were quickly put into their cart along with more brushes, rollers, pads and trays than could possibly be necessary but Kent wasn’t taking any chances. Everyone would be at the house within the next hour, they only had four days before Jen would be coming home so they needed to get everything done quickly and if that meant having things left unused then it was worth it to avoid a trip back.

“Are we going to get to help?” Maisie asked as they stood in the queue to pay.

“Absolutely you are,” Kent smiled and snuggled her against his side, “you two are going to be in charge, you have to make sure us boys don’t get it wrong, mummy and daddy are trusting you to get everything ready for when they get home, that’s why you got to pick the colours.”

“Really?” Maisie looked up at him wide eyed.

“Really,” Kent smiled down at her and she grinned back, 

“We’re going to be the best bosses,”

 

-+-

“My turn now,” Cap stood up in his stall as their coach, who’d just delivered his end of season message to the team, sat down in his chair. “I have a couple of things I want to say.”

“Speech, speech, speech!” the team yelled and Cap laughed as he raised his hand trying to get them to stop with little success.

“Shut up and give me a chance then!” He shouted over the noise and when that didn’t work he whistled louder than any human should be able to and the shock silenced the room.

“So, I have a couple of things to say, first of which is how proud I am to have been captain of this team this year. I know we didn’t make the playoffs but we didn’t get our Calder nominated rookie for being best in the league did we?” Kent felt himself blush and pulled his head into his shoulders trying to hide it. “We missed out but looking around this room I know that every one of you has what it takes to make it there next season.”

“Yeah,” half a dozen voices responded, “We win cup next year,” Alexie added to the amusement of the room.

“I know you’ll give it a bloody good go,” Cap smiled “but it won’t be me who lifts the cup if you do.” 

The room dropped silent, guys looking at each other and then back to Cap.

“What?” 

“I’m too old to keep up with you all now, you need someone younger,” Cap was looking around the room as he spoke but suddenly Kent felt his eyes fixed on him, “Someone who can guide this wonderful organisation into the future and build both the success and the quality of it.” Cap winked at Kent and then looked away, back to glancing around the room as he continued. “I’ve made my recommendation to the coach, spoken to the GM and made no secret of my feelings on the future, not that I get a say at all,” he laughed, “but I’ve done my best and,” he took a breath and looked back at Kent, “if the coach, the GM and the new captain think I have something to offer I’d be more than willing to sign up for one more year!”

Cheers erupted around the room and Cap let himself be pulled into hugs by the vets and initiated hugs with the younger guys who seemed to want to join in but weren’t sure if they were allowed and when he’d made his way around the whole room he returned to his stall and shushed the room, bringing them back to quiet.

“So that was the first thing, the second is a bit more important.” 

Silence fell, everyone suddenly paying full attention.

“How many in here have a wife?” Cap asked taking them all a little by surprise. “Serious question,” Cap laughed and raised his hand. “How many of you actually have a wife?” 

Three more hands finally went up.

“What about a girlfriend?” Cap asked and about ten hands went up while Kent, heart racing and stomach turning over, tried to catch Samson’s eye as he leant back in his stall and dropped his gaze to the floor, his jaw set hard and face a deathly shade of grey.

“Who but Daws lives with their brother? Or other family?” Three hands went up. “And what about housemates? Who lives with a roomie who has to put up with our weird hours and routines?” 

Another set of hands went up, leaving, as far as Kent could tell, only him and Samson who hadn’t chosen a category and Kent felt sick at the fear of the next question from Cap or of someone pointing out the lack of answer which is why he made an audible sound of shock when the next question came.

“So why do we call the family support group the ‘Aces Wives’?”

“What?!” Kent said loudly and everyone looked at him. “I mean, well.” He took a breath and wiped a hand over his face before looking back at Cap, who was suddenly white as a sheet, and side eying Samson, who still looked grey in his stall, while clearly trying not to be noticed doing it.

“Finish what you’re saying Cap,” Kent bit out while shaking his head and closing his eyes.

“I was talking to my wife,” Cap voice was shaking as he started speaking again and he stopped to take a breath and pull at his own hair, “When we came home from the last road trip, fourteen nights away and then getting in as three am and doing a bad job of not waking her up. She was talking about the watch parties they’d had, the trips out, the phone calls to each other and making sure that they caught up with each other so they weren’t on their own all the time and it struck me that Daws’ brother was probably woken up in the middle of the night and had spent two weeks living on his own but he wasn’t in the ‘Aces wives’” the air quotes could be heard in the way he said it, “So he’d just been on his own the whole time.”

Kent heart had stopped racing and Samson looked slightly less like he was about to get up and thump his Captain which seemed to have helped Cap relax enough that his voice wasn’t shaking quite so badly.

“So,” he took a breath, “I’ve spoken to the front office and Pam is speaking to the wives and girlfriends at their end of season meeting this afternoon and the group will have a new name come training camp, one that welcomes everyone, wives, sisters, friends, girlfriends, partners, boyfriends, mothers or any other family members who have to deal with our hockey weirdness.”

Kent caught the reference to his rant from a few months ago and found himself wondering why he hadn’t had a problem with the ‘aces wives’ given what he’d stood up to in the room and on the ice since then but maybe it was because he’d never thought he’d have anyone who might need that sort of support. 

“I don’t know what it will be called but I hope that the people who matter most to each of you will be involved in that decision so that come next season everyone feels comfortable having the support they should have.”

“That’s a great idea,” Samson said quietly after a long moment of silence, drawing everyone’s attention away from Cap and making Kent’s heart jump into his throat. “Jason would love to feel like he fit in here.”

-+-

 

“We got the paint!” Sarah ran into the house shouting and Samson caught her around the waist as she ran past him and almost into the legs of Jason who was carrying a large cardboard box which looked rather heavy.

“Brilliant,” Samson grinned at her as he swung her up onto his hip, keeping the weight off his bad leg, “Jay’s nearly finished emptying the library.”

“How’s Alexei doing?” Kent walked in carrying two cans of paint while Maisie staggered next to him holding a can wrapped in her arms.

“He’s moved everything from Swoops’ study into Jen’s, there isn’t much room but Jenny thinks she can make it work, she’s issuing orders and he’s doing as he’s told.” 

“Sounds just like us,” Jay murmured from behind the box and then set it down on the floor. “Speaking of, where should I put this Honey?” The ‘Honey’ was delivered with sugary sweetness and a smirk and Samson laughed.

“Don’t Honey me Mr,” Samson set Sarah down on the floor, “I can’t help my injury” he winked at Jason who blushed all the way to his ears. “Blame Parse’s, I’m doing my best.”

“How was it my fault, I’ve been at Jack’s.” 

“Gotta blame someone Parse and I can’t really admit it’s an S E X injury when the kids are around can I?” Samson grinned wide at Kent and Jason blushed even redder.

“Oh My God!” Kent exclaimed covering his face with his hands, “I get that you’re making up for ten years of saying nothing around anyone but can you please stop linking my name to your S E X lives please, you really don’t need to show off so much about getting some!”

“Getting some what?” Jack walked up behind Kent carrying a large pile of decorating supplies.

“S E X” Maisie said before anyone else could respond and Kent, Jason and Samson collapsed laughing as Jack fumbled with the supplies, dropping them to the floor, blushed hard and stared at Maisie.

It took a second for Kent to control his laughing but finally he reached for Jack’s arm and pulled him closer, leaning into his chest and kissing him gently under the chin as Jack closed his arms around his back and held on tight. 

“I missed an important part of this conversation right?” Jack kissed the top of Kent’s head and smiled into his hair.

“Sorry,” Samson said, still laughing, 

“You sound very sorry,” Jack looked up at him with a smirk, “do you spend all your time bullying my boyfriend about the fact that we live a plane ride apart?”

Kent tensed in Jack’s arms, stood up and stepped away from him as he turned to look at the girls and spoke with only a slight waver in his voice, “let’s put this paint in the kitchen until we need it ok?” Maisie and Sarah looked warily at Kent but nodded and picked up a can each before following him. 

Jason reached for Samson’s hand as he glanced between Jack’s confused face and the back of Kent’s head as he walked away and linked their fingers together squeezing gently.

“What did I?” Jack turned sad, confused eyes on Samson, “What just happened?”

“I don’t know,” Samson stepped forward, letting go of Jason’s hand and put his arm around Jack, hugging him close.

“Should I?” Jason gestured with his thumb towards the kitchen and Samson nodded without letting Jack go, 

“Tell the girls we need help deciding which wall to paint, we’ll take them upstairs” 

“Okay” Jason nodded and went in search of Kent. 

 

-+-

“Jason?” Jaric asked from his seat next to Samson who was sat like a statue in his stall staring at the logo in the middle of the floor.

“Jason,” Samson repeated without looking up, “the guy I’ve lived with since college, the guy who’s left jobs, homes and friends at the whim of my GM’s trade decisions, the guy who works his way up in organisations only to hit senior and have to walk away to change cities and jobs and go right back in at the bottom.” 

Kent caught Samson’s eye as he looked up at him nervously and tried to offer him something without doing anything at all.

“You remember when I sliced my arm and bust my face, early season in DC?” Samson lifted his head and looked around the room, making eye contact with every set of eyes that was looking back at him, including his coach. “Blood everywhere on the ice, me almost carried to the room and straight to the hospital. Not coming home until five days later?”

“I remember,” Swoops nodded, “Jen was so worried when we got home, Kent got his favourite pasta and I got fish and rice and she never cooks both.” Half the guys in the room laughed at that and then they turned their attention back to Samson.

“I didn’t come home to Jason” he looked at Swoops, giving him a tight smile, “He couldn’t cook me pasta because I was in hospital in DC and because I was too scared to put him on the team records as my next of kin no one even called him and because I kept an apartment I didn’t live in just so I could have you lot round sometimes even Dav, who offered to check on the place for me, didn’t actually check on the thing I was most worried about.” Samson took a breath and finally released the knuckle white grip he’d had on the bench either side of his knees. 

“Jason had to rely on my parents, who love the bones of him, to keep him updated but he still couldn’t speak to me, not like your wives and girlfriends could have if it was you. He was terrified my first game back, he tried not to be, tried not to show it, but he was and he sat at home watching on his own, you can’t imagine how much I wished he had some of your wives and girlfriends for support, someone to watch with, someone who understood.”

The room was silent; everyone but Kent’s eyes on Samson, Kent was far too busy watching the reactions of the others.

“I know much of that is on me, my fears and stuff, so, with the support of Calder boy over there,” Samson nodded towards Kent grinning at him and Kent smiled back feeling a weird sense of warmth in his chest, “and Cap and Swoops,” Samson made eye contact with Alexei and Chris acknowledging their involvement without naming names, “I registered Jason as my next of kin about a month ago. He comes to games now sometimes, even sitting with Pam or Jenny and Charlie in the family area and we’ve had people around for dinner more in the last few weeks than we have in ten years. He’s met lots of the people in this room even if you just thought he was my friend and he feels more a part of my career than he has at any point before.”

Kent grinned at the smile on Alexie’s face and the matching ones on Chris, Cap and Swoops and he caught Samson’s eye, winking at him.

“So,” Samson took a breath, pulled his shoulders back, sitting up to his full height and setting himself the way Kent saw him do on the ice when he was preparing for a fight, “If you’re not going to run me out of the organisation for being gay then I think it’s an amazing idea Cap.”

As Samson stopped talking and the room dropped silent and the clock in Kent’s head started to tick, the one that never really existed but still made an appearance every time he was waiting for something. It ticked four times before he was distracted from counting by movement a few seats to his left as Jaydar stood up, stepped quickly across the room, jumping the logo as if he’d almost forgotten it was there, and came to a stop right in front of Samson before anyone else could react.

“Stand up,” Jaydar said as he leaned down, grabbing Samson’s arm and pulling him up to his feet.

“Jay man,” Matty sounded worried as he stood up and moved towards them but once Samson was on his feet Jaydar wrapped his arms around him in the kind of bear hug that only Jaydar, the one man in the room bigger than Samson, could give and suddenly a group hug was taking place, Samson squashed in the middle of it and Kent watching from a few steps away, his coach and Captain either side of him.

-+-

 

“Sarah, can you go help Jack for a few minutes, they need your help picking which wall to paint.” Sarah grinned and ran off, Jack was still her favourite person to spend time with when he was around, but Maisie was hovering at Kent’s elbow, less inclined to leave the kitchen.

“Maisie sweetheart,” Jason moved closer and crouched down in front of her, nudging Kent in the side with his elbow as he did so. “Can you go and help Sarah keep Jack and Samson on track? We’ll be up to help in a minute.” Maisie looked from Jason to Kent and back again.

“Do I have to?” she asked quietly, glancing at Kent again.

“Do you want them to paint both rooms Purple?” Kent turned his head towards her, hands still gripping tightly to the counter top, and raised an eyebrow, smiling at the sudden look of horror on her face. “You go up there and stop them and I’ll be up in a minute ok.”

“Okay,” she nodded and then looked hard at Jason for a few seconds before she ran out of the room shouting about grass.

 

“Talk to me,” Jason stepped up behind Kent, resting his hand against the small of his back and spoke gently but also as if there was no other option so Kent did as he was told.

“He’s never called me that before, not even before. I didn’t know that’s what he thought we were if he even does, I don’t know if he said it as a joke.” 

Kent took a shaky breath and leaned into Jason’s side. “I know he loves me, we share a bed when we’re together, he’s kissed me a few times and we got close while I was in Boston. He tells me he loves me all the time but we’ve never talked about it, never really talked about us or putting a label on it or it being something that sticks.” He took a breath and swallowed hard, “and I can’t get away from the fact that less than a year ago he was so desperate to get away from me that he tried to die.”

“That’s not true.” Jack’s voice, calm but firm, startled both men and they turned to see him stood in the doorway. “If I could have stayed with you and not had to play hockey, not had to deal with my parents and not had to watch you be only a fraction of what you are now because you were too busy worrying about me then I would have stayed in a heartbeat but I couldn’t, I was destroying you. Seriously Kenny, when you came here you were too scared to tell me how much this team wanted you because you thought I’d be upset. You believed I deserved to go first even though it was clear that is should be yours and that’s because your focus was always me.”

“But you.” Kent started to interrupt but Jack raised his hand to stop him and stepped into the room, moving slowly towards him.

“You’re happy here even when I’m not around, you have friends who love you, you’re playing the kind of hockey I always knew you would, you’ve got an A on your chest because you make the team better, not just on the ice.” Jack was stood right in front of Kent by now and he carefully reached out his hand, watching Kent’s reaction carefully, and rested it gently against his cheek, “I shouldn’t have called you my boyfriend without checking it was ok with you, it’s not my call to make so I’m really sorry.” 

“I love you Kenny, I always have, I’m not going to pretend it would be easy and I totally understand if you don’t want to be boyfriends, don’t want to put a label on it.” 

Kent leant into Jack’s touch and smiled up at him as he continued talking. “I’ll still love you, I’ll still cuddle up with you whenever I can, visit when you want, text you before games and all the things I do right now, I promise there is no punishment to saying no, I’ll deal with it if you do.”

“I don’t want to say no,” Kent started quietly “I love you too, I really want to do this for real with you but not enough to risk your health, you’re too important to me for that.” he leaned forward, pushing himself up slightly to brush his lips gently against Jack’s. 

They smiled at each other as they broke apart, “if you’re sure, and if you promise to talk to me all the time, good shit and bad, then yeah, boyfriend sounds good to me.” Kent kissed him again and then spoke a little more forcefully, “You’re still doing college though.”

“Yeah, still doing college,” Jack grinned and leaned in for another kiss

“I’ll just,” Jason spoke as he moved quickly towards the door.

“Thanks,” Jack said turning to watch Jason leave.

“We’ll be up in five,” Kent shouted after him with a grin and a wink and Jason laughed as he almost ran up the stairs leaving them alone in the kitchen to seal the agreement with a proper kiss.

 

-+-

“Before everyone goes” The team hug had broken up and everyone had returned to their stalls laughing and joking and making plans for the rest of the day while they waited for Cap to dismiss them for the summer when Swoops stood up, looking slightly green around the gills, and spoke far more quietly than he normally did. “Can I just tell you all something?”

A few of the guys quietened but most didn’t hear him so he tried again, “Can I just,” his voice was slightly louder but still shook in a way that had Kent on his feet at his side and shouting at the room to be quiet.

“Right you lot!” Kent could feel his heart racing in panic at whatever Swoops was going to say as he bellowed over the noise and slipped his arm around Swoops waist pulling tight against his side, “there’s a guy trying to speak here.” 

“Sorry Parse,” A chorus went up around the room and then it dropped quite, everyone looking at Swoops and Kent and Kent curled his fingers into the back of Swoops shirt, holding on tight and trying not to panic at whatever was about to be said.

“On the subject of wives and families,” Swoops voice was shaking and Kent felt tears in his own eyes, this was it, this was the moment he was going to find out what was wrong with Jen and he wasn’t sure why he was having to do this in public when what he really wanted was to be at home with the four of them where he might be able to do something to help but if it was happening here he was going to keep it together. 

“I have some news to share that we’ve been keeping quiet until now but I want to tell you all just so you know.”

Swoops took another deep breath and put his arm around Kent pulling him closer as if needing someone to keep him steady.

“All being well, and believe me there are no guarantees of that,” he swallowed and Kent leant heavier into his side, “there will be two new little baby Troy’s for you all to meet when you get back.”


End file.
